A gift from Kaeli

I realized just how damn hard and cold the ground had become as I lay under my wagon drawing a design underneath it. I had a feeling my muscles would be screaming at me later tonight, but I needed to get this done before the move. It was a feeling I had and I needed to do it, there are a few others I have done this for this night as well. The risk of the cold seeping and settling into my body is worth it, for this was a powerful symbol, it had come to me as I walked, the answer to many things had come gathered into one point into my mind. We would be ready .

Though ready for what? Well that was the question of the night. One we had the answer to. But did not want to.

As I lay there , someone was nearing and I rolled out from beneath the wagon, I knew it wasn't any of my children, father had taken the boys out to teach them more on honing their tracking skills, and Hallie was doing various things for Cana and Chay, she seemed to learn much from these two women, though some things, well I might have to just get even with a two certain females.

It was then I noticed the package on my wagon, I recognized the color of the healers clan and touching it I knew it was from the young healer prospect. She has been doing much, it has not escaped my observations her efforts. Of how she performs every task no matter what without complaint and without whining or attitude. She has that fire of a tuchuk woman and that inner strength of one as well, she is learning much. And working hard to prove herself.

Opening it I noticed immediately the translucent white of the stones, lifting them gently I would look at them for the longest time they reminded my of the moons, they were beautiful and compelling to look at, I knew what they were and I had to smile, speaking softly to myself. " These meant a great deal to her. " I would gently put them back in their ebony cover and walk to my personal spex wagon and placed it beside the skull that Fonce gave me long ago. This is where I put things of special meaning to me. I was impressed that she would gift me with something so personal and also because she did it, it was good to see a young one having been taught something that many had forgotten. This impressed me the most. The gift would be treasured.

The dark embrace of night

In the ghostly tendrils of the night I find myself walking upon the plains, I can see the glow of the fires in the distance of the camp, it has been a very long time since I have found myself restless enough to simply walk with no destination and no purpose in mind. I hold the fur around me as it is cooler than it normally should be. Far colder than I would like. I wont stay out to long as I know Garyx will be returning from patrol, he was on a specific patrol my father set him upon, I did not ask as I know that when he can tell me he will. We have a unique understanding of each other, he was worth the wait that it took for him to come into my life.
Which is why I try to not work as I once used to, though admittedly I still do, but I do try for the most part, sometimes I admit I do not, there are times he has to come and find me, and well, that is not always a good thing, and the elders that are older than me, they find this most amusing, and somehow he has managed to have them think of him as some favored son, if that don't beat all.

I can feel my emotions in a turmoil and they beckon me to fall into them, it is an almost irresistible lure, but one that I fight within myself to not get entrapped in. Wisely, those of the clan do not push and do not ask, the elders are not happy of what they have seen, I am not happy of it either, we wait to see if it is followed and if it is not, the future of some depend upon their choices. I do know that if it not then there will be no respect rendered or acknowledgement, we will do as we do others that attempt the same game. There are reasons for every little and big thing we do, we have all worked to hard to establish various things, some at the request of another. Everything designed for a purpose, for lessons and for understanding of something that if left unchecked as it has been only allows for those that acted like sluts in an orgy, using our ways to tease men and do things that make all Spex look like we are nothing but slaves without a collar. It is not an image anyone wants tainting us because that is far from who we are or how we act. We have things in place that allow for the proper teaching that allows for another to grow, is it easy. No it isn't, it takes commitment and hard work, something that is sadly lacking of the younger ones.

I walk in the quiet of the night so that the influence of others do not touch me as I think upon things. It is the expectation that I will do or say something, truth is. I will not. It is the first time that I wash my hands of everything. When some things are ignored that have not been known to anyone outside of the inner circles of the clan, then it is time to just step back and let others make fools of themselves. I have seen those that are flamboyant and do things that we would not or could not do, simply because of lack of understanding. We are not airless wonders with our heads in the clouds, we do not walk around as if afraid to step on the grass or the rocks. Or each out to touch everything with this look of wonderment, I have seen this lately, and I truly just have to shake my head. If that is what is wanted, then that is what will be given, but not by me and not by the elders of the first wagons.

We have already retreated from the view of people and do our work quietly. Without fanfare, we are here, we just remain at the moment unseen, as we do what is needed for the tribe and various people, we also prepare for the last journey of one of the eldest of the eldest, he has been around since before my grandmothers mother, I enjoy sitting with him as he has taught me the old ways of our ways, he also tells me stories of my family, that father cannot. I will miss him as he has been an invaluable teacher and mentor. We know that we do not need to cause ripples in the water to create an ocean for our thoughts to be known. For me, I utilize the elements in everyday things, and for the moment it is the silence that is my guide and voice . For, we will not embrace these actions or this behavior, nor will we step in to change it or stop it, because given enough rope those that are fools do hang themselves.

Jai's First Sons Talisman delivered to the Ubar

The river of blackness encompassed the plains as if someone had spilt a large bottle of ink,if you watched closely you could see how it stained all that came within in fluid grasp. It was in this area of nothingness and yet a place of everything that I sat. Only a faint glimmer of light was evident from the low burning embers of my fire.

