I had stayed away from the main fires and people in general as I worked thru the degrees of emotions that would consume me and burn me, stripping away layers of thought, emotion and strength. The fires of emotion had burned away everything leaving only the stark white bones in place. When we get to the place of isolation and desolation, you have no choice but to either die or survive. There is no in between. I wish I was weak of will and spirit. But I am not, so I have no choice but to reconstruct myself, to heal myself and once more embrace life. Once more I rise from the ashes and once more while unchanged I am changed. There are times that I do wish I could just remain ash and the winds scatter me about.
One night I ventured towards the main fires and obtained some stew and black wine, moving to sit beside the fires and enjoy the simple meal, it is the simple things in life that bring me the greatest of joys. Many try to make me more complex than I am, but I am not. In fact, I am very easy to understand and know, once you understand how I think and feel things. But then that is the trick. To take the time to know, to really know and not pay lip service, for friendship takes commitment, caring takes commitment, for commitment requires standing beside another no matter what, weathering the storms and standing together. I have not seen such from people in a long time, I have only seen fair weather people. There have been a few exceptions to this however, and these will have my loyalty and friendship until I draw my last breath.
I watched a young woman with a child approach the fires, she introduced herself as Asria and the young child as Lei, I knew who she was, one who sought their place among the first fires, sponsored by Fonce, she was one of the ones who had recently lost her mate to a battle I was not quite sure where or when, I did not know the details, not because I did not care, but because it happened while I was lost in my own grief and despair.
I watched both as they joined me the little girl does not talk but she hums, I wondered if it was from the loss of her father, I did not ask as I really did not know her and did not wish to cross a line that would not be welcomed, especially with those I do not know, I thought perhaps the traumatic events may have affected her, but I could see still with in her a spark of life, it clung to her and shimmered like a star in the velvet black of night, it would not be blown out, this young one had determination, and a mischievous side from what I could see. Asria, I felt her pain and sorrow, how could I not, for me I could see it as if she had turned her flesh inside out and wore it like a painful cloak, she had a quietness about her, she did not advertise her pain or bring attention to it, that told me much about her. I gleaned much from her in the first five ehn of talking to her, I instinctively can tell much of people within a few moments, there have been a rare few that have the gift of hiding their true selves and you do not see the truth of them until hands or turnings later. One of my unique gifts have been to see thru veils of deception for the truth of people and things. Only twice in over ninety turnings have I been wrong.
I enjoyed the few moments spent talking with her, I offered to teach her a few things she spoke of not knowing, I do not know if she will take me up on the offer but it was extended with genuine sincerity. She had concerns of being accepted, the best advice I could give her was to just be herself, don't try to be what she may think others want her to be. Just be herself. With that you can never go wrong. I also offered for Lei to find my youngest son, he could teach her all manner of things, now, this I did to bring the lighter more joyous things to the young girl, I know my son, while he takes his studies as a spex seriously, he still has that side of him that enjoys pranks, laughter and just being happy. There is that part of me hidden within that occasionally I let out, but not often. Perhaps one day that part of me will be allowed free once more, in the meantime I can at least guide others to not lose that part of themselves. I saw the light of interest flame within Lei 's eyes as some things I offered to show her. My word once given is as good as being done. When they are ready they need only let me know, in the meantime I gave her a description of my youngest son so that she could go and enjoy herself,he would take good care of her, I did not send her to Hallie, yet. And with good reason, I do not think she should learn how to turn people different colors yet.
She spoke of her concerns of being a burden to Fonce, now while I can not speak for him, not that I would, for he does not allow me to know him as he does others, I have thoughts on this but I keep them to myself so they are not misconstrued, I know how things change in the wind and become altered, which is why I do not take hear say from others. I have walked past the hurt and feel only a disappointment for various things, there are things he will learn the hard way of those he thinks have his back and interest at heart when in truth they do not, for he does not know all that was said during his absence but I do, and so do they, although it has been turned around, but I am not worried there is an old saying what you do or say comes back to you three fold good and bad, I merely watch. I have often made the first step to repair things, I no longer do so, it takes work from all, it will be up to him now if there is ever anything beyond a cordial politeness between us. I think he has forgotten much, one day may he remember.
Even with all this I did offer to her that Fonce would not extend to her his help or his assistance if he did not wish to give it, that much I do know. That he is a good warrior and he would not offer to her anything that he felt he could not do or want to do, at least this much I have seen. That she was not a burden and to cherish the help offered by others, she was not alone, and the tribe would not let her falter. I encouraged her to live and enjoy life, it is my thought that her Trayu would wish for her to grow and flourish. She has understandable fears, she is young and to have this pain is not easy. I gave her some encouraging words, or at least I hope they were. I hope in some way I was able to help her.
I had to depart to take care of a few things that required my attention. There are a few people I need to search out and speak to and spend time with, I have kept myself within myself for to long, it is time to come out and live once more. I also needed to figure out who would do the naming of the youngest son for me, this required thought, who would Garyx want to do this for him, I am thinking after we reach the southern camp, but I am not sure, this will require a mans input, I know he is ready and Garyx gave me the name. And it will be done as per our traditions, it is one of the most important land marks in a young mans life. I will not choose the who,when or how without much thought. This was important, This had much meaning.
