When we left Peril Isle, I had many mixed emotions. I watched as The Wind Walker cut thru the waves of the thassa like a knife thru verr butter. It was one of those gifts from Gaspar that I kept but I did not board it, the men my father had in his employ took care of it for me. Instead we sailed on Shadows Fire which was a much larger ship and a gift from Silk D 'Avarice, given to me after I helped his mate and we established a manner of a truce between us.
I often would stand on the deck listening to the winds letting them flow around me. Often thru time I have heard those that claim to shadow walk, dream walk and be part of the winds. I rarely say much for these things are not possible if you are not part of the Spex clan, however, there is a part of a tuchuk that is more in tune to nature. I think because we not only live upon the plains but we are a part of them. Many who pay attention to what is around them can feel and hear the words of nature in a manner of speaking. But no one but a Spex can shadow walk, it is a dangerous thing to undertake and only can be done with the gate keeper in place. To walk the winds is also a dangerous thing for they are not easily used to for they have a mind of thier own, dream walking is also a strenuous thing. I let people speak of things for what purpose does it serve to say you cant do that, for what they feel or hear is something different than what I call it, but it does not make it less important to that person. This is something I use in daily life for there are many things that to one is seen as less important than those involved but it does not make it so.
I felt during this time as if I was lost and broken, how could I recover from this. I once said the cost was worth it and the winds laughed, now I see why because it was not worth the cost. A storm came thru and destroyed everything, leaving only broken rubble in its place. I was not sure I could pick myself up from this.
I could not find Tarra. Shedding the mantle of enslavement was a slow, emotionally draining process. I felt as if my skin was stripped from me and I was left to stand in the salt laden air with only the exposed bloody flesh, nerves and tissues. They pulsated and throbbed, at times I wanted to rage and other times I wanted sleep and never awake. Gaspar hurt me in a way not even Brutus had, he destroyed me in a way that even Brutus had not. And yet in the end, he cast me aside as if I were nothing of importance just like Brutus. Men I had decided were nothing but two faced osts, you could not depend on them, you could not trust them. All they wanted was what they wanted. It was a mans world alright. In that moment on that ship I closed off all emotions. I simply walked and breathed, I would take care of those in need but I would no longer allow myself to feel. I was drowning in that dark abyss, and for the first time I did not want to fight to get out. I had no desire to be a part of life. I just wanted to be left alone.
We docked in a port in Schendi, I had arranged with Killian for my ships to be kept here and maintained. We then traveled with Dina and Lukus back into the jungles. You know what once used to feel like home to me now felt, strange, I could not connect, I did not want to be there. As much as I loved my brother and sister, this place was something I just could not relate to. Father and I stayed for a short while. We met the man my sister fell in love with , to my surprise it was someone I knew from long ago when he was mated to another and friends with Brutus, Kade. I was not fond of Kade, he overstepped his boundaries with me long ago,he thought he knew much of the jungles and healing, he didn't know shit then, and from what I saw he did not know shit now.
And he had the audacity to go against mamba tradition when it came to mating . He found out very quickly never attempt to try and put sister against sister it will not happen Dina and I will never allow anyone to ever come between us again. Least of all a man. She flat out told him it is the way we have said or not at all, I was disappointed to learn she was with child before the mating, I said nothing she knew my thoughts on this. The family has never accepted Kade and never will. And there is no way if Dina were to return to the plains he would be accepted on the plains for either my father or me would kill him our selves. I met his brother Kael. Can't say I was overly impressed but at least he was not like his brother, I have no real opinion of him, as he just did not make an impact good or bad.
While there Lukus and I got into it as it seemed he and the others thought I betrayed Dina by furring Brutus, I had to correct a few misunderstandings, one was the fact I never was with Brutus while he was with Dina. And even after the mating it took a while before he truly claimed me as his. I explained many things to them both and the lies and misconceptions they had been given cleared up. I am not sure what ass decided to try and start problems there but I resolved that one rather quickly.
We spoke of the ritual of atonement, we all know I had to go thru it, not only as a Haruspex but as one who was part of the mamba. I asked Lukus to do it, he fought against it he knew what would happen. I trusted no other to help me thru it. I needed them to take me to the temple and do it. After some arguments. He finally gave in.
Atonement is not a fun thing. As much as I was not looking forward to it a part of me did, maybe if I could feel something even if pain, that it would help the healing process to begin.