I have sat here for I am not sure how long, perhaps an ahn perhaps many ahn. For me there was no time when I placed myself in this state, this is where I seek answers, this warm place of peace, comfort and wisdom. There was no movement, no sound. Just a peace that had no words to describe it.

I found the vision I was seeking,once I had attained this I allowed myself to come back to a sense of awareness, it was then I realized it was evening. Without me consciously knowing it I had already been working on the talisman for Jai's son, the Ubar had requested it and I had wondered what to create to give to a young man who had just obtained his name and his scar. These were two major milestones in a warriors life. They were special, and it would require something just right.

Wincing just a bit as I moved from my spot, used to be sitting so long never bothered me, maybe it was age creeping up on me or maybe it was that cold ground and hard rock I had not seen when I first sat, either way I was not comfortable. So I would stretch and warm by the fire. Then I would walk to the Haruspex wagon that was my own personal one, this was the one I did some of my very personal work. Stepping inside, the familiar herbs and aromas assailed my senses. To me they each held a unique property to others they were merely a bunch of odd and sometimes scary looking items. I did enjoy embellishing a few things to add to that of course.

Upon one shelf bathed in layers of sage and ash leaves were small bosk horns that I had hollowed and carved into small tubular pieces, then I had for many days worked with various mixes of plants to dye them the deepest shade of black that I had seen, these were smooth to the touch almost as if the skies had kissed them to perfection, I had wondered why it had been in my mind to make these not having a reason to do so, but I followed my instinct and made them, now I knew why, they had been created in the most sacred and reverent of ways. Gently I would remove them and arrange them on a hide.. I would then take sinew and leather and tightly weave them together to create a bond that was durable and unbreakable. Then I would slip the bosk horns over it until I had three separate strings of these, nestled within each black horn were beads of gray, they looked as if they had been dipped in smoke. The rows of horns were bound together to create a simple masculine choker. In the center was placed an amulet in the deepest of red, simple unadorned but in a perfect circle, never beginning and never ending, the color of courage. Around the edge were etched small designs, each intricately woven and binding, providing protection and strength. In the middle was placed a single herlit feather the end had been dipped in red dye I had borrowed from one of the scarrers. I bartered for some of the things I needed . Which were readily given when they knew why, thereby imbuing within the talisman the hearts of the people, as he was part of the tribe so now were they a part of this important stage of his life. I made the ends long enough for him to easily secure it but not so long it would hinder, the very ends held a single silver bead with tiny rings on each side they would rest silently yet would rest cool on the skin. They would deflect negative energy back to those that would direct it.

Once this was all done, I would find a small wooden box and would sprinkle on the bottom of it bits of sage and moss and rest the choker upon it. I would close the box and leave my wagon and walk to the Ubars wagon and lay it there, I knew he was soon to seek me out but I had yet to see him, I did not trust slaves to handle something so important. I saw Rook and knew Cana could not be far so I asked him to ensure that he or Cana made sure Ba'atar received this, it was a talisman for Jai's son. I had a feeling that perhaps the Ubar might wish to gift him with this himself as he had requested it.

Then I departed and returned to my wagons to contemplate a few things. Each thing I did or made often carried a part of me with it, as I rested against the wagon on the ground my hands would burrow into the dirt as I gazed upon the moons. It was my way to reground myself, I needed to feel the plains, hear her heartbeat, feel the kiss of the winds, it was these things that kept me from pouring to much of myself into anything or anyone. It allowed me to give just what was needed.

There is nothing more beautiful than the moons over the plains, casting an etheric cloak of mystery and allure. This is why we flourished, for it is the vast openness that allows us to feel the protective embrace of the plains.

Kaeli's Talisman

The iridescent fingers of the moon would splash lightly within the circle of her wagons, the fire would sputter and hiss as a blend of herbs was tossed within its awaiting flames. The fragrance was light and airy. It had over the past few days carefully blended with Kaeli in mind. Around the fire sat small blue bowls filled with water altered with large stones. The white feather

Ba 'atar had given me hung over the wafting scent, it was in its last stages of purification.

I sat by the fire, with my eyes closed, chanting softly, calling forth various gaurdians and elements, the vibration would echoed around the circle of wagons, I always kept ours this way, each one sat within a specific spot in a specific direction, even in my personal area everything had its place and purpose. In my hand lay made out of tem wood a small circle that I had carved. I did not lack for supplies given all I had stashed over the turnings during my travels, the trade post I owned with my sister also had much hidden away. It was a wealth I didn't speak of or reveal using only what I needed from it for the tribe or for things I or the family needed, simply because I had always lived my life simply, but when I worked as a physician outside of the plains, well, dwellers put much stock in material things, but it was to my benefit now. Because they sure pay well for things that we would think rather simple. Got to love the way those dwellers think. And of course given how much time I spent among them, I am not some uneducated plainsmen, I know thier language and ways.