For now however, I need to pack my own wagons, good skies, this is going to take forever.
One night I ventured towards the main fires and obtained some stew and black wine, moving to sit beside the fires and enjoy the simple meal, it is the simple things in life that bring me the greatest of joys. Many try to make me more complex than I am, but I am not. In fact, I am very easy to understand and know, once you understand how I think and feel things. But then that is the trick. To take the time to know, to really know and not pay lip service, for friendship takes commitment, caring takes commitment, for commitment requires standing beside another no matter what, weathering the storms and standing together. I have not seen such from people in a long time, I have only seen fair weather people. There have been a few exceptions to this however, and these will have my loyalty and friendship until I draw my last breath.
I watched a young woman with a child approach the fires, she introduced herself as Asria and the young child as Lei, I knew who she was, one who sought their place among the first fires, sponsored by Fonce, she was one of the ones who had recently lost her mate to a battle I was not quite sure where or when, I did not know the details, not because I did not care, but because it happened while I was lost in my own grief and despair.
I watched both as they joined me the little girl does not talk but she hums, I wondered if it was from the loss of her father, I did not ask as I really did not know her and did not wish to cross a line that would not be welcomed, especially with those I do not know, I thought perhaps the traumatic events may have affected her, but I could see still with in her a spark of life, it clung to her and shimmered like a star in the velvet black of night, it would not be blown out, this young one had determination, and a mischievous side from what I could see. Asria, I felt her pain and sorrow, how could I not, for me I could see it as if she had turned her flesh inside out and wore it like a painful cloak, she had a quietness about her, she did not advertise her pain or bring attention to it, that told me much about her. I gleaned much from her in the first five ehn of talking to her, I instinctively can tell much of people within a few moments, there have been a rare few that have the gift of hiding their true selves and you do not see the truth of them until hands or turnings later. One of my unique gifts have been to see thru veils of deception for the truth of people and things. Only twice in over ninety turnings have I been wrong.
I enjoyed the few moments spent talking with her, I offered to teach her a few things she spoke of not knowing, I do not know if she will take me up on the offer but it was extended with genuine sincerity. She had concerns of being accepted, the best advice I could give her was to just be herself, don't try to be what she may think others want her to be. Just be herself. With that you can never go wrong. I also offered for Lei to find my youngest son, he could teach her all manner of things, now, this I did to bring the lighter more joyous things to the young girl, I know my son, while he takes his studies as a spex seriously, he still has that side of him that enjoys pranks, laughter and just being happy. There is that part of me hidden within that occasionally I let out, but not often. Perhaps one day that part of me will be allowed free once more, in the meantime I can at least guide others to not lose that part of themselves. I saw the light of interest flame within Lei 's eyes as some things I offered to show her. My word once given is as good as being done. When they are ready they need only let me know, in the meantime I gave her a description of my youngest son so that she could go and enjoy herself,he would take good care of her, I did not send her to Hallie, yet. And with good reason, I do not think she should learn how to turn people different colors yet.
She spoke of her concerns of being a burden to Fonce, now while I can not speak for him, not that I would, for he does not allow me to know him as he does others, I have thoughts on this but I keep them to myself so they are not misconstrued, I know how things change in the wind and become altered, which is why I do not take hear say from others. I have walked past the hurt and feel only a disappointment for various things, there are things he will learn the hard way of those he thinks have his back and interest at heart when in truth they do not, for he does not know all that was said during his absence but I do, and so do they, although it has been turned around, but I am not worried there is an old saying what you do or say comes back to you three fold good and bad, I merely watch. I have often made the first step to repair things, I no longer do so, it takes work from all, it will be up to him now if there is ever anything beyond a cordial politeness between us. I think he has forgotten much, one day may he remember.
Even with all this I did offer to her that Fonce would not extend to her his help or his assistance if he did not wish to give it, that much I do know. That he is a good warrior and he would not offer to her anything that he felt he could not do or want to do, at least this much I have seen. That she was not a burden and to cherish the help offered by others, she was not alone, and the tribe would not let her falter. I encouraged her to live and enjoy life, it is my thought that her Trayu would wish for her to grow and flourish. She has understandable fears, she is young and to have this pain is not easy. I gave her some encouraging words, or at least I hope they were. I hope in some way I was able to help her.
I had to depart to take care of a few things that required my attention. There are a few people I need to search out and speak to and spend time with, I have kept myself within myself for to long, it is time to come out and live once more. I also needed to figure out who would do the naming of the youngest son for me, this required thought, who would Garyx want to do this for him, I am thinking after we reach the southern camp, but I am not sure, this will require a mans input, I know he is ready and Garyx gave me the name. And it will be done as per our traditions, it is one of the most important land marks in a young mans life. I will not choose the who,when or how without much thought. This was important, This had much meaning.
For now however, I need to pack my own wagons, good skies, this is going to take forever.
