It was late when I finished preparing an area along the stream, I had chosen a place that was not in the usual area where we often gathered for various things. I needed an area that would be undisturbed, so I walked until I found a spot that had just enough room for what was needed, I would walk around visualizing much in my mind as to what to do and how. Taking some stones I would mark off the path way and then I would create a large circle that would allow for women to be comfortable standing and sitting when the ceremony was done. I would crouch low and draw my finger across the point where two women would be holding the hide that Yamka worked on for me. She has done excellent work on it I am very pleased with the skill and thought, she used a hide that belonged to an elder, one that had a history of much life, I think it is an appropriate thing to use for a woman about to embark on a new stage of life.
I have sent lily out with a piece of hide to take to each woman that wished to put a part of themselves in it, they are not required to it is if they wish to gift a young woman with a part of themselves. It will be up to each to have it done in the specified time, I will not be one that chases and coddles, each are old enough to be responsible enough to ensure it is passed around and returned, because to me this is important, I think something like this must come from the heart and a willing spirit not out of obligation or force. Last night I saw lily as she was taking the hide to another woman, she would stop and she showed me what Dash had painted and I smiled because it was so Dash. I was happy to see that others did want to do this. I would gather the hides that Seveya herself had worked on for me each of these would be joined with the hide that the women are creating to form a skirt for her ceremony.
As I worked suddenly I heard what could only be described as an urt or tabuk crashing about, to my surprise it was not an animal but my daughter Hallie, she looked upset, perplexed and confused all at the same time, which means she heard something, saw something or someone did something and she took matters into her own hands, which, well this would give me a headache I just knew it. I had to wonder whose feelings did she hurt or what warriors shins were bruised. Hallie is my wild one, trying to tame her is like trying to tame the wind. So I moved over to the embankment and motioned for her to sit with me. "What is it Hallie?" I would ask. She took a few moments and then spoke, and while she was willful,stubborn and unpredictable, she had a part of her that was deep and calm like a tranquil stream of water, this is the part you sometimes glimpsed when she was thinking before she spoke, not that she does this often. She is direct and to the point, she must get that from her grandfather.
"Mother, Aliandra's mother was just collared" Now this took me by surprised, I wondered what her friends mother could have done to warrant being collared, so I waited, I just knew I was not going to like this discussion, it was to close to things I kept quiet of, things a daughter should never know of. "Do you know why?" Hallie would nod, "She was found in a warriors furs, a warrior that was not her mate." The blush on her face told me exactly what had happened. And she would toss a pebble in the stream, "Why would she do that?" She would ask, I could see she was trying to come to terms with the consequences of the woman's actions,and what it might mean to her friend Aliandra. I had to think on how to answer this. I had to be careful. This is not something that is new among men and women, some women take a chance when they go to a mans furs, the man could very easily collar you even if he says he wont. Or it could be a test to see what you will do. That is a tricky thing, but it is one I have seen played out more than once.
" I do not know why she would betray her mate in such a manner, although it is not unheard of." I would state, you cant shield children from the realities of life the good or the bad. "It is not an honorable action and it is one that would make me ask if she did not love him or if she did, perhaps have a slaves heart and feel she needed to be furred by more than one man. Many things could have pushed her to this. Maybe she felt she was in love with this other man " Though I wonder if he still lived in fact I was surprised the woman did, she would not be warmly welcomed by other free women of that there was no doubt.
"When it comes to men and women, there can be a strong desire that cannot be fought, you can get caught up in the want and needs that you lose sight of what might happen. When a mated woman or even for that matter an unmated woman decides to be in the furs of a man, wether it is for love or just for the sexual aspect she has to be prepared for the consequence, sometimes it is the man himself that will enslave her or as in this case others who found out." I watched as she thought to this. "Well, mother how can you lose yourself like that, to the point where you are not thinking." Now I did have to chuckle softly, she was so young and so naive of how things work between men and women, little did she know just how easy that is for any woman, a free woman just has to be more careful if they are unmated but a mated one, well now that was a kaiila of a different color. In my mind there is no excuse for such an action, I don't care what the reason is because you are committed to that relationship .
"Hallie, sexual desire , lust, need, or even the passion of love can sweep people up and carry them away into a world where they do not think , or cannot think rationally especially if there are powerful emotions involved, they only want to feel and satisfy that need to be with the other. One day when you meet the warrior that will capture your heart, he to will stir much within you that can feel like a raging fire ." She looked at me and wrinkled her nose. "Ewwww Mother, I do not want to be mated let along let them touch me, I have seen how they do that. No, way."
