As we move along the trail I realized just how glad I was for the brief rest that we had, I had spent much time taking care of things that needed my attention, often working from early in the morning until late into the night sometimes I did not realize it until Arkus would stand near by with his arms folded with an expression on his face that I could not quite define, Shi used to do that get this unreadable expression, I see his son has inherited, you dont think I am going to say it is from me when it is used on me, not likely, it is all his father. Now as he asked if I ate, if I rested and if I slept you would think I was some stranger being interrogated and prepared for slaughter.
I had to remind him I was the parent and that young man had the audacity to just stand there as if he owned the world and say. "Not when you are not listening." Now, a part of me wanted to just rip him a new backside and yet at the same time I was rather impressed and proud, he was growing more into himself as a young man. For a moment I said nothing and I saw him fighting not to smirk, he was very much aware that if he had it would have been the end of him for you can only go so far when it is your mother. "I will go and rest within the ahn." I told him well now he was not foolish, and he revealed it by his next question. "You promise?" well now he had me there. He knew if I promised I would do as I said. And as I thought about it I was tired, so I promised. "I promise I will". He was satisfied and left me alone to go do whatever it is that he does. Sometimes it is almost a shock to see our children grow up, Falon and Lochlan used to surprise me often by the young adults they had become. And I never really thought any of them would give me grandchildren but yet I have one. Go figure that.
I think upon the things that have occurred,one is of Ba'atar 's was leaving, I have mixed feelings on it, but I was not the one asked, but it seems to me that much has been taken away from me simply because I am a woman and I find my self resenting the ones responsible, I guess I expected better and I am disappointed in things I have seen and heard, one does not need to be blind or have their head pulverized ,when it comes to me much has been made clear, in a most profound way, I had not realized some felt the things they seem to, I would rather honesty than fake smiles and fake freindships and interest, and while I am quiet of it,that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that I don't feel disappointment, but I will survive it I always do, however it does make it easier to make decisions, fortunately I do not have to answer to anyone, my life is my own. It will remain my own.
I knew that something had been pulling at him and had been for some time, I knew that whatever was taking him from the tribe was important because I knew that he would not just leave during the trail. So to me I knew it had to be something of importance. The quietness of it also made me realize that there was silence for a reason, which meant that it had to be something a spex would have revealed and instructed. Each of us have our own way of doing things and each of us has a different way we follow, though there are many things in which we are the same, the spex clan is simple yet complex, it is also very secretive of old knowledge and other things not within the clan but to those outside it, we do nothing outside of the clan or at the main fires, I know that Ba'atar had already issued that order that it was not to be done, most of us followed that. I would expect to see Ayguili continue that, I did not seek to find out nor would I speculate, though I hear of many whispers and thoughts of those who think they know. All I need to know is that he has put Ayguili in charge as Ubar and has made sure Cana is taken care of.
I have not yet decided what I think of Ayguili as an Ubar or as a choice, I have thoughts but they will remain unspoken in my mind. Unless asked for, when I had asked by Ba'atar I suggested that Ayguili be second in command not because of anything I thought or didn't think, but because it is what was placed in my head, it was the feeling that I had gotten, my instincts of people are usually pretty accurate, there are some things he has done I think are good and he has shown good leadership qualities, there are other things I don't agree with but I suspect I know where the guidance comes from on that and why. I should have seen that but even I am blind at first.
I have respect for him and I think he will grow more into himself, I know that his thoughts on his mother and Ba'atars are very different. But I wonder if that is the only thing that is different, I have not yet had a chance to really ever ask of some things because after my injury, Garyx died, and well suffice it to say I was in no shape to talk to any one of anything as emotions tended to soar upward only to suddenly plummet downward and remain crawling low on the ground, they also tended to not only be sensitive but over sensitive.
