I had missed the celebration as there had been much work for me to take care of with the clan, the other elders needed my help and I never refused them, I had head various recounts of events and found the humor in it. In fact I was regretful that I had missed it, it would have been interesting. But I had duties I could not ignore, even if I wanted to. But even as I worked I could hear the celebration in the air and it did make me smile.
I was at the fires when Silk and Fonce joined me, I had been watching the grasses dance over the plains, the strength of them lost in their elegant sway, the morning light glistened and glowed over the ongoing blanket of grass, every now and then I could catch a glimpse of the dew that clung to the blades, as if clinging there for life, but it would be short lived as the warmth of the sun would take them away, but that moment in time they shimmered in an array of color. I watched her as she sat she was tired but I noticed that she livened up when Fonce arrived, not that I am surprised there is something between them that I do not quite understand, nor would I even know how to create such a relationship with him. I had to step away for a while as they spoke, there is a sexual air between them and I wandered off from the fires for a few moments to give them the enjoyment of each other. After a few moments I would return and relax for a while but the discussion between them did not leave for input of anyone else, it was as if it was just the two of them, I felt like an outsider.
I listened as he offered to hunt for her and such, as I listened I realized that know no one has asked if I needed anything or how I am doing,with the exception of my son Arkus, and he means well but he needs to focus on what the tribe needs and I guide him on that path, besides he is not responsible for me, I am the parent I am responsible for him and my children. I suppose it is assumed I am taken care of and am fine. Is it because I don't break down and pour out my pain and sorrow, is it because I go about doing every day things as if nothing could ever go wrong, or is it because I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve and walk about with a needful, pitiful air about me. Maybe if I was more of a needy clinging woman then such would be offered, but I am not flamboyant, I am not young and needful and clingy. I am simply just a woman trying to survive, I also suppose it is assumed I need nothing because I have always been able to function alone and survive. I will go out hunting later, I learned very young how to hunt and what I did not know Chay and Garyx had taught me as well. I shrugged off the feeling taking it as a moment of just feeling a bit down and indulging in a moment of self pity, not something I am prone to, but once in a while it does touch me. I am still human,and I still feel things. I have wants and desires just like anyone else, no one ever asks. So no one really knows.
I made the mistake of returning to the fires, I should have stayed where I was, there was still this feeling of being on the outside looking in , I have never felt this way, and I didn't like it, There was much bantering between Silk, Fonce and Ogedaii and as always it turns sexual, it seems to happen that way, not that I mind, I even myself enjoy in the bantering of such things, and once in a while I can surprise people with what I know, just as I did Fonce last night, about men naming their body parts and what they do with them. I had to laugh at his reaction and his words that I shouldn't know about those things, I know that and more. The two men decided they wanted to eat, so the steak became an object of contention, there was a bit of a tiff over steak, which left Silk pouting and Ogedaii sulking. Damn full grown men and women whining and sulking. I still think we should lock the two up and see what comes of it. I cooked the steak that Fonce wanted, though I could see his caution that I might fry it or over due it, I had to laugh a bit as I was a damn fine cook and all my mates had enjoyed fulfilling and satisfying meals. Fortunately , he enjoyed it and commented on the perfection, I think that is the first compliment I have ever had from him, go figure it would be from how I handled and prepared meat.
It was not long before we were joined by Kaeli, and she had let it out about elders running around naked, well now I am not about to do that at the main fires, within my own wagons is a different story, I have even enjoyed a moment by the fires within my circle of wagons with my mate as naked as the day I was born or even in the stream to bathe. But running around oh hell no, that was not going to happen, not that I thought it was a true rule but more than likely something that came about from to much drinking. It was amusing actually. In truth I don't think I would be naked in front of a man for a long time if ever again, as much as we want to find someone to be with, I tend to be cautious, there is much about me that with the wrong man could bring about many thoughts that would not be nice, especially for me, my secrets are not small ones. Then there is the marred flesh upon me, I am not a flawless beauty I have many scars within and without. I would scare the life out of people. Nah, no running around naked for me, though Silk was quick to begin undoing her vest. Now if she did that, the men would be in a very long line to watch. There are times I wish I was tall and statuesque, had that sexual air about me that seemed to draw men like a moth to a flame. She has a raw sexual nature that seems to call out to them, but I have never had it, her leg is longer than I am tall, I wear leathers to but no man gazes at my ass like that, maybe it just isn't big enough. Well, one man did, Garyx always would walk behind me so he could watch me walk, I always found it amusing, he did find some things of me strangely fascinating. Oh well, I cant change how I look, the sky made each of us as we are for a reason, I think we all are envious of others for a moment or two, whether it is height, shape, the size of our breasts or ass. Or with men how muscular they are or how big their penis is. I think we all get a touch of that from time to time. But at least I am not built like mabel.