Now I tried to not smile, because I think every innocent, virginal woman has had this thought at least once, I recall my youngest sister asking, "They put that where." And I nearly pissed my leathers from her body reactions of closing her legs and putting her hands between her legs.She thought it was impossible. But every woman finds out that not only is it possible, but it is enjoyable, there are things a man can make you feel that no words describe, well at least for those of us that do embrace our passions and if you are lucky enough to have love with it, then there is nothing you cannot share or experience. There are some women and I have heard of them and seen them in enough counseling sessions to know, that some woman lay there like they are dead, they feel they should not enjoy it. That it is a duty, and some men think that way. A free woman is for making babies and a slut is for the wild sex, I hate to say this but a man or woman that thinks this , they are missing way to much of life, because what happens in a couples wagons, is between them. I had some old tuchuk women long ago tell me, a free woman in public a slut in the furs. I never understood that when I was young, but as I experienced life, I learned what that meant, and well there are things I have done and experienced that I don't think I would share with another woman. But I had the advantage of learning myself as a woman to, which I think is important for us to do.
"You think that now Hallie. But trust me that will change when you are ready to share your life with a mate. Aliandra's mother has made a choice, now she must accept the consequence, while we have many freedoms, there are some things we cannot ever do." She nodded in understanding, "Mother is it true that father was with another while mated to you." I looked at her I knew it would only be a matter of time before she had heard rumors and stories, although I never confirmed them or spoke of them in public to anyone, only Fonce and my father know the truth, one or two know something happened but I never said when or with who or where. I know Fonce he wont break that counsel of confidentiality.
"Hallie do you see your father as a warrior that would dishonor his tribe?" I would ask softly. She then squirmed a bit uncomfortable with what she started, " well, no." I would look to her, "Do you see your father as a man who would bring harm to his family?" I would ask, trying to find ways around this without really lying but without telling the truth, some things, you just don't tell a child about their father, I believe in protecting a warriors honor in public and to his children. Her brows furrowed, "No, but I never see him." I heard the pain in her words, that much was true he had not bothered with his children since their birth, why I do not know and I gave up long ago trying to figure it out. So I wrapped my arms about her and held her close, and she would curl up next to me something she has not done since she was very small, teenagers don't like to be seen all affectionate with their parents. "But, mother, I heard it was with. . . ." And with a low hiss of breath and look that all children hate getting from their mothers I silenced her before she could speak. "You hear rumors spoken out of speculation," I felt my heart racing in an almost panic how to deal with this. "But mother how can you. . ?" Her words were cut off, as a warning growl was given to her, "Hallie, if you speak of what you have heard and you mention names of people, will it not hurt them and cause others to see them in a light that would bring shame and pain?" I would ask her, she gave me one of those I know what is coming looks, in which non verbally they clearly are saying this sucks.
She would sigh, "No, that would not be a good thing to have happen." I wondered if she could sound a lot less disappointed. " Do you want to speak of things that could not only dishonor your father, but bring hurt to me, to you and to your brother Arkus and others . Would you wish to shame me in such a way." That is when she got one of those, I am so screwed looks. And she shook her head finally looking apologetic.
I could never bring myself to tell her the truth, I do not care what others say. "Unless I have told you of such a thing or your father has, you will never give such thoughts life again, to give them power, allows for trouble to brew. What you do and say affects others, you have to think and you also have to wonder, if someone is speaking of this what do they hope to gain or accomplish. Your father is a proud honorable warrior of tribe, you will continue to give him that respect." I stated in a motherly tone that meant there was no room for discussion there was no argument, it simply was how it was going to be.
She would sit for a while as my fingers moved lightly along her hair and back, "How come we never see him, Garyx was more of a father to us." I had no answer to this, I never understood this. "I do not know Hallie, I think something drives him from a dark part of his soul, he has a restlessness that takes him away for a long time, I do not think your father was one of the ones meant to have a mate or family." I answered for some men and women are not destined for these things. I never wanted a child until I held my first one in my arms and after that, I was hooked, there was no turning back, I enjoy being a mother, I love my children and would kill for them and die for them. Just as those I call friends, I would give up much for them, there is a side to me that only those that truly care ever see, And even they don't because I learned the hard way, your friends will betray you and turn on you. Though I think I am getting better, but still I only open up of things when asked and only to those who really want to know because they care.