He is not Ba'atar he is himself, a man unto himself, and more importantly he is tuchuk. Will he be perfect, not in this life time, will he falter at times most definitely, but it is my thought he will learn much of himself, I think he will find he is so much more than he realizes, some have spoken of him being in Ba'atars shadow, I don't agree with that, I think he has been in his own shadow with his own demons. Time will reveal what will happen.
I had to remind him I was the parent and that young man had the audacity to just stand there as if he owned the world and say. "Not when you are not listening." Now, a part of me wanted to just rip him a new backside and yet at the same time I was rather impressed and proud, he was growing more into himself as a young man. For a moment I said nothing and I saw him fighting not to smirk, he was very much aware that if he had it would have been the end of him for you can only go so far when it is your mother. "I will go and rest within the ahn." I told him well now he was not foolish, and he revealed it by his next question. "You promise?" well now he had me there. He knew if I promised I would do as I said. And as I thought about it I was tired, so I promised. "I promise I will". He was satisfied and left me alone to go do whatever it is that he does. Sometimes it is almost a shock to see our children grow up, Falon and Lochlan used to surprise me often by the young adults they had become. And I never really thought any of them would give me grandchildren but yet I have one. Go figure that.
I think upon the things that have occurred,one is of Ba'atar 's was leaving, I have mixed feelings on it, but I was not the one asked, but it seems to me that much has been taken away from me simply because I am a woman and I find my self resenting the ones responsible, I guess I expected better and I am disappointed in things I have seen and heard, one does not need to be blind or have their head pulverized ,when it comes to me much has been made clear, in a most profound way, I had not realized some felt the things they seem to, I would rather honesty than fake smiles and fake freindships and interest, and while I am quiet of it,that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that I don't feel disappointment, but I will survive it I always do, however it does make it easier to make decisions, fortunately I do not have to answer to anyone, my life is my own. It will remain my own.
I knew that something had been pulling at him and had been for some time, I knew that whatever was taking him from the tribe was important because I knew that he would not just leave during the trail. So to me I knew it had to be something of importance. The quietness of it also made me realize that there was silence for a reason, which meant that it had to be something a spex would have revealed and instructed. Each of us have our own way of doing things and each of us has a different way we follow, though there are many things in which we are the same, the spex clan is simple yet complex, it is also very secretive of old knowledge and other things not within the clan but to those outside it, we do nothing outside of the clan or at the main fires, I know that Ba'atar had already issued that order that it was not to be done, most of us followed that. I would expect to see Ayguili continue that, I did not seek to find out nor would I speculate, though I hear of many whispers and thoughts of those who think they know. All I need to know is that he has put Ayguili in charge as Ubar and has made sure Cana is taken care of.
I have not yet decided what I think of Ayguili as an Ubar or as a choice, I have thoughts but they will remain unspoken in my mind. Unless asked for, when I had asked by Ba'atar I suggested that Ayguili be second in command not because of anything I thought or didn't think, but because it is what was placed in my head, it was the feeling that I had gotten, my instincts of people are usually pretty accurate, there are some things he has done I think are good and he has shown good leadership qualities, there are other things I don't agree with but I suspect I know where the guidance comes from on that and why. I should have seen that but even I am blind at first.
I have respect for him and I think he will grow more into himself, I know that his thoughts on his mother and Ba'atars are very different. But I wonder if that is the only thing that is different, I have not yet had a chance to really ever ask of some things because after my injury, Garyx died, and well suffice it to say I was in no shape to talk to any one of anything as emotions tended to soar upward only to suddenly plummet downward and remain crawling low on the ground, they also tended to not only be sensitive but over sensitive.
He is not Ba'atar he is himself, a man unto himself, and more importantly he is tuchuk. Will he be perfect, not in this life time, will he falter at times most definitely, but it is my thought he will learn much of himself, I think he will find he is so much more than he realizes, some have spoken of him being in Ba'atars shadow, I don't agree with that, I think he has been in his own shadow with his own demons. Time will reveal what will happen.