The wood had been placed in water and sat in the light of the moons over night, in the water had been placed various crushed flower petals and herbs that I felt were in tune with the young healer. When it was still soft I carefully carved into it upon it were the three moons watching over the plains, blades of grass whispered softly in the winds or so it appeared. Within the blades of grass carved lie symbols of good luck, The Ubar had requested a talisman of good luck. In the center of the wood was a figure of a woman, down her form were carved additional symbols, ones to prevent self doubt and to acquire knowledge. As it was now dry, I sat allowing that which was beyond me to guide me, to hear and see those that have gone on before them, in this state I was able to create images I normally could not, vibrant colors of yellow, red,blue, green, black and brown adorned the wood, each color had a specific energy and meaning, I chose them on purpose. The feather the Ubar gave me was removed from its warm embrance and was then attached to the left side of it along with beads of light blue. This to done with great purpose and reason, everything I did in life has meaning, regardless of how it seems or does not seem.

It would take a few ahns to finish this, and when it was done I would clear my mind once more and slide thru it leather tightly braided and added various colored beads to it to allow for it to catch the light and captivate the eye. Carefully I would wrap it in a soft tanned hide and wrap a piece of leather about it, adorning it with strips of black and purple. This alone would allow her to know who made it, the feather would allow her to know from who it was from. I then walked to where the young healer was staying and she lay it outside of her wagon along with a basket of various herbs, healing salves and teas.

I then sent a slave to the back wagons, "Let the Ubar know Kaelis talisman is done and delivered to her, " I then returned to my own wagons once more to work on things that required my attention. Hopefully, it was up to his standards and she would like it.

To release the web of darkness

We tried our best to lighten the evening up, but how could you really, it was a sad day to lose two of the tribe in such a way. Even though I am very good at hiding what I feel and think, inside I could feel a great sadness, but I could not allow myself to dwell upon it. My main concern was the others and I could not sit and watch anyone fall into despair.

So what do you do to lighten the mood, why you torment someone of course, and who better than Ba 'atars brother. Now, you know he is one serious warrior. I swear I was looking for his face to crack if he smiled, and I just bet he is as stubborn as the day is long, it was good to see a young warrior present himself as he did. He was not like many of these young ones that think our old ways can be shed like an ost shedding his skin. Though he could lighten up just a bit, I suspect there is a reason, I observed various subtle nuances that reveal one who has been thru a great deal. I recognize that wall, it is one I utilized and still do at times effectively. Though he did allow a glimmer of himself to be seen even if he does not realize it. We actually got him to smile and even joke a bit. Somehow I got the impression that is something that is not easy for him, almost as if he expected not to have his humor accepted, we are tuchuks we love a good laugh and joke.

Cana did not escape the tormenting either, though father has a warped sense of humor, talking of water to a pregnant woman, now you know she is going to have to quickly find the trenches. Though she was laughing and that is all that mattered. To see her mood lighten.

As I sat there I thought to the leatherworker prospect, you know she just does not get it, if she is who she claims then why does she know nothing of tuchuks or how we are. She cannot even answer the simple question of why would we trust her, what would make anyone consider her being part of this tribe. Even my youngest son can answer that. Cana's unborn child could answer that. The reason she cannot is simple and I told her as much, simply put she is a dweller, she is no tuchuk, not a drop of tuchuk blood is in her. Her blue eyes will make a good addition to my jar. Those bells she wears she sounds more like a slave who is not trusted than some free woman. Do women in cities really think that being timid, demure and giving sickenly sweet smiles will get you what you desire, if so then no wonder those cities are so infected with laziness and softness. She is fake, no matter how you slice it. As a prospect she can deny no one of the tribe a request , no matter what it is. now mine is simple, but she made an assumption, a very wrong assumption, I think she thought rattling off a rhetoric of how the Ubar ordered this and that meant something to me, I knew his orders, and I had no intention of altering them, now had I asked that of anyone else they would have done it without question, why, because of trust, it is clear she has no trust of the tribe, so therefore we do not extend her the same courtesy. She has shown her colors, she will never be anything but a want to be tuchuk in my eyes. And she thinks she is entitled the only thing she is entitled to is roasting alive over the fires of the plains. And her blonde hair well that alone would look nice as a decoration on a wagon or woven in to a nice rope, its funny Chay is blonde with green eyes, but, she was raised by the Taluna, she is no soft dweller though she is slowly learning to lose that edge, as I say slowly cause she can turn on a coin with quicksilver moods. But , she has tuchuk blood in her, I have determined from the quiva she has that it belonged to her father, I have yet to speak of her of it, but you can see the blood in her, that much is apparent, I just have to figure out whose blood line she is of, that has not been easy. Had she been a man she would have been an excellent warrior, some think she is trying to be one, but what they forget is, that she was raised to be a huntress of the jungles, that alone makes her different, she can mimic any animal, track with the best of them. Then to add to that Brutus trained her to be an assassin, not many know of this, but he trained her well, she never failed, and I know that he was harder on her than anyone else he trained, he had succeeded in breaking any warmth and emotion in her. Father has managed to bring some of that back, but will she ever be free of what had become natural to her. I hope that some of the warriors like Jai and others realize she speaks a certain way it is not out of disrespect she is just far more blunt than we are, she is quick to lose her temper and once out she is like a raging hurricane blowing over the plains. She is more open in what she is and can do and does not apologize for it. I have to smile for she is the one many fear, but yet there is a reason she fears me. Its the quieter ones that you have to watch, I too learned from those of my past. Things I shouldn't know.. but do .. they do come in handy.