I realize that each day I seem to be drawn to the company of just myself and my kaiila than I am around people. I find myself at my wagons for longer periods each day. I find myself wondering of my own future, I rarely have had to dwell on it that much as the skies always seemed to have something in my present and in my future, it is a first that there is nothing. Not sure what to make of it.
I have sent lily out with a piece of hide to take to each woman that wished to put a part of themselves in it, they are not required to it is if they wish to gift a young woman with a part of themselves. It will be up to each to have it done in the specified time, I will not be one that chases and coddles, each are old enough to be responsible enough to ensure it is passed around and returned, because to me this is important, I think something like this must come from the heart and a willing spirit not out of obligation or force. Last night I saw lily as she was taking the hide to another woman, she would stop and she showed me what Dash had painted and I smiled because it was so Dash. I was happy to see that others did want to do this. I would gather the hides that Seveya herself had worked on for me each of these would be joined with the hide that the women are creating to form a skirt for her ceremony.
As I worked suddenly I heard what could only be described as an urt or tabuk crashing about, to my surprise it was not an animal but my daughter Hallie, she looked upset, perplexed and confused all at the same time, which means she heard something, saw something or someone did something and she took matters into her own hands, which, well this would give me a headache I just knew it. I had to wonder whose feelings did she hurt or what warriors shins were bruised. Hallie is my wild one, trying to tame her is like trying to tame the wind. So I moved over to the embankment and motioned for her to sit with me. "What is it Hallie?" I would ask. She took a few moments and then spoke, and while she was willful,stubborn and unpredictable, she had a part of her that was deep and calm like a tranquil stream of water, this is the part you sometimes glimpsed when she was thinking before she spoke, not that she does this often. She is direct and to the point, she must get that from her grandfather.
"Mother, Aliandra's mother was just collared" Now this took me by surprised, I wondered what her friends mother could have done to warrant being collared, so I waited, I just knew I was not going to like this discussion, it was to close to things I kept quiet of, things a daughter should never know of. "Do you know why?" Hallie would nod, "She was found in a warriors furs, a warrior that was not her mate." The blush on her face told me exactly what had happened. And she would toss a pebble in the stream, "Why would she do that?" She would ask, I could see she was trying to come to terms with the consequences of the woman's actions,and what it might mean to her friend Aliandra. I had to think on how to answer this. I had to be careful. This is not something that is new among men and women, some women take a chance when they go to a mans furs, the man could very easily collar you even if he says he wont. Or it could be a test to see what you will do. That is a tricky thing, but it is one I have seen played out more than once.
" I do not know why she would betray her mate in such a manner, although it is not unheard of." I would state, you cant shield children from the realities of life the good or the bad. "It is not an honorable action and it is one that would make me ask if she did not love him or if she did, perhaps have a slaves heart and feel she needed to be furred by more than one man. Many things could have pushed her to this. Maybe she felt she was in love with this other man " Though I wonder if he still lived in fact I was surprised the woman did, she would not be warmly welcomed by other free women of that there was no doubt.
"When it comes to men and women, there can be a strong desire that cannot be fought, you can get caught up in the want and needs that you lose sight of what might happen. When a mated woman or even for that matter an unmated woman decides to be in the furs of a man, wether it is for love or just for the sexual aspect she has to be prepared for the consequence, sometimes it is the man himself that will enslave her or as in this case others who found out." I watched as she thought to this. "Well, mother how can you lose yourself like that, to the point where you are not thinking." Now I did have to chuckle softly, she was so young and so naive of how things work between men and women, little did she know just how easy that is for any woman, a free woman just has to be more careful if they are unmated but a mated one, well now that was a kaiila of a different color. In my mind there is no excuse for such an action, I don't care what the reason is because you are committed to that relationship .
"Hallie, sexual desire , lust, need, or even the passion of love can sweep people up and carry them away into a world where they do not think , or cannot think rationally especially if there are powerful emotions involved, they only want to feel and satisfy that need to be with the other. One day when you meet the warrior that will capture your heart, he to will stir much within you that can feel like a raging fire ." She looked at me and wrinkled her nose. "Ewwww Mother, I do not want to be mated let along let them touch me, I have seen how they do that. No, way."
