Enforced Rest

Today was the first day in some time I have actually sat for an extended period of time, not because I had a choice in the matter, Bolormaa put her foot down and gave me that look that clearly meant she was not asking she was telling me I was going to rest. Now, what can you say to a woman who is older than the dirt itself upon the plains. There was absolutely no way I was telling her no, she is one of those women that you just give a respectful "Yes, Ma'am" and do as she says.

Not because I fear her because I do not though it funny to see many younger ones fear her and even some of the older members of the tribe give her a wide berth when she comes near. She makes many uneasy and well they quickly find other places they have to be. It is because she has earned that much respect that I would not insult or dishonor her. She was right. I needed to rest. She was also right that Garyx would not be happy about it either. She did assure me he was alright, I knew this but yet there is that part of me that is the woman and mate that interfered in with what I knew and caused the seeds of worry to germinate within my mind and heart. I found myself awake late into the night walking thru the quiet of the camp and along the vast expanse of the plains. I also found myself working nonstop like I used to do before. I know why I was, it was to keep my hands and mind busy. If I was busy I would worry less, and if I was to exhausted to think or move then I could sleep. She yelled at me for not eating, I have this tendency to forget when I am immersed in work and the care of the wagons, the creation of spells, talismans and so many other things that can keep my busy every ahn of the day for many envars.

So I find myself on enforced rest, well, what do I do with myself, the children are all busy with their own lives, the youngest one needs my care yet and even he amuses himself for a few ahns and plays with other children before he finds his furs. I have sat on the platform of my wagon doing some needlework and watching people, I noticed that I did not see Cana, I know she is busy with a new baby and the other boys and her mate along with her clan, I am glad to see her begin to return to herself, to be herself and do clan work, Hallie I know has been at the pens and wherever there are injured animals to practice on. Arkus he has been hunting with Chay, father I know has been busy in the camp taking care of major and minor things. Silk and Shi I have not seen for some time either, but I know they are rediscovering their lives and each other. Nette and Ramza I have not seen them, I hope all is well with them also. Each of us have been so busy that I think we all have lost sight of each other, how and when did this happen. Is it a cycle to go thru or is it just life. It is never easy to tell if it is one or the other or both. Noya I know is often busy with her clan as well, I have heard whispers that Trilok can now mate her, I am happy to hear this, she deserves to find love again. And he is a fine warrior to provide for her. I have not seen Ba 'atar but I hear the various songs of the clan so I know he is busy there also and with his newest addition.

I find myself gazing over the plains, I cant help but worry. My sister Dina I am concerned about her also and Lukus, I have not felt them for a while or heard anything, Something must be in the air that seems to be creating a bubble around everyone preventing the natural ebb and flow of energy. I find myself fighting the urge to go out and look for Garyx, regardless of the consequence, I am very tempted. Sometimes I am not always a good Tuchuk woman that sits behind waiting. Sometimes I just do what I feel I need to. I find that feeling beginning to pull at me.

The question is. How long will I sit here and how long before I decide to do something?

Gathering of thoughts

Sometimes the days travel slowly and sometimes they travel quickly, lately they seem to drag so much slower than usual. A stillness is heavy in the air at times, the silence is deafening, although there has been the gift of life bestowed upon the tuchuk. At times it seems as if there has been a massive slaughter resulting in a silence that allows only for the echoes of the herlits and bosk to flutter in the winds.

I have been busy with the clan and my children, Hallie and Arkus seemed to have at times sprouted over night into young adults. They now notice boys and girls, though fortunately most are to afraid to be to forward with her knowing full well that her mother is a Haruspex, they never know what will I do or not do. I find it kind of funny. Arkus enjoys chasing the slave girls and occasionally tries his hand at the young girls his age, well you know it is just as amusing to watch young boys and girls grow. The uncertainty, the risks and things they come out with. You never really know what to expect, I enjoy watching them. Hallie enjoys being a healer if the kailla, I watch her shadow Cana at times learning and watching. She is fascinated with helping animals, she has a way with them. Cana I think would be a good mentor when it comes to teaching her about helping animals, the healing ways I have been teaching her since she first showed an interest in doing such. Arkus I think may well decide to be a scarrer, he spends much time near the clan watching them but yet he also enjoys the thrill of the hunt he is often out with father or Chay refining his skills for tracking and hunting. The fact that Chay hasn't killed him means he must be a quick learner given she is not known for her patience or tolerance.

