We tried our best to lighten the evening up, but how could you really, it was a sad day to lose two of the tribe in such a way. Even though I am very good at hiding what I feel and think, inside I could feel a great sadness, but I could not allow myself to dwell upon it. My main concern was the others and I could not sit and watch anyone fall into despair.
So what do you do to lighten the mood, why you torment someone of course, and who better than Ba 'atars brother. Now, you know he is one serious warrior. I swear I was looking for his face to crack if he smiled, and I just bet he is as stubborn as the day is long, it was good to see a young warrior present himself as he did. He was not like many of these young ones that think our old ways can be shed like an ost shedding his skin. Though he could lighten up just a bit, I suspect there is a reason, I observed various subtle nuances that reveal one who has been thru a great deal. I recognize that wall, it is one I utilized and still do at times effectively. Though he did allow a glimmer of himself to be seen even if he does not realize it. We actually got him to smile and even joke a bit. Somehow I got the impression that is something that is not easy for him, almost as if he expected not to have his humor accepted, we are tuchuks we love a good laugh and joke.
Cana did not escape the tormenting either, though father has a warped sense of humor, talking of water to a pregnant woman, now you know she is going to have to quickly find the trenches. Though she was laughing and that is all that mattered. To see her mood lighten.
As I sat there I thought to the leatherworker prospect, you know she just does not get it, if she is who she claims then why does she know nothing of tuchuks or how we are. She cannot even answer the simple question of why would we trust her, what would make anyone consider her being part of this tribe. Even my youngest son can answer that. Cana's unborn child could answer that. The reason she cannot is simple and I told her as much, simply put she is a dweller, she is no tuchuk, not a drop of tuchuk blood is in her. Her blue eyes will make a good addition to my jar. Those bells she wears she sounds more like a slave who is not trusted than some free woman. Do women in cities really think that being timid, demure and giving sickenly sweet smiles will get you what you desire, if so then no wonder those cities are so infected with laziness and softness. She is fake, no matter how you slice it. As a prospect she can deny no one of the tribe a request , no matter what it is. now mine is simple, but she made an assumption, a very wrong assumption, I think she thought rattling off a rhetoric of how the Ubar ordered this and that meant something to me, I knew his orders, and I had no intention of altering them, now had I asked that of anyone else they would have done it without question, why, because of trust, it is clear she has no trust of the tribe, so therefore we do not extend her the same courtesy. She has shown her colors, she will never be anything but a want to be tuchuk in my eyes. And she thinks she is entitled the only thing she is entitled to is roasting alive over the fires of the plains. And her blonde hair well that alone would look nice as a decoration on a wagon or woven in to a nice rope, its funny Chay is blonde with green eyes, but, she was raised by the Taluna, she is no soft dweller though she is slowly learning to lose that edge, as I say slowly cause she can turn on a coin with quicksilver moods. But , she has tuchuk blood in her, I have determined from the quiva she has that it belonged to her father, I have yet to speak of her of it, but you can see the blood in her, that much is apparent, I just have to figure out whose blood line she is of, that has not been easy. Had she been a man she would have been an excellent warrior, some think she is trying to be one, but what they forget is, that she was raised to be a huntress of the jungles, that alone makes her different, she can mimic any animal, track with the best of them. Then to add to that Brutus trained her to be an assassin, not many know of this, but he trained her well, she never failed, and I know that he was harder on her than anyone else he trained, he had succeeded in breaking any warmth and emotion in her. Father has managed to bring some of that back, but will she ever be free of what had become natural to her. I hope that some of the warriors like Jai and others realize she speaks a certain way it is not out of disrespect she is just far more blunt than we are, she is quick to lose her temper and once out she is like a raging hurricane blowing over the plains. She is more open in what she is and can do and does not apologize for it. I have to smile for she is the one many fear, but yet there is a reason she fears me. Its the quieter ones that you have to watch, I too learned from those of my past. Things I shouldn't know.. but do .. they do come in handy.
Which brings me to this prospect from the back wagons, one claiming to be spex, strange is it not if she is that she does not know our etiquette, and I know the back wagons do not teach differently than the first, she dare seek out my fires and think that her speaking to the others gathered of her linage meant something, I had them send her away, she had no knowledge of the ways of the spex and I did not have time for yet another who felt compelled to make claims yet clearly did not know patience or respect. This linage means nothing to me it is not impressive, the elders of the clan watch, and we speak of who is possibly part of us and who we will teach, some do not even realize they are what they are. and I have often found it amazing ones who think they are when they have no one in their blood that is or the ones who make claims because they think because their mother or grandmother or father was one they to are one and entitled to be one, well daydreaming does not a spex make, fanciful delusions of the mind does not a spex make. This one already is not on my good side which means she will not find it easy nor do I trust her. No, I will not make it easy for her and it will be done on my time in my way not hers. She will learn the hard way a few things. I have a way to teach patience and it is not pretty and the first time she will fail as everyone has, there is no exception to this. There is a reason for that. But, wether or not a person gets it is another reason.
My children have all gone thru this . Each of them failed also. Each elder has gone thru it and failed I failed it twice. But, I got the rationale for that lesson. I also learned the lesson. As did Falon and Lochley when they were younger.
When I returned to the fires Garyx was there, I sat with him and the others for a short while we spoke of everything that has occurred, and of course he did jokingly remind me of not working so long, but even though he was teasing, I knew the seriousness behind it as well. I did get the message. Needless to say that night I was not working long into the night nor did I when he was not on patrol but when he was out hunting or helping in the tribe, well I did my part to. I can get away with it .. for now.