Which brings me to this prospect from the back wagons, one claiming to be spex, strange is it not if she is that she does not know our etiquette, and I know the back wagons do not teach differently than the first, she dare seek out my fires and think that her speaking to the others gathered of her linage meant something, I had them send her away, she had no knowledge of the ways of the spex and I did not have time for yet another who felt compelled to make claims yet clearly did not know patience or respect. This linage means nothing to me it is not impressive, the elders of the clan watch, and we speak of who is possibly part of us and who we will teach, some do not even realize they are what they are. and I have often found it amazing ones who think they are when they have no one in their blood that is or the ones who make claims because they think because their mother or grandmother or father was one they to are one and entitled to be one, well daydreaming does not a spex make, fanciful delusions of the mind does not a spex make. This one already is not on my good side which means she will not find it easy nor do I trust her. No, I will not make it easy for her and it will be done on my time in my way not hers. She will learn the hard way a few things. I have a way to teach patience and it is not pretty and the first time she will fail as everyone has, there is no exception to this. There is a reason for that. But, wether or not a person gets it is another reason.
My children have all gone thru this . Each of them failed also. Each elder has gone thru it and failed I failed it twice. But, I got the rationale for that lesson. I also learned the lesson. As did Falon and Lochley when they were younger.

When I returned to the fires Garyx was there, I sat with him and the others for a short while we spoke of everything that has occurred, and of course he did jokingly remind me of not working so long, but even though he was teasing, I knew the seriousness behind it as well. I did get the message. Needless to say that night I was not working long into the night nor did I when he was not on patrol but when he was out hunting or helping in the tribe, well I did my part to. I can get away with it .. for now.

Death becomes the plains

There is a chill in the air,one that is colder than usual for this time of year. What we saw is coming to pass. But I keep it to myself. There is much lingering in the air lately. Things that make me wonder of people.
Out of all the prospects I can honestly say only one is around to make an effort and she works on it with the determination of a Tuchuk woman.

I think Kaeli may yet prove herself. But I am not completely certain, there will be additional tests, ones designed to test honor and trust. Ones she will not realize are even being done. This will reveal much.

Everyone has been busy preparing for the move, when it will come has not yet been shown, but this journey there will not be half moving and half moving later,people chose to ignore the warning of the Haruspex and yet they think we don't know the whispers and words spoken because we refused to move until it was shown to do so. We heard but we chose to ignore it as most were from slaves who really had no clue and of course we found it amusing they though to delve into our affairs. Needless to say they did not live long. A lesson to others.

As I sit here at my wagons it has been a few days since I have written, some things I wanted to write but they elude me at the moment, perhaps it is everything that has occurred. I find myself perplexed and left a bit confused and saddened. I watched as father went to carry out the Ubars orders, now this would seem like a no brainer that such orders be carried out. But, it was anything but simple, in fact what I saw just made me shake my head in surprise and made my heart heavy.

I watched as Polunu attempted to stop father from collaring Sakmeta at the Ubars orders by saying she was his slave, now someone is lying, Either he was to protect her and then I have to ask why, did he forget about the mate he had, that had been pregnant with a child, did he not realize he has been gone for over an en'var. Did his injuries addle his brain, no , they hadn't for he was quite clear in his words and actions, which were designed to provoke reaction, this is what perplexes me because I have always liked the salt hunter, I have always seen him act with honor, but yet, what I was watching tonight was not. Throwing insults to the second in command but publicly going against the Ubar and bestowing remarks that would unman any warrior near. I just do not understand, and it saddens me to have watched it. We may not always agree with the Ubar, but does it not make sense to accept what he orders then when you see him request to speak of it somewhere else. Instead of at the main fires make a spectacle and speak as if you were some dweller of the city. I was of the thought it was something that could have been resolved, but Polunu seemed to be over reacting over a woman not his mate, and worse if she was owned by him now, over a woman who is but property. As for Sakmeta, I am not sure if she was lying or not, when she returned she clearly acted and spoke as a free woman, her own words revealed she was no slave, or was she lying and impersonated a free woman which then would have cost her not only freedom but possibly her own life. And she sat there watching Polunu make a fool of himself, for her. Why I have to wonder, she left without word to anyone, yet claims she did, Fonce I know was a stickler for the drummers giving word and his commanders always knew who was coming and leaving. I remember Saresh getting whipped by Bo for leaving to go look for Eva, I remember the order that decreed by Fonce that Tanner was to be chained and tried if he returned after he left to find his sisters and mother. I also recall how angry Fonce was at me when I had gone to see my sister and brother, now I had his permission as I spoke to him and father both, Garyx also had permission we did this out of respect to him and to ensure he knew that tribe matters and clan matters were taken care of and arrangements made to who would cover things for us. However, he was angry at me because I forgot to let him know when I was leaving I think that is the angriest I had seen him, it was my mistake, one that was upon me to take care of, and I did, but not at the main fires to insult and dishonor not only him, but myself or my mate and family. Honor is everything to a tuchuk. So I am wondering why did Sakmeta and Polunu feel they were the exceptions to this.