The youngest son is also growing fast,I keep his father in his thoughts and ensure his image is clear in his young mind. Garyx has been gone for a very long time, it is interesting how you hear the whispers of the whys. There is no reason other than he like many other warriors volunteered when my father asked to go on this extended patrol. I knew before he left that it would be one of the longest and hardest ones that we would face. I have faith in my mate, I know he will return. I do not worry for I would know if he was ill or injured. Nor do I play the martyr and bring attention to the fact that he is not yet back home in the embrace of his family. I send upon the wings of the winds my thoughts to them, I touch him in dreams in way only a spex can. Yes, I miss him very much, while he is gone a part of me is missing, but I have his gift to remind me of him and keep him close, which is why he made it the way he did. I touch it daily to keep him close to my heart and utilize the strength he wants me to have from it. He is with me even when he is not.

As I take a few moments to sit, I think upon the joy of helping Cana deliver her and Ba'atar's son. It was an honor to be given such a gift. I have not yet seen him, but I am sure he is beaming with pride just as Cana radiated pride and joy when she held him. I had a wonderful talk with her afterwards, the kind we used to have and that I missed. She spoke of various things, and I did also, I hope in some small way I was able to help. I did finally get to also see my first grandson, that was an unexpected gift as well, one that will embrace my heart for a very long time. I also took Tug with me after the birth, he is like another grandson as well. I recall much of his birth and plans that had been made. It is funny, how Tanner and Tayco joked of each of us having children to grow up together. Such did not come to pass.. the winds and spirits had other plans. Not that I am complaining, I am happy with the path my life has taken and of the bond that I have with Garyx. Things always have a way of happening as they should. But who knows between Cana and I such may one day yet happen.

I have not seen Silk or Shi, though I have heard that they are now together and that she is expecting their child. They seem to have come thru the storm to find their own path together. It is my hope that they find happiness this time around. But I have always known the two of them would be together even though each tried to tell me otherwise. It is rare I am wrong in the signs I am given to see of people.

My time of relaxation has passed and I must return to the clan to work, it is time to prepare for the move in the near future back to the other camp. I need to find father to speak to him of when it is time and what the omens will reveal. I haven't seen him knowing he has had his hands full taking care of various problems while Fonce is missing. I do not yet look deep into the shadows, there is an unsettling feeling that I can not push aside. I do not dwell on it yet, I know he still lives and breathes but the shadows seem to be holding them deep within their embrace. His future is uncertain and not clearly seen. I find myself seeing who honors him by being here and helping the tribe and I see the ones that do not, thereby showing their disrespect to him, though you can wager a lot of bosk that the moment he appears they will suddenly show up and speak of how they did this and did that, when in truth they have not been seen and have done nothing. This time, I will speak out and if it pisses off people oh well so be it I am to old to give an urts arse on sugar coating things. To long have I remained silent on it, those days are gone.

The bitch in the witch has returned, and she is about to fight for the true ways of the tuchuk. And if some do not like it then don't let the wagon flap hit you where the skies split you.

The deafening sound of silence

I have lost count of the number of days that have passed. Early in the mornings before the dark has been disintegrated by the light I ride MistRunner out over the plains, keeping an eye out for my mate and his men, they have been gone for far to long. I had not begun to worry until recently when there has been no word from him and no sign of his return. Did they meet with some sort of accident on the way, did they encounter raiders on the way.

After a few hours I return and immerse myself in my chores. I have gone to the main fires but never see anyone about . And the few I thought might be there are not, others just rebuff you when you are there to immersed in their own lives and problems. It is times like this that I see who is really here for the tribe and who is really here for only their own selfish reasons.


I see no one doing anything for the greater good of the tribe, I only see each one caught up in what is best for them. No big surprise but I bet if Fonce returned tomorrow, that all the groupie tuchuks would crawl out of the woodwork, the ones that he sees as doing no wrong, but yet where are they now? Are they here keeping the morale of the tribe together? Are they here helping the people and seeing to the needs of others. No they are not. But I bet they tell him otherwise.


Those of use who are here are the ones that get pushed aside and stepped on, we are the ones who work and shed our blood,sweat and tears. But yet, a select few just smile and act a certain way and they are the best thing since the creation of bosk. I do know this, if they are praised and shown favor again when they have not been here and not done anything to contribute to the people. I will not stand silent. My mouth will speak of it. I will risk being banished for I will fight for what is right. Especially since , Garyx, myself, father and others have spent much time and energy trying to find the Ubar and being here for the people.

I am not happy with people right now. I do not see the honor and courage of the tuchuk. I see only selfishness, weakness and pettiness weaving about the plains. I do not see what used to be a tuchuk tribe.
I see only delusional children wanting to be who and what they are not. Where are they now. And a few that are around are rarely at the main fires, always in their own little wagons. We are not a tribe.

We are nothing more than a ghost of what was once known as the Tuchuk.