Destinations Reached

It has felt as if this has been an epic move, and I think in some ways it has been, but there is no more welcoming site that seeing the familiar ground where our wagons usually sit, the flowers and grass that grow and release a heavy fragrance in the air, the feel of the air as it winds around us. But even though we are home once more I cant shake the restless feeling that consumes me. Maybe it is just the lingering energy of the move and it has not yet released itself from me.

I watched for a moment as everyone's wagons were positioned, I often wondered why so my try to position themselves by the Ubar and the main fires, There isn't that much room to be that close, I suppose it is a matter of position, I don't really know, I keep mine as far away as I can often quite a distance away and in a place where I have room to create my own circle and create a space that is quiet and peaceful and also so that not everyone can hear what may be done or said within my space. There is a curtain of peace and comfort that settles around where I place mine,

It takes some time to get my wagons situated and things moved around within them the way I want and this time will take longer given how much damage was done both inside and out,I sat out on the platform of one of them watching the sky, my thoughts traversed from present to past and to the future, I looked to Chulun as he neared and he settled next to me, I inquired on Boloromaa and she told me she was almost at full strength. He had decided to claim that old spex and I had to smile. It was about time and I told him as much, he had to laugh seems he had similar words for other spex as well. It was always interesting when two spex mated, sometimes I wondered if that was not better for us because who better could understand us. But yet at the same time there are some draw backs to that as well, I have never really considered if it was really better one way or the other, I know some think you should only mate another spex, I have never been mated to another that was like me, so I do not know first hand the benefits or disadvantages of it. I do know the benefits and disadvantages of when is not. Or if it really matters I never seemed to have problems with being mated to anyone that was not a spex. In fact two were the keepers of a part of me that is not often spoken of or seen because it is an ability I do not use often. Though I know that soon I will need to find someone that I can trust with that particular duty.

I have heard that Fonce is second in command, it is not the first time he has been in that position, as a commander I am sure he will do well, the change does however make me wonder where my father has been as I have not seen him or a few others for some time, perhaps I am just missing them as I know all of us have been busy during the move. It would seem he has also been made head of the clan, I have a few thoughts on that but I will keep it to myself, as I have mixed thoughts on it. Again it is not the first time he has had this position he had it prior to his disappearance as well, so it would be natural I suppose for him to be made it once more. I cannot say if I agree or disagree on the decision, but then again, my thoughts weren't asked, once more I see another change, one that I am not yet sure of what I think or really feel.

I am however, rather amused with myself, there was a time where I would have responded on pure emotion and react to it, questioned it among other things, but I find myself oddly enough, not really feeling anything either way, other than a slight feeling of hurt and disappointment I wont deny that I feel some things, but I do not feel anger or other emotions , I have been observing many things and people, I have seen things that some think are hidden and they are for the most part.

All happens as it will. I can also see that I am no longer needed, the young replace the older, men seem to think only men are good at things and know things, I am merely a woman, at least that is what I was told, and I see those words coming back to reveal that others subscribe to that. But I think it is only followed with certain people .

This is not necessarily a bad thing, it will give me time to work on the things that need to be taken care of. Perhaps that is what the dream meant. Though I know it does not, I can not fit it to mean what I would like it to. Truth is I have not really figured it out. Perhaps it means nothing.