I have to wonder what occurred in the city that would cause her to submit to Polunu, when she talked with Cana and I she spoke as a free woman infatuated with a warrior, and yet now it has been cast upon her this deception. In the end even other warriors could only look on in shock at the behavior, death was the only option left. I know that it was not the choice wanted, and I know that it hurt for it to have been made, father saw him as an adopted son. In the end it is tribe above all something seemingly forgotten, while he fought Kassar, the question is still in the air why did he leave tribe and clan, our warriors do not seek vision quests that is the way of the red savage, but those that seek guidance do so at the fires of the clan not off the plains and not in a city. The insult to both my father and Ba'atar was beyond what could be allowed, both Polunu and Sakmeta were killed.

I was worried of Cana her upset over it all was more than she should have had to watch, I tried to distract her and keep her from getting ill, I am not sure if I was of much help. But I did what I could. For a while after that things seemed to settle.

At least for a few ehn,

Prospects, who will make it and who will not?

I have not yet left my personal fires today, for this morning I still find fatigue clinging to me refusing to release its hold. By now I should have had much to do. I have done as Garyx requested and not over do it and to rest. Now, he could have easily order or demand that I do nothing, but he did not, I know that his request came from his concern. He alone saw the effects of the ritual upon me, of how not enough furs could warm me. Of how it seemed as if every bit of energy had been drained of me, in truth it took more out of me than I let on to him or anyone else. I would not worry him. As he held me during the night the warmth of him enveloping me as I slept a deep sleep. No dreams, no thoughts just nothingness. In his arms I was protected, safe, secure and loved.

I assured him when he went out on patrol that all was good, I could not have him distracted with worry about me when he needed his focus and wits about him on patrol, especially know that Kassar have been sighted and even one a captive. Surely she doesn't strive to seek her place here other than as a slave, because she is no Tuchuk. And no one here would welcome her, she does not have a right to be part of us other than a lowly slave that would work to keep her life. I would kill her first chance I got, after all they owe me. A life for a life. An eye for an eye. They took my son, now first chance I get I will take one of theirs. I am a vengeful bitch at times and I don't apologize for it. Nor would I.

Kaeli has been doing well, she strives to prove herself. I do not yet fully trust her, but, she has shown much potential and what I have seen speaks of much, she acknowledges when she has done something she should not have, and endeavors to learn from it and correct it. She is yet young and has much to learn, but I see the efforts she makes to prove herself, she does not give up when faced with the challenges that all prospects endure. She might falter, but she does not give up. And I rather think she and Jai are well suited together. Perhaps if she makes it I might play matchmaker, he deserves to have happiness in his heart once more. To long has he closed himself off, opening himself to those not right for him, perhaps he will see what is before him. With a little help of course.

I have not seen the other prospect Rayen much, her I do not trust, she gives answers that can be obtained from any source, she does not have a tuchuk heart or spirit. She has much yet to prove herself, I hope that Cana is careful,and does not develop a deep affection for her, because I would have to kill the woman if she hurt Cana. Then there is the newest one, Aponi. A young blonde child she makes claims by name dropping, and that hardly impresses me. She has no drop of tuchuk blood in her so why would I care who she knew or didn't know. I do know that she thinks she should be here why simply because her adoptive mother was tuchuk, someone who was rarely around to begin with, and I have a hard time believing this woman is her daughter, because she is to old to be her daughter. Even on Gor we don't grow up that fast. So I already have doubts of her. When asked what she has to offer to the tribe or the people, her answer remains the same that she is a leather worker. Now I have to wonder, what does that mean, that she is far more skilled than those we have? Or that she thinks that is what we need. It hardly explains to me what value she offers to us. So far I see nothing that would warrant her being a free woman of the tuchuk. She lacks the heart and spirit of the people. The only thing that gives her credit is she has blue eyes, I can add those to my jar. Her hair would make good rope to bind her with. She is way to submissive in nature, she holds the ways of dwellers, she is tainted with their ways. She will have a long hard path in proving herself. Because she has done nothing to show why we would accept her, and the women of the tribe that allow a prospect to take care of their children, they should be whipped for forgetting how we treat strangers, prospects and unscarred warriors, absolutely no way would I allow a prospect to watch over my children, what better way to wound us than thru our children. No I think not.

