The restrictions have been lifted, to which I am immensely grateful. It meant that I could once more ride and let the moxie of the wind glide over and around me, to become aware of the variances of the sounds that would dance with glee over the plains. I took advantage of this, however, I did restrict myself from going as far as I often did, for we had been told to be still be cautious, and I for one was not one to abuse a privilege that was like a rare,priceless artifact to me.
Eventually I would return to the main camp and return to my own wagons, I have the hide that each of the women have worked on, Yamka has managed to procure me one of Seveya's skirts, I lay it out and carefully cut and shape all the pieces I have to create a skirt that is her size, here at the quiet of my wagon, I sew tight small seams to join the pieces of hide that Seveya herself has painted upon, creating a unique and special skirt for her ceremony.
I take a break from this and move to mix some of the herbs I have had seeping for a few days, various flowers have been added to them. I think about last night, it was not exactly an entirely pleasant night but it was interesting. When I went to the fires there was a strange woman walking about, I asked her who she was, she was a stranger to me. She said she was Kaeli's daughter, I would nod in acknowledgement of that but did not call her by name, she is to me prospect, that is the way it is. I did not give her my name that is my right as a tuchuk free woman, though I am not a man, I still feel you must earn the right to call me by name. I am funny like that, do I expect that of others, no I do not, it is something that is part of me and what makes me, simply me. She gave some rhetoric of why she was here, now I have heard more than once that life is the answer to the question, so much so that now it is a rehearsed answer that all give, this is not what it means to prove why you would be tribe or why you should be trusted, those that have lived in cities have it harder, harder than anyone because essentially you have lost who and what you are, now some will deny this is true, but if you willingly leave the plains what is it you seek, what is out there that you think is better than the teachings of the plains, what is it that you think is so superior to the people of the plains, I do not agree to send an adult to the cities to learn much less a child, it is not something I would ever consider, but I do not judge those that do. Each has what they think is important. I have what I think is, but in my mind there is no greater teacher, no tougher teacher than the plains, and the plains will give you rewards beyond your wildest dreams, and the sky will give you experience and knowledge that can never be understood by those that do not have their heart beat connected to the plains and to the people.
Do I envy her what she will have to prove and endure,no I do not, I have tread that path, do I envy Kaeli having to watch and endure it, no, I do not, although I can empathize, but it does not change the way of things, I watched as the young girl interacted with others, I think she is trying to act more mature than she is and give the perception of being older, but she is still simply a child, a teenager, she should embrace and enjoy that, I watched her with Ayguili,and yet at the same time I was observing Ayguili and how he handled this situation. It is not an easy position to be in, he is both Ubar and friend to some, this line can sometimes get distorted and cause decisions to be made that would be less than right, or show favoritism, he will have this same spotlight when it comes to another from what I have seen and heard, but I noticed in his questioning of her and his words to others that he was able to separate the two. He was able to separate that Kaeli was a friend and he was able to separate this was her daughter, he had to act and be decisive as an Ubar, some may be unhappy, but from what I saw and heard, he was able to balance this burden and do what he felt is right for the tribe, and is that not what he is supposed to do? Will we always like or agree, probably not, but in the end if we are honest we can see the truth of things. Will he falter at times, more than likely, but that is what we are her for as a people to support him as he does us, to guide him as he does us, it is a partnership not a dictatorship,however, we should never loose sight of the fact that what he says is law, he is the Ubar, so far I see a warrior standing tall and proud within himself and of who he is. That does not mean he is out of the sleen house.
I saw and listened to the influx of emotions that would rise and fall, the frustrations and other emotions. It was to me as if watching an array of color spike and explode before my eyes. He made it clear she had to prove herself as if she were an outsider, the rationale I understood, she was not known to the tribe, and references to people of the past has no bearing on the here and now, I have seen some claim to be tribe and I knew for a fact that Trajen had banned them yet those that knew the same truths said otherwise. So do I pay attention to references of certain people of the past, not any more, we live in the here and now, not the past. I understood the rationale of words spoken. It is not easy to watch you daughter have to walk the gauntlet,in fact it is very hard, you want to step in and protect her, you want to guide her but you know you cant. It is a double edged sword.
Eventually it got on my last nerve, the constant bantering of why, the same rehearsed words over and over became like a thorn in my foot that I had to pull out so I did what I do best, I opened my mouth and said enough. I don't care who she is or where she was, I know all this already,the bottom line was, she was not tribe, she was a stranger to many, and she was not trusted because she has not lived here but in the luxury of a city, so for her to constantly say I was born here was irritating, this may be true it may not, it does not matter at the moment because she was not raised here, she has to relearn much, I don't care who her father was or whose blood runs in her veins, it means nothing to me, the only essential fact that has any importance is that she must earn her way. End of story. What is so damn hard about this. I reminded them of how easy they each had it,they had to do very little compared to what I went thru, what Cana went thru and what my own children went thru.