Not long after that Mezoo and Asria joined us, interesting how things begin to change, suddenly I began to think I was talking to myself, others spoke after me but their thoughts and words had reactions and comments, but yet no matter what I said, it was as if I were invisible, so that is how it is. I can be spoken to when young prospects are not there, prospects can speak to me when no one else is about. Interesting. I left after a while, one grows bored talking to themselves, I suppose respect is a thing of the past. I see the cliche that has formed within the tribe, I have not nor will I ever be a part of one, but once more I see the positioning of people. History has a way of repeating itself just merely in the form of new names and faces, but the spirit remains the same. It is familiar.
They made their message pretty clear. Not a problem, this time I will not say anything or even do anything. I simply will just find things for myself to do, things that force me to stay away from most people. At least the other elders will talk to me not at or above me or act as if I am invisible.
It comes to my mind that two I have asked to talk to me , spend some time to share information and learn things, but I am sure I will be told there was no time or they were to busy, that is fine, I know I am not as bright and shiny as the young women strutting about, I don't walk around with an air of wonderment and innocence that allows them to mold me into what they want, I have nothing to offer, they say everyone should feel useful, that is a crock of boskshit, only select people are useful. So I wonder do I get put out to the pastures like and old bosk. What they mean is that they mean to busy for me, they have time to play with prospects and flirt and talk to them and do things for others.
Is this what getting older feels like, that you are an outcast among your own, that you are alone even when among many. Damn you Garyx why did you make me promise, why did you not let me follow you.
I gathered my bow and arrows and then went to get Eclipse and mounting him I rode of to go hunting, the tears that fell were warm and then cold along my skin. The fresh air would do me good and I had all that I would need. Blades were in my boots and one along my back. I learned much from pirates and assassins.
Sometimes the past does have its rewards.
As I rode I noticed a painful feeling flowing thru my hands I had it earlier when I was gazing out over the plains. It traveled over the pattern of the markings, I was not sure what it meant but it was not feeling all that wonderful.
I was at the fires when Silk and Fonce joined me, I had been watching the grasses dance over the plains, the strength of them lost in their elegant sway, the morning light glistened and glowed over the ongoing blanket of grass, every now and then I could catch a glimpse of the dew that clung to the blades, as if clinging there for life, but it would be short lived as the warmth of the sun would take them away, but that moment in time they shimmered in an array of color. I watched her as she sat she was tired but I noticed that she livened up when Fonce arrived, not that I am surprised there is something between them that I do not quite understand, nor would I even know how to create such a relationship with him. I had to step away for a while as they spoke, there is a sexual air between them and I wandered off from the fires for a few moments to give them the enjoyment of each other. After a few moments I would return and relax for a while but the discussion between them did not leave for input of anyone else, it was as if it was just the two of them, I felt like an outsider.
I listened as he offered to hunt for her and such, as I listened I realized that know no one has asked if I needed anything or how I am doing,with the exception of my son Arkus, and he means well but he needs to focus on what the tribe needs and I guide him on that path, besides he is not responsible for me, I am the parent I am responsible for him and my children. I suppose it is assumed I am taken care of and am fine. Is it because I don't break down and pour out my pain and sorrow, is it because I go about doing every day things as if nothing could ever go wrong, or is it because I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve and walk about with a needful, pitiful air about me. Maybe if I was more of a needy clinging woman then such would be offered, but I am not flamboyant, I am not young and needful and clingy. I am simply just a woman trying to survive, I also suppose it is assumed I need nothing because I have always been able to function alone and survive. I will go out hunting later, I learned very young how to hunt and what I did not know Chay and Garyx had taught me as well. I shrugged off the feeling taking it as a moment of just feeling a bit down and indulging in a moment of self pity, not something I am prone to, but once in a while it does touch me. I am still human,and I still feel things. I have wants and desires just like anyone else, no one ever asks. So no one really knows.