So what do you do to lighten the mood, why you torment someone of course, and who better than Ba 'atars brother. Now, you know he is one serious warrior. I swear I was looking for his face to crack if he smiled, and I just bet he is as stubborn as the day is long, it was good to see a young warrior present himself as he did. He was not like many of these young ones that think our old ways can be shed like an ost shedding his skin. Though he could lighten up just a bit, I suspect there is a reason, I observed various subtle nuances that reveal one who has been thru a great deal. I recognize that wall, it is one I utilized and still do at times effectively. Though he did allow a glimmer of himself to be seen even if he does not realize it. We actually got him to smile and even joke a bit. Somehow I got the impression that is something that is not easy for him, almost as if he expected not to have his humor accepted, we are tuchuks we love a good laugh and joke.
Cana did not escape the tormenting either, though father has a warped sense of humor, talking of water to a pregnant woman, now you know she is going to have to quickly find the trenches. Though she was laughing and that is all that mattered. To see her mood lighten.
As I sat there I thought to the leatherworker prospect, you know she just does not get it, if she is who she claims then why does she know nothing of tuchuks or how we are. She cannot even answer the simple question of why would we trust her, what would make anyone consider her being part of this tribe. Even my youngest son can answer that. Cana's unborn child could answer that. The reason she cannot is simple and I told her as much, simply put she is a dweller, she is no tuchuk, not a drop of tuchuk blood is in her. Her blue eyes will make a good addition to my jar. Those bells she wears she sounds more like a slave who is not trusted than some free woman. Do women in cities really think that being timid, demure and giving sickenly sweet smiles will get you what you desire, if so then no wonder those cities are so infected with laziness and softness. She is fake, no matter how you slice it. As a prospect she can deny no one of the tribe a request , no matter what it is. now mine is simple, but she made an assumption, a very wrong assumption, I think she thought rattling off a rhetoric of how the Ubar ordered this and that meant something to me, I knew his orders, and I had no intention of altering them, now had I asked that of anyone else they would have done it without question, why, because of trust, it is clear she has no trust of the tribe, so therefore we do not extend her the same courtesy. She has shown her colors, she will never be anything but a want to be tuchuk in my eyes. And she thinks she is entitled the only thing she is entitled to is roasting alive over the fires of the plains. And her blonde hair well that alone would look nice as a decoration on a wagon or woven in to a nice rope, its funny Chay is blonde with green eyes, but, she was raised by the Taluna, she is no soft dweller though she is slowly learning to lose that edge, as I say slowly cause she can turn on a coin with quicksilver moods. But , she has tuchuk blood in her, I have determined from the quiva she has that it belonged to her father, I have yet to speak of her of it, but you can see the blood in her, that much is apparent, I just have to figure out whose blood line she is of, that has not been easy. Had she been a man she would have been an excellent warrior, some think she is trying to be one, but what they forget is, that she was raised to be a huntress of the jungles, that alone makes her different, she can mimic any animal, track with the best of them. Then to add to that Brutus trained her to be an assassin, not many know of this, but he trained her well, she never failed, and I know that he was harder on her than anyone else he trained, he had succeeded in breaking any warmth and emotion in her. Father has managed to bring some of that back, but will she ever be free of what had become natural to her. I hope that some of the warriors like Jai and others realize she speaks a certain way it is not out of disrespect she is just far more blunt than we are, she is quick to lose her temper and once out she is like a raging hurricane blowing over the plains. She is more open in what she is and can do and does not apologize for it. I have to smile for she is the one many fear, but yet there is a reason she fears me. Its the quieter ones that you have to watch, I too learned from those of my past. Things I shouldn't know.. but do .. they do come in handy.
Which brings me to this prospect from the back wagons, one claiming to be spex, strange is it not if she is that she does not know our etiquette, and I know the back wagons do not teach differently than the first, she dare seek out my fires and think that her speaking to the others gathered of her linage meant something, I had them send her away, she had no knowledge of the ways of the spex and I did not have time for yet another who felt compelled to make claims yet clearly did not know patience or respect. This linage means nothing to me it is not impressive, the elders of the clan watch, and we speak of who is possibly part of us and who we will teach, some do not even realize they are what they are. and I have often found it amazing ones who think they are when they have no one in their blood that is or the ones who make claims because they think because their mother or grandmother or father was one they to are one and entitled to be one, well daydreaming does not a spex make, fanciful delusions of the mind does not a spex make. This one already is not on my good side which means she will not find it easy nor do I trust her. No, I will not make it easy for her and it will be done on my time in my way not hers. She will learn the hard way a few things. I have a way to teach patience and it is not pretty and the first time she will fail as everyone has, there is no exception to this. There is a reason for that. But, wether or not a person gets it is another reason.
My children have all gone thru this . Each of them failed also. Each elder has gone thru it and failed I failed it twice. But, I got the rationale for that lesson. I also learned the lesson. As did Falon and Lochley when they were younger.
When I returned to the fires Garyx was there, I sat with him and the others for a short while we spoke of everything that has occurred, and of course he did jokingly remind me of not working so long, but even though he was teasing, I knew the seriousness behind it as well. I did get the message. Needless to say that night I was not working long into the night nor did I when he was not on patrol but when he was out hunting or helping in the tribe, well I did my part to. I can get away with it .. for now.
