I do not like the energy that disappointment and upset can leave behind, it always leaves a thunderous headache that wraps around my head like a hith. I am fully aware of the emotions and thoughts that float in the air, one does not need to be a Haruspex to figure that out, it is only a matter of actions revealing the thoughts. And the anticipation of the predictability of people and how things will be taken.
I do not hold onto the emotions, I feel them and then I release them for the most part, there is one or two that I hold that I have not shared with anyone yet, eventually I will release them. For the most part I live the suffocating grip for those who react the strongest to it. When you embrace it and hold it you have to ask yourself why. I know because I have often walked it myself. I know the path this anger will take for it is one that is often repeated just as the thoughts and words of me will be repeated, but I am not alone in this, it has happened to others as well, and well again.
Yamka arrived to the fires she had completed the task I had given her. She had finished the vests and I am very pleased with the skill that she has put into the work. One was a gift for Cana. it was a vest that I asked Yamka to make the night Ba'atar and others were talking of the vests that Dash wore. So that night I put in my request to the young leather worker, she has done a beautiful job and the expression on Cana's face was worth it, it made her feel beautiful and brought a smile to her lips, she quickly tried it on. It is the reaction to a gift that makes it priceless. There were kaiila lining the edges of it and they were outlined in beads there were not to many there were just enough, and in a certain direction they would catch the light. It was perfect. The one she made me was just as beautiful. There were bolts of lightening made of silver thread and tiny spiders made with black beads. Now what I find interesting is that with movement the spiders look as if alive, how creative is that. Now this I found very intriguing. A touch of something different.
There seems to be something in the air lately I am not sure of what it was,or could it be the effects of the full moons. I have noticed that there have been many discussions between people, I have seen the tides of emotions rise between some that are usually very quiet and serene. I have seen couples at each other that normally are not, and I have also seen there is much misunderstandings, such as what is meant to be revealed is not understood. Tonight is not the first it has been flowing around everyone since the trail. Tonight I have noticed it happen more than once.
Seveya has on her mind the answer for Ayguili on what she brings to the tribe, we did not seek her out to provide guidance on this, she sought the guidance, now we are not supposed to give the answer, but one or two did. That is not what we are to do for it does not teach her what it is she is to learn. We can guide but we cant give the answer, what does she learn or how does she grow if she is given the answer. There were many things given to her but she was not quite yet grasping it. I could see it within her reach but she just missed getting it. We do not bring to the tribe what clan we are, that has no impact on the tribe, so to say you bring your abilities of your clan is not the answer.
Kaeli told her the answer is her life, and while that is right to a point she has to understand what that means. And that is the problem she does not understand. Now Seveya expressed the desire to learn, but yet I wonder if she was truly ready. Her reactions reveal to me that she is not yet ready. I could see her getting defensive as suggestions and thoughts were offered to her, these things were given to her by those who care and want to see her succeed. But I am not so sure she saw it as such, perhaps when she has time to think upon all that was offered to her it may come to her the answer and what gift Kaeli,Cana and myself have given her.
The tribe as a whole is one, we breathe as one our hearts beat as one, we have a bond that ties us all. She has yet to understand what tribe above all means. I think all the prospects have much yet to learn, for see we have become soft and mellow because they are of the back wagons, I have noticed that they know less than the strangers that arrive seeking their place, I do not agree with the way things are but I follow it. Personally I think we should be harder on them because these are things they should know but yet do not.
We tried to explain, but it was lost to everyone because too many voices speak, those of experience and those of little or none. There was no right or wrong answer, but she was still stuck on the colors. She is an artist that is something that is a part of her it is one of the roles she has in her life just as being a daughter is a role in life . She sees in shades of color and beauty which is not a bad thing. There is a creativity in her that as much as it frees her also locks her within herself, she must step outside of her role as an artist. And step into the role of a tribal member and woman. We all offer something in the way of our clans but that is not what is sought when asked what do you bring this tribe. When I first came and had to prove myself. The Ubar had given me a task and the clan gave me a task, which were not easy tasks and they took me a long time to complete. I too had to reveal what did I bring to this tribe and let me tell you Noya and Shi were not easy to prove things to, there were times I was ready to walk away and one night I nearly did. I brought my life to this tribe yes but I also brought, honor and courage and loyalty for there is no one who I would put myself before. I would die for anyone of this tribe. I would lay my life down for the people. For I am a part of each one that is around me. I have in the past shed blood and offered up my own life for this tribe twice, and have even in the present,it is the ability to give to the tribe without expecting anything in return, to give because you are loyal to the people. To think of tribe not yourself and your wants and needs. This is where they mess up , they get in their sights a warrior and that is their focus and all of them have one in sight. One is Fonce and one is Ayguili, see this only reveals that you are here for yourself and your own needs, not the needs of the tribe. Do they think the men and other tribal members do not see this?
Now we all fight at times, we argue. we disagree and we get pissed at each other. But that is part of being part of a family, tribe is family. If we all agreed and all got along one hundred percent of the time some one is lying about something, and it would be rather boring to all be the same. It is a bond that no one can break or sever. Outsiders will never understand it even if they become part of the tribe, for without being born Tuchuk you can never understand that pull that you feel not only for each other but for the plains.