We had tasks from various people, we endured harsh taunting and tormenting, and we had to be voted in by the tribe, so for all this to be going on was just beyond ridiculous in my mind and it was just going on to long. What she has to learn is her own voice, find out who she is and what she wants, can you go from being in the city and be a part of the plains, it can be done, it is harder if you never kept a part of the plains with you or kept your ways. No matter where I lived, I had the dirt of the plains with me,I created something that always held the flow of water, I kept many of my ways, but still when I returned, was it difficult, it was, in fact it was very difficult to readjust back, you don't just simply return and be at one with everything, it takes work, a lot of hard work, but if you are true to you, true to the plains, and true to tribe it can be done.
Thank the skies everyone seemed to settle for a bit, Yamka and Seveya I had to remind them with a mild form of less than gentle nudge that you do not call a warrior by name in front of strangers. This brought on a question on Seveya 's uncle, would he also have to prove himself, Ayguili answered but I could see the perplexed expressions and thoughts rising upward, so I asked him to clarify,he advised that he was a prospect he would earn his place at the first wagons, I understood this, that was all I needed to know. This lead to a discussion between Kaeli and Ayguili over Mezoo, I winced inwardly, as here went this dicussion once more, various thoughts were shared in regards to this, and each made their thoughts known. I am not sure exactly that it ended all that well.
Seveya and Yamka had gone to the stream, I gave them a task for me, I would not tell them why but they would soon learn why. I always have a rationale for everything I do, the stones will have meaning, and in a few days she will see why. The sleen man joined us, I do not think he will ever lose that name, as all settled and the light bantering began, somehow we ended up on the discussions of kailla again, and of course how he told us of how big his was and he named him Danger, now the expression on his face was priceless, he did not remember telling us of naming it. So once more the conversation was filled with double meaning. Then he had to add about being more comfortable around sleen because they were more predictable and we had to educate him on the benefits of unpredictable, he asked if I was predictable, general consensus was no I wasn't, but then see I am far more dangerous, I bite. Well this lead to another interesting discussion. There was much laughter and exchanges of thoughts and a sharing of each other, it was good to laugh and share time with everyone at the fires. Laughter is the best medicine in life.
Of course he wanted to know things of us because we knew things of him, his question was not easily answered, what are we proud of. Good skies there is so much I could have put into that, I answered but it was only a short version. He asked for us to share what we would of ourselves, well that one I got out of as the discussion became sidetracked once more. I much prefer specific questions so I know what to share, some things of me come out accidentally, sometimes I don't think of things because well how do you share things of yourself just out of the blue, I think some things I would not share in such a public place, I do have some pride and some secrets are best left just that.
I had to leave to complete some work, I wagered that my kailla was faster than his. We shall see if he can handle it as he claims.
I have scared the poor year keeper. So what chance do you think the poor sleen man has.
Eventually I would return to the main camp and return to my own wagons, I have the hide that each of the women have worked on, Yamka has managed to procure me one of Seveya's skirts, I lay it out and carefully cut and shape all the pieces I have to create a skirt that is her size, here at the quiet of my wagon, I sew tight small seams to join the pieces of hide that Seveya herself has painted upon, creating a unique and special skirt for her ceremony.
I take a break from this and move to mix some of the herbs I have had seeping for a few days, various flowers have been added to them. I think about last night, it was not exactly an entirely pleasant night but it was interesting. When I went to the fires there was a strange woman walking about, I asked her who she was, she was a stranger to me. She said she was Kaeli's daughter, I would nod in acknowledgement of that but did not call her by name, she is to me prospect, that is the way it is. I did not give her my name that is my right as a tuchuk free woman, though I am not a man, I still feel you must earn the right to call me by name. I am funny like that, do I expect that of others, no I do not, it is something that is part of me and what makes me, simply me. She gave some rhetoric of why she was here, now I have heard more than once that life is the answer to the question, so much so that now it is a rehearsed answer that all give, this is not what it means to prove why you would be tribe or why you should be trusted, those that have lived in cities have it harder, harder than anyone because essentially you have lost who and what you are, now some will deny this is true, but if you willingly leave the plains what is it you seek, what is out there that you think is better than the teachings of the plains, what is it that you think is so superior to the people of the plains, I do not agree to send an adult to the cities to learn much less a child, it is not something I would ever consider, but I do not judge those that do. Each has what they think is important. I have what I think is, but in my mind there is no greater teacher, no tougher teacher than the plains, and the plains will give you rewards beyond your wildest dreams, and the sky will give you experience and knowledge that can never be understood by those that do not have their heart beat connected to the plains and to the people.