I must say, Cana, got her ire up last night and most eloquently she ripped the blonde prospect a new backside, it was well done. I have to admit, I rather liked that fire that she showed. She nailed her with facts and thank the skies she removed those annoying beads, the girl fidgets way to much, much to timid and weak to make it here. She thinks her looks and smiles will get her what she wants, all it will get her is a collar, because her actions make her less than cute.

I was enjoying the tormenting Jai and his son also rendered upon her. You know they would make good cohorts in crime when it comes to strangers and prospects.. Now if only I could get them to give me that kassar captive. Wouldn't that make good payment for services I have to render, mmm now there is a thought, one I might have to explore.

All to soon I had to rest .Though before I did I gave Kaeli a gift to use within the clan she aspires to be a part of, I think she was surprised by it and what I gave her. Little does she know that I have many things stocked up in my wagons, many things from over the envars that I had been given by various people, and of course my trade contacts in various places, that I had developed back when I worked as a merchant in order to survive. But, some things are left unsaid and unknown, I use what I have for the tribe. And she has earned this small gift.

I fell asleep before Garyx returned from patrol, but I knew he was there, I felt him the moment he lay beside me and pulled me to him. And once more I rested within his arms, the one place that I never question belonging. We have a bond that neither of us would or could explain, it goes beyond the love we share. He always knows how to handle me. That in and of itself is a rare gift. One we each cherish and treasure, and we work daily on our relationship never taking it for granted.

The Omens call with urgency and importance

It was early morning, the skies still fought to hold the blanket of black velvet that shrouded the plains, only the faint tinge of lavender and pink skimmed the edges of the horizon revealing that dawn was fighting its way to the surface once more in the age old battle of darkness and light.

One lone figure sat upon a large majestic silvery white kaiila, one that seemed as if made from the mists that swirled in an iridescent mantle along the ground, revealing and concealing many things in its cool caress. Something had pulled her to ride out this early in the morning, at first she thought it was just to watch the beauty of the sunrise for it was one of her favorite times of day, but as she sat there in the stillness, listening. She knew that was not the reason. For in the skies and mists she saw something, it unsettled her, but she did get the message that they were revealing to her. She would not ignore what was bestowed upon her, with a respectful nod to the skies, with a que to her kailla, he would turn and without warning ride fast and hard back to the camp. The rider and beast as always were one, for he bore no weight of a saddle or reins, he was a free spirit, he was a part of her as she as him.

When they arrived to the clan fires, she moved about waking the other elders. They would gather things needed for an emergency reading was required before the move, something was wrong, very wrong and she needed to see what it was and what they were supposed to do, it was rare that such a warning was given. And they each knew not to question but to heed it.

After a few ahns the elders had ridden to a sacred area of the plains not known by others and not seen by anyone unless they wished it to be known, it was known only to the elders. They moved about in a sacred manner setting up the stone circle. They would wait for just the right time and only then would Oyunblileg take the brush of twigs and feathers and walk around the circle, her words, though soft were reverent to all around her, speaking in the old language of the Tuchuk as they often did in such rituals, she would sweep out darkness and sweep out doom, only a pure ground was allowed for such work that was needed. Then she took her place and all other would follow taking their appointed places, each would perform their sacred task to create the energy and ambiance of sacredness that was required, each had to be in the space of thought and emotion in order to perform the ritual right. Tarra took a large sword that was for ceremonial use only, it was handed down to each generation of Haruspex, this one was handed to her by Nasatai before she died as Tarra took her place, it had also many turnings ago belonged to Tarras mother, grandmother and so forth. She lifted it reverently to the skies the blade catching the rays of light that would reflect into the circle with each step she took, her voice though musical in its chanting, held a different vibration and power as if the skies themselves spoke thru her. Each word spoken with purpose as the circle was protected and their area of work could not be harmed or touched.

Only then did they each work as one to see what omens would be revealed. They would channel an energy so great that it felt as if they stood within a fire, the winds would blow around them dancing and swirling speaking and howling as the lightening zig zagged across the sky heralding in the sudden onslaught of rain that was as cold as ice and felt as if shards of glass were going thru each of them, yet they held steadfast never breaking their concentration and never faltering in their commitment as even the ground seemed to shudder beneath them threatening to open up and devour them on the spot. This went on for many ahns, this was one of those times that such a reading would exhaust them and take almost everything out of them.

Suddenly there was only silence and almost eerie silence, no wind, no sound. It was as it they stood in a vacuum of nothingness. Tarra stood with the rest of them until when it felt right she would step to the center and upon the main alter sat the entrails of a fresh kill that the hunters had brought them, intricately marked fingers moved along the trails of blood and tissue as each minute thing revealed something. She stepped back visibly shaken, what she saw caused an alarming pallor to take hold of her skin and she almost could not breathe. What she saw was what awaited them if they left on the day that was set. The images of rivers of blood flooding the plains was so intense she could taste its sweet coppery taste, the arrows so many that they blocked out the sun casting a dark shadow over the plains followed by piercing screams of pain and death. None would be spared, all would be slaughtered within the span of a heartbeat. That was when she saw the one that always hovered. She spoke to the others, they quickly unmantled the circle and she went to find Ba'atar. She had to find him quickly, there was an urgency that she had never felt before, not since she was a child and she had seen the death of many Tuchuk. It unnerved her then just as much as it did now. It was a feeling she could not shake, and she could not get warm, a coldness gripped her so tight that her entire body would tremble from it.