For now we can only watch to see what each will chose and what each will learn. And hope that they do learn and grow.
I do not hold onto the emotions, I feel them and then I release them for the most part, there is one or two that I hold that I have not shared with anyone yet, eventually I will release them. For the most part I live the suffocating grip for those who react the strongest to it. When you embrace it and hold it you have to ask yourself why. I know because I have often walked it myself. I know the path this anger will take for it is one that is often repeated just as the thoughts and words of me will be repeated, but I am not alone in this, it has happened to others as well, and well again.
Yamka arrived to the fires she had completed the task I had given her. She had finished the vests and I am very pleased with the skill that she has put into the work. One was a gift for Cana. it was a vest that I asked Yamka to make the night Ba'atar and others were talking of the vests that Dash wore. So that night I put in my request to the young leather worker, she has done a beautiful job and the expression on Cana's face was worth it, it made her feel beautiful and brought a smile to her lips, she quickly tried it on. It is the reaction to a gift that makes it priceless. There were kaiila lining the edges of it and they were outlined in beads there were not to many there were just enough, and in a certain direction they would catch the light. It was perfect. The one she made me was just as beautiful. There were bolts of lightening made of silver thread and tiny spiders made with black beads. Now what I find interesting is that with movement the spiders look as if alive, how creative is that. Now this I found very intriguing. A touch of something different.
There seems to be something in the air lately I am not sure of what it was,or could it be the effects of the full moons. I have noticed that there have been many discussions between people, I have seen the tides of emotions rise between some that are usually very quiet and serene. I have seen couples at each other that normally are not, and I have also seen there is much misunderstandings, such as what is meant to be revealed is not understood. Tonight is not the first it has been flowing around everyone since the trail. Tonight I have noticed it happen more than once.
Seveya has on her mind the answer for Ayguili on what she brings to the tribe, we did not seek her out to provide guidance on this, she sought the guidance, now we are not supposed to give the answer, but one or two did. That is not what we are to do for it does not teach her what it is she is to learn. We can guide but we cant give the answer, what does she learn or how does she grow if she is given the answer. There were many things given to her but she was not quite yet grasping it. I could see it within her reach but she just missed getting it. We do not bring to the tribe what clan we are, that has no impact on the tribe, so to say you bring your abilities of your clan is not the answer.
Kaeli told her the answer is her life, and while that is right to a point she has to understand what that means. And that is the problem she does not understand. Now Seveya expressed the desire to learn, but yet I wonder if she was truly ready. Her reactions reveal to me that she is not yet ready. I could see her getting defensive as suggestions and thoughts were offered to her, these things were given to her by those who care and want to see her succeed. But I am not so sure she saw it as such, perhaps when she has time to think upon all that was offered to her it may come to her the answer and what gift Kaeli,Cana and myself have given her.
The tribe as a whole is one, we breathe as one our hearts beat as one, we have a bond that ties us all. She has yet to understand what tribe above all means. I think all the prospects have much yet to learn, for see we have become soft and mellow because they are of the back wagons, I have noticed that they know less than the strangers that arrive seeking their place, I do not agree with the way things are but I follow it. Personally I think we should be harder on them because these are things they should know but yet do not.
We tried to explain, but it was lost to everyone because too many voices speak, those of experience and those of little or none. There was no right or wrong answer, but she was still stuck on the colors. She is an artist that is something that is a part of her it is one of the roles she has in her life just as being a daughter is a role in life . She sees in shades of color and beauty which is not a bad thing. There is a creativity in her that as much as it frees her also locks her within herself, she must step outside of her role as an artist. And step into the role of a tribal member and woman. We all offer something in the way of our clans but that is not what is sought when asked what do you bring this tribe. When I first came and had to prove myself. The Ubar had given me a task and the clan gave me a task, which were not easy tasks and they took me a long time to complete. I too had to reveal what did I bring to this tribe and let me tell you Noya and Shi were not easy to prove things to, there were times I was ready to walk away and one night I nearly did. I brought my life to this tribe yes but I also brought, honor and courage and loyalty for there is no one who I would put myself before. I would die for anyone of this tribe. I would lay my life down for the people. For I am a part of each one that is around me. I have in the past shed blood and offered up my own life for this tribe twice, and have even in the present,it is the ability to give to the tribe without expecting anything in return, to give because you are loyal to the people. To think of tribe not yourself and your wants and needs. This is where they mess up , they get in their sights a warrior and that is their focus and all of them have one in sight. One is Fonce and one is Ayguili, see this only reveals that you are here for yourself and your own needs, not the needs of the tribe. Do they think the men and other tribal members do not see this?
Now we all fight at times, we argue. we disagree and we get pissed at each other. But that is part of being part of a family, tribe is family. If we all agreed and all got along one hundred percent of the time some one is lying about something, and it would be rather boring to all be the same. It is a bond that no one can break or sever. Outsiders will never understand it even if they become part of the tribe, for without being born Tuchuk you can never understand that pull that you feel not only for each other but for the plains.
For now we can only watch to see what each will chose and what each will learn. And hope that they do learn and grow.