Do I envy her what she will have to prove and endure,no I do not, I have tread that path, do I envy Kaeli having to watch and endure it, no, I do not, although I can empathize, but it does not change the way of things, I watched as the young girl interacted with others, I think she is trying to act more mature than she is and give the perception of being older, but she is still simply a child, a teenager, she should embrace and enjoy that, I watched her with Ayguili,and yet at the same time I was observing Ayguili and how he handled this situation. It is not an easy position to be in, he is both Ubar and friend to some, this line can sometimes get distorted and cause decisions to be made that would be less than right, or show favoritism, he will have this same spotlight when it comes to another from what I have seen and heard, but I noticed in his questioning of her and his words to others that he was able to separate the two. He was able to separate that Kaeli was a friend and he was able to separate this was her daughter, he had to act and be decisive as an Ubar, some may be unhappy, but from what I saw and heard, he was able to balance this burden and do what he felt is right for the tribe, and is that not what he is supposed to do? Will we always like or agree, probably not, but in the end if we are honest we can see the truth of things. Will he falter at times, more than likely, but that is what we are her for as a people to support him as he does us, to guide him as he does us, it is a partnership not a dictatorship,however, we should never loose sight of the fact that what he says is law, he is the Ubar, so far I see a warrior standing tall and proud within himself and of who he is. That does not mean he is out of the sleen house.
I saw and listened to the influx of emotions that would rise and fall, the frustrations and other emotions. It was to me as if watching an array of color spike and explode before my eyes. He made it clear she had to prove herself as if she were an outsider, the rationale I understood, she was not known to the tribe, and references to people of the past has no bearing on the here and now, I have seen some claim to be tribe and I knew for a fact that Trajen had banned them yet those that knew the same truths said otherwise. So do I pay attention to references of certain people of the past, not any more, we live in the here and now, not the past. I understood the rationale of words spoken. It is not easy to watch you daughter have to walk the gauntlet,in fact it is very hard, you want to step in and protect her, you want to guide her but you know you cant. It is a double edged sword.
Eventually it got on my last nerve, the constant bantering of why, the same rehearsed words over and over became like a thorn in my foot that I had to pull out so I did what I do best, I opened my mouth and said enough. I don't care who she is or where she was, I know all this already,the bottom line was, she was not tribe, she was a stranger to many, and she was not trusted because she has not lived here but in the luxury of a city, so for her to constantly say I was born here was irritating, this may be true it may not, it does not matter at the moment because she was not raised here, she has to relearn much, I don't care who her father was or whose blood runs in her veins, it means nothing to me, the only essential fact that has any importance is that she must earn her way. End of story. What is so damn hard about this. I reminded them of how easy they each had it,they had to do very little compared to what I went thru, what Cana went thru and what my own children went thru.
We had tasks from various people, we endured harsh taunting and tormenting, and we had to be voted in by the tribe, so for all this to be going on was just beyond ridiculous in my mind and it was just going on to long. What she has to learn is her own voice, find out who she is and what she wants, can you go from being in the city and be a part of the plains, it can be done, it is harder if you never kept a part of the plains with you or kept your ways. No matter where I lived, I had the dirt of the plains with me,I created something that always held the flow of water, I kept many of my ways, but still when I returned, was it difficult, it was, in fact it was very difficult to readjust back, you don't just simply return and be at one with everything, it takes work, a lot of hard work, but if you are true to you, true to the plains, and true to tribe it can be done.
Thank the skies everyone seemed to settle for a bit, Yamka and Seveya I had to remind them with a mild form of less than gentle nudge that you do not call a warrior by name in front of strangers. This brought on a question on Seveya 's uncle, would he also have to prove himself, Ayguili answered but I could see the perplexed expressions and thoughts rising upward, so I asked him to clarify,he advised that he was a prospect he would earn his place at the first wagons, I understood this, that was all I needed to know. This lead to a discussion between Kaeli and Ayguili over Mezoo, I winced inwardly, as here went this dicussion once more, various thoughts were shared in regards to this, and each made their thoughts known. I am not sure exactly that it ended all that well.
Seveya and Yamka had gone to the stream, I gave them a task for me, I would not tell them why but they would soon learn why. I always have a rationale for everything I do, the stones will have meaning, and in a few days she will see why. The sleen man joined us, I do not think he will ever lose that name, as all settled and the light bantering began, somehow we ended up on the discussions of kailla again, and of course how he told us of how big his was and he named him Danger, now the expression on his face was priceless, he did not remember telling us of naming it. So once more the conversation was filled with double meaning. Then he had to add about being more comfortable around sleen because they were more predictable and we had to educate him on the benefits of unpredictable, he asked if I was predictable, general consensus was no I wasn't, but then see I am far more dangerous, I bite. Well this lead to another interesting discussion. There was much laughter and exchanges of thoughts and a sharing of each other, it was good to laugh and share time with everyone at the fires. Laughter is the best medicine in life.
Of course he wanted to know things of us because we knew things of him, his question was not easily answered, what are we proud of. Good skies there is so much I could have put into that, I answered but it was only a short version. He asked for us to share what we would of ourselves, well that one I got out of as the discussion became sidetracked once more. I much prefer specific questions so I know what to share, some things of me come out accidentally, sometimes I don't think of things because well how do you share things of yourself just out of the blue, I think some things I would not share in such a public place, I do have some pride and some secrets are best left just that.
I had to leave to complete some work, I wagered that my kailla was faster than his. We shall see if he can handle it as he claims.
I have scared the poor year keeper. So what chance do you think the poor sleen man has.