There was no time to waste,still soaked from the rain she took an offered fur from one of the others as Mist Runner appeared from the outer edges of the plains and she quickly rode back to the camp weaving thru the wagons with a speed and urgency that none have ever seen before, for the first time she did not mask her emotions, she could not. Eventually she found him, dismounted, and revealed to him that they could not start the move on the date he wished to. Though the same path was still revealed to take and he was to watch for the sign on the trail of when to change the route to higher ground, the date had to be delayed by a few days, she gave him the day that they should begin the move. She told him of how it was revealed that they were to do an additional reading to see what the skies and winds were showing them she told him of what she saw if they left on that day. No Tuchuk would be left standing and none would be left alive.

She knew he would think on what she told him as she left him to see her own wagon, it would take most of the night for her to be able to recover from the reading, it would take many ahns before she would feel warm again or for the images to be removed from her mind. For her it would be a long arduous night. Though she would never complain of it. For her, such things were worth what was given in return.

Questions, with no answers.

The days seem to fade into one another rather quickly, is it because I am older that it seems so or is it because there is always something to take care of that makes it seem like time moves faster. That is an age old question I do not think can be answered with any certainty.

There is no lack of things to keep us busy, the preparation for the move alone consumed much of our time. I find myself with a few ehn of quiet and I sit by the stream listening to it rush along the pebbles and stones that created a tapestry of color beneath the clear surface.

Predictably, with a new Ubar we see those of old crawl out from beneath a murky, bug infested swamp to suddenly reappear on the plains as if they have always been here, and they stand with an air of entitlement thinking they are still tribe or should be apart of the tribe. I have often wondered, if they really felt the commitment to tribe, then where have they been? And what of those who supposedly were prospects back when Bo was Ubar and even down thru Fonce, none of them were ever around proving themselves, yet, they think they should be allowed part of the tribe simply because they have tuchuk blood in them or were raised by someone of tuchuk blood. Do any of them remember that the law of the tuchuks has always been Tribe above all else first and foremost it comes before their wants and needs, yet they failed to show they know any of our ways, let alone show that they are truly tuchuk. Personally, they are better off in the city.

I also find it interesting that one who chose to leave, and speaks disparingly of the tuchuk, but yet still claims to be tuchuk even though she chose to go to a city to dwell with the dwellers, wishes to visit. Does she expect a warm welcome from those of us that know she willingly chose to abandon tribe for her own selfish reasons, simply because she could not handle this life. She is much better suited to the softness of dwellers and the soft men there. Clearly she is no tuchuk regardless of what she proclaims, her words no longer hold meaning here. She has shown herself, and I do not respect her, to me she is nothing.

I have been observing much going on in the camp when I sit by the fires or even speak with others. Some things do not seem quite right to me. Polunu and Sakmeta have returned, it is their return alone that is a surprise given they each had suddenly disappeared, without a word or anything, and yet we are to blindly accept their return without question. Polunu returned injured, from what we were told they ran into Kassar. I have no love of Kassar they have taken much from me, and I also know they were the ones that attacked Garyx and I when we were out riding, if not for Garyx's abilities I would not be here. But I have to wonder, where has Polunu been all this time, he has been gone for well over a turning, leaving behind not only his tribe but his mate. And yet, there are no answers to any of this yet. We will have to await what Father and Ba'atar find out as none of us are allowed inside the healers wagon to speak with him. Then there is Sakmeta, she is currently chained to the Ubars wagon wheel. I am not sure why she is surprised for she left without a word also, to go who knows where. Why is that when people leave they expect to be welcomed back as if they had been here all along. I have not understood this. Fonces words about Tanner still weigh heavy upon people so it is understood that if others did the same, then they too would share the fate that would await him should he return. I find myself somewhat perplexed by the situation. As are others.

But if that was not enough to wrap my brain around, there was Bo's actions, when a warrior chains a woman it is not the right of another warrior to undermine his authority by undoing it. It does not matter who the warrior or woman is. That is just not done, yet Bo undid Sakmeta as if he had the right. I have to give
Ba'atar credit, he handled himself well with everything, nor did he respond to the actions of others designed to get reaction . It was a night of mixed thoughts and emotions. I have always had respect for Bo, but his words and actions, concern me.. I find myself troubled by them. A foreshadowing of things to come? Or is it just total lack of respect towards another warrior, one that happens to be Ubar. Had my father or Garyx chained her would they to get such disrespect thrown at them. Yes, I am troubled about this. But I say nothing I merely watch and listen.