Now I tried to not smile, because I think every innocent, virginal woman has had this thought at least once, I recall my youngest sister asking, "They put that where." And I nearly pissed my leathers from her body reactions of closing her legs and putting her hands between her legs.She thought it was impossible. But every woman finds out that not only is it possible, but it is enjoyable, there are things a man can make you feel that no words describe, well at least for those of us that do embrace our passions and if you are lucky enough to have love with it, then there is nothing you cannot share or experience. There are some women and I have heard of them and seen them in enough counseling sessions to know, that some woman lay there like they are dead, they feel they should not enjoy it. That it is a duty, and some men think that way. A free woman is for making babies and a slut is for the wild sex, I hate to say this but a man or woman that thinks this , they are missing way to much of life, because what happens in a couples wagons, is between them. I had some old tuchuk women long ago tell me, a free woman in public a slut in the furs. I never understood that when I was young, but as I experienced life, I learned what that meant, and well there are things I have done and experienced that I don't think I would share with another woman. But I had the advantage of learning myself as a woman to, which I think is important for us to do.
"You think that now Hallie. But trust me that will change when you are ready to share your life with a mate. Aliandra's mother has made a choice, now she must accept the consequence, while we have many freedoms, there are some things we cannot ever do." She nodded in understanding, "Mother is it true that father was with another while mated to you." I looked at her I knew it would only be a matter of time before she had heard rumors and stories, although I never confirmed them or spoke of them in public to anyone, only Fonce and my father know the truth, one or two know something happened but I never said when or with who or where. I know Fonce he wont break that counsel of confidentiality.
"Hallie do you see your father as a warrior that would dishonor his tribe?" I would ask softly. She then squirmed a bit uncomfortable with what she started, " well, no." I would look to her, "Do you see your father as a man who would bring harm to his family?" I would ask, trying to find ways around this without really lying but without telling the truth, some things, you just don't tell a child about their father, I believe in protecting a warriors honor in public and to his children. Her brows furrowed, "No, but I never see him." I heard the pain in her words, that much was true he had not bothered with his children since their birth, why I do not know and I gave up long ago trying to figure it out. So I wrapped my arms about her and held her close, and she would curl up next to me something she has not done since she was very small, teenagers don't like to be seen all affectionate with their parents. "But, mother, I heard it was with. . . ." And with a low hiss of breath and look that all children hate getting from their mothers I silenced her before she could speak. "You hear rumors spoken out of speculation," I felt my heart racing in an almost panic how to deal with this. "But mother how can you. . ?" Her words were cut off, as a warning growl was given to her, "Hallie, if you speak of what you have heard and you mention names of people, will it not hurt them and cause others to see them in a light that would bring shame and pain?" I would ask her, she gave me one of those I know what is coming looks, in which non verbally they clearly are saying this sucks.
She would sigh, "No, that would not be a good thing to have happen." I wondered if she could sound a lot less disappointed. " Do you want to speak of things that could not only dishonor your father, but bring hurt to me, to you and to your brother Arkus and others . Would you wish to shame me in such a way." That is when she got one of those, I am so screwed looks. And she shook her head finally looking apologetic.
I could never bring myself to tell her the truth, I do not care what others say. "Unless I have told you of such a thing or your father has, you will never give such thoughts life again, to give them power, allows for trouble to brew. What you do and say affects others, you have to think and you also have to wonder, if someone is speaking of this what do they hope to gain or accomplish. Your father is a proud honorable warrior of tribe, you will continue to give him that respect." I stated in a motherly tone that meant there was no room for discussion there was no argument, it simply was how it was going to be.
She would sit for a while as my fingers moved lightly along her hair and back, "How come we never see him, Garyx was more of a father to us." I had no answer to this, I never understood this. "I do not know Hallie, I think something drives him from a dark part of his soul, he has a restlessness that takes him away for a long time, I do not think your father was one of the ones meant to have a mate or family." I answered for some men and women are not destined for these things. I never wanted a child until I held my first one in my arms and after that, I was hooked, there was no turning back, I enjoy being a mother, I love my children and would kill for them and die for them. Just as those I call friends, I would give up much for them, there is a side to me that only those that truly care ever see, And even they don't because I learned the hard way, your friends will betray you and turn on you. Though I think I am getting better, but still I only open up of things when asked and only to those who really want to know because they care.
I realize that each day I seem to be drawn to the company of just myself and my kaiila than I am around people. I find myself at my wagons for longer periods each day. I find myself wondering of my own future, I rarely have had to dwell on it that much as the skies always seemed to have something in my present and in my future, it is a first that there is nothing. Not sure what to make of it.