I made the mistake of returning to the fires, I should have stayed where I was, there was still this feeling of being on the outside looking in , I have never felt this way, and I didn't like it, There was much bantering between Silk, Fonce and Ogedaii and as always it turns sexual, it seems to happen that way, not that I mind, I even myself enjoy in the bantering of such things, and once in a while I can surprise people with what I know, just as I did Fonce last night, about men naming their body parts and what they do with them. I had to laugh at his reaction and his words that I shouldn't know about those things, I know that and more. The two men decided they wanted to eat, so the steak became an object of contention, there was a bit of a tiff over steak, which left Silk pouting and Ogedaii sulking. Damn full grown men and women whining and sulking. I still think we should lock the two up and see what comes of it. I cooked the steak that Fonce wanted, though I could see his caution that I might fry it or over due it, I had to laugh a bit as I was a damn fine cook and all my mates had enjoyed fulfilling and satisfying meals. Fortunately , he enjoyed it and commented on the perfection, I think that is the first compliment I have ever had from him, go figure it would be from how I handled and prepared meat.
It was not long before we were joined by Kaeli, and she had let it out about elders running around naked, well now I am not about to do that at the main fires, within my own wagons is a different story, I have even enjoyed a moment by the fires within my circle of wagons with my mate as naked as the day I was born or even in the stream to bathe. But running around oh hell no, that was not going to happen, not that I thought it was a true rule but more than likely something that came about from to much drinking. It was amusing actually. In truth I don't think I would be naked in front of a man for a long time if ever again, as much as we want to find someone to be with, I tend to be cautious, there is much about me that with the wrong man could bring about many thoughts that would not be nice, especially for me, my secrets are not small ones. Then there is the marred flesh upon me, I am not a flawless beauty I have many scars within and without. I would scare the life out of people. Nah, no running around naked for me, though Silk was quick to begin undoing her vest. Now if she did that, the men would be in a very long line to watch. There are times I wish I was tall and statuesque, had that sexual air about me that seemed to draw men like a moth to a flame. She has a raw sexual nature that seems to call out to them, but I have never had it, her leg is longer than I am tall, I wear leathers to but no man gazes at my ass like that, maybe it just isn't big enough. Well, one man did, Garyx always would walk behind me so he could watch me walk, I always found it amusing, he did find some things of me strangely fascinating. Oh well, I cant change how I look, the sky made each of us as we are for a reason, I think we all are envious of others for a moment or two, whether it is height, shape, the size of our breasts or ass. Or with men how muscular they are or how big their penis is. I think we all get a touch of that from time to time. But at least I am not built like mabel.
Not long after that Mezoo and Asria joined us, interesting how things begin to change, suddenly I began to think I was talking to myself, others spoke after me but their thoughts and words had reactions and comments, but yet no matter what I said, it was as if I were invisible, so that is how it is. I can be spoken to when young prospects are not there, prospects can speak to me when no one else is about. Interesting. I left after a while, one grows bored talking to themselves, I suppose respect is a thing of the past. I see the cliche that has formed within the tribe, I have not nor will I ever be a part of one, but once more I see the positioning of people. History has a way of repeating itself just merely in the form of new names and faces, but the spirit remains the same. It is familiar.
They made their message pretty clear. Not a problem, this time I will not say anything or even do anything. I simply will just find things for myself to do, things that force me to stay away from most people. At least the other elders will talk to me not at or above me or act as if I am invisible.
It comes to my mind that two I have asked to talk to me , spend some time to share information and learn things, but I am sure I will be told there was no time or they were to busy, that is fine, I know I am not as bright and shiny as the young women strutting about, I don't walk around with an air of wonderment and innocence that allows them to mold me into what they want, I have nothing to offer, they say everyone should feel useful, that is a crock of boskshit, only select people are useful. So I wonder do I get put out to the pastures like and old bosk. What they mean is that they mean to busy for me, they have time to play with prospects and flirt and talk to them and do things for others.
Is this what getting older feels like, that you are an outcast among your own, that you are alone even when among many. Damn you Garyx why did you make me promise, why did you not let me follow you.
I gathered my bow and arrows and then went to get Eclipse and mounting him I rode of to go hunting, the tears that fell were warm and then cold along my skin. The fresh air would do me good and I had all that I would need. Blades were in my boots and one along my back. I learned much from pirates and assassins.
Sometimes the past does have its rewards.
As I rode I noticed a painful feeling flowing thru my hands I had it earlier when I was gazing out over the plains. It traveled over the pattern of the markings, I was not sure what it meant but it was not feeling all that wonderful.