To see what may come of it all. There are many questions with no answers. Yet.

A moment of respite

I take a moment within the circle of my wagons to sit and relax. Something I have not done for a few hands. There as been much to do, even though Garyx is home safe and sound I have not really seen him as he has been helping with repairs of wagons, hunting and delivering extra furs and meat to those that are elder and those without family or warriors to help them. At night I feel him next to me as I automatically move into his arms even half asleep. I saw Chay helping as well but if you asked her she wouldn't admit to it. She doesn't like anyone to see that nicer side of her. I watch people judge her and realize that they never take the time to get past how she is, that is her no matter if people like it or not. She is how she is thru the molding of fate and men of Gor. She was trained to be an assassin, and whether anyone can accept it or not is really not something she cares about, but she is a cold, unfeeling woman and she is a huntress, raised by the Taluna. And yet there is that side of her that is intelligent, humorous and loving. What do people expect some meek silent woman. No Tuchuk woman is reserved,demure and sweet. We are bold, arrogant, mouthy wenches. Plain and simple. I know if a man says jump I don't ask how high, his slut might but from me he will get an earful. But, then again, most know that of me. They know how I am.

There are many things I should write about, the reading given to Ba'atar, I believe he will take my words as meaningful and follow thru with what was recommended from what we saw, and I hope he remembers what he is to look for. I have been observing him for some time now. As in all things time will tell what he will become. He has the welfare of the tribe as a whole within his heart, so that is a good start. Father I think is good for him, both as a warrior and someone for him to talk to.

There are new faces in the camp, I am not sure what I think of them yet, I have been testing in ways they do not even realize. I tend to watch. What I see and hear often tells me much more than anything else. Though I have noticed the formation of a bit of a click, certain ones only are around with certain people . So this tells me much already. I have formulated my thoughts on all of them already. It will be up to them to either change my thoughts or prove me wrong. We shall see. I do not trust them, to much dweller ways and influence stains them all. No one can know things that fast. But as in all things time will tell.

I saw Shi the other night, he seems to be back to his usual ways, I am not sure why he spilled blackwine on the ground with the girl dung. But, I wonder if he realizes that he wasted something that is not easily obtained and expensive in trade, or that the cream is from the bosk and that sugar also is not common for us. Was he upset with the girl that he did not realize his own actions? Or is it something else. Either way I hope that he realizes what he did.

The slave girl dung, you know I tolerate slaves. I do not particularly care for them as to me they aren't to be trusted as far as you could throw one. But as a rule I am rarely mean to them, of course I torment them with the thoughts I might remove their eyes,tongues or make stew out of them. After all what better way to ensure they don't try to poison you when as a spex they know you could do those things and more if you chose. But, she annoyed me, if there is one thing I cannot abide it is a slave crying for no reason other than the fear of living. The fear of the what ifs of life. If she does not get it together she will not live long. This life is not soft and easy, we all live each day in thanks that we live and breathe, for we know all to well each day could be our last. I let her have it, if she is going to devalue herself and dishonor her master well, that is on her. I only hope she realizes these things. Next time I might well kill her and make her sleen bait. Then pay what I think she as worth. I was not the one she should have been doing that around. I am not the nice one.

Lately I have felt out of sorts and misplaced. Is it the preparation of the move or is it something else. For the first time I have felt like an outsider looking in. It is a disconcerting feeling, I realize that there is no one outside of my mate that I have as a best friend or confidante, kind of makes me miss the days of when Dina and Lukus were around, times like this I really wish my brothers and sisters were around. My children are close to me but there are things you do not tell your children or your father, it must be the emotions of many touching me. And that I am missing my talks with Garyx, something that has been beyond our control. Hopefully soon we will have some time together. As he is my mate, my confidante, I know I can share anything from trivial to serious and in between and he wont judge me. I know I can share my deepest darkest secrets and fears and not be seen as less. It has to be something in the air as I know for sure I am not with child, I do not stop the sip root until he wants me to. So it has to be something else, but what it is I am not sure. Though I do know that there are things I have noticed of older members of this tribe that make me scratch my head and wonder what bug crawled up them and died or just what is going on with a few. I have to wonder at the sudden politics I see in a race to see who can be better at this and stand out as more important than anyone else. I don't recall us being taught to be that way. I have thoughts on many things, but I do not speak them lest they be taken wrong and people get upset. Though I have given subtle reminders of some things and hints of others designed to warn of what not to do or become. When people begin to change then I know something is about to happen. I suppose I am just not nice enough or sweet enough and play the suck up game. That isn't me and I am hardly a teenager or in my twenties. Perhaps I am to old to be around all these young ones. They do things differently and think differently. I am simply me. And at this stage of my life I don't see me changing.

I have become a relic.. or what those of earth say a dinosaur. I wonder do they put us out to pasture so to speak. Maybe that is why when I am about I hardly see people and when I have work to do or need to rest that is when all gather. Perhaps it is a message that my clouded brain has not gotten yet, but I think I get it now.