There was a faint misting of rain in the early morning, not enough to bring any sustenance, just enough to tease you with the want and need. Leaving you wanting more. Needing more. I stood outside with my face lifted to the sky letting the light mist fall over my face, for a moment if I allowed myself I could feel a gentle caress over my face and a light kiss to my lips. If I allowed myself I could almost pretend that Garyx was there beside me touching my face and hair,talking to me. It was a short lived thought for I knew he was not and I knew I could not linger in the past even if I wanted to. There was only the present and stepping onward with the future.
I watched my youngest son with the other children, he was racing his kaiila and wagering like any good tuchuk. The laughter of children rang thru the air creating a symphony of song that would glide all around the wagons, such a gift gave hint to the life of the tribe, that it flourished and created a strong web of life, for a moment I wondered what it would have been like to have had the daughter we planned to have, he wanted a daughter,to have at least one of each, however, that was not fated to be. I enjoy holding Cana's young ones and sharing in the life of their children, but you know it is not the same as holding your own and breathing in the fresh scent of them and feeling their tiny hands grasp your finger and watch as their eyes light up taking in all around them, so many things that make that time the most enjoyable. I felt myself frown a bit I would not know such joy again. I know I should be glad and thankful for the ones I have but sometimes we do think for a moment on what we could have had and should have had. For a moment I look back to the way we have come and then I look to where we go.
I have always liked the rain, I enjoy the storms even more, I like to dance with the lightening, there is a charge in the air that we know how to channel. Though only a few can do it, it will soon be time to select another to learn. I do not mind it alone sometimes but other times I enjoy sharing it with the others that know how, that is when much happens, is felt and seen. We have not done that in some time, the next storm that rocks the plains I think we shall have to go out and enjoy it. Chulun asked who it is I might teach this particular gift to, I did not yet know, there are certain things a person must have in order to learn this, and there was the element to consider as well, otherwise they will like most people die the moment the strike gets to close or touches them and if they do not die then they will live with severe permanent damage to their body. I had an idea but I was not yet sure, for now I would watch and see and I am not quite sure they would be ready.
He would nod in understanding, he knew the dangers of this as well as the rewards, a Spex always did seem to enjoy walking along the edge of things. Daring things, Knowing things,Feeling things and being Silent of things. "Do you wish to find a mate again?" He would ask me, I shook my head, "No" He would frown, now why is it when I answered honestly I got that reaction, men seemed to think I needed them to take care of me, I do not, however, I would be lying if I said I did not want the company of a man that would be a friend and confidante, who could listen and truly hear, who would talk to me and not around me or over me,one who is not afraid to share his thoughts and emotions, one that has honor, integrity, and courage, one who could accept me as I am on all levels, flaws and all, one who could inspire passion and desire and share in it and not consider only himself, there were many things I would want in such a man. But as there are none that have these things, then I have to say honestly that no I do not seek a mate. So I am not lying I am being honest I am not searching for one and at this point in my life I have no desire to have one. If such a man were to cross my path of life then maybe I would consider it. He would look to me thoughtfully and then nodded in understanding.
I was glad that we had stopped to rest as I had a few repairs on my wagons to take care of, it has been a different journey so far in many ways, I found myself working most of the day, almost forgetting to eat, but on the trail I have the habit of not eating much or drinking much, sticking to a few strips of dried meat thru out the day, Garyx used to fuss at me and send a girl over to ensure I ate, I had to laugh sometimes because he was worse than I was, but I would eat just to rest his mind, I never wanted him to worry on patrol. His mind needed to be on what he was doing and not on what I was not doing. I ensured that the extra water I had hanging about was sent over to Cana and Ba'atars wagon, so that it can be used with others during this time of the need to conserve,
After some time I made my way to the wagons, I came upon Fonce and Seveya, she was going to the stream, now that was a good idea. I was going to keep that in the back of my mind, I joined Fonce by the fire and shared in small talk, nothing of major importance or life shattering events, I have not had those kind of discussions with anyone since the night Garyx died. I have not yet seen my father, but I thought I heard one of them saying he was seen along with the patrol. After some time I left the fires as I began to feel restless and antsy and thought to go to the stream and clean up. I would not bathe yet as there would be way to many around and well, I am not about to be entertainment.
I felt a pain flow thru me after I relaxed for a bit, it was intense enough that it caught my breath, images of various people floated thru my mind, injuries sustained, screams of pain and cries of sorrow filtered around me, it was enough to almost bring me to my knees. As it passed I saw the herlit that often sat on the top of my wagon pass over. There were times like this I really did miss my mate, he was always able to help me to get thru this things so that they were never noticed by others and also made them easier to carry. This was not as bad as some but it revealed a few things that I cannot change for we aren't allowed to interfere but there were other things I could do and I would go to speak to the other elders and some of the men would give the guidance needed to the warriors I saw.
I watched my youngest son with the other children, he was racing his kaiila and wagering like any good tuchuk. The laughter of children rang thru the air creating a symphony of song that would glide all around the wagons, such a gift gave hint to the life of the tribe, that it flourished and created a strong web of life, for a moment I wondered what it would have been like to have had the daughter we planned to have, he wanted a daughter,to have at least one of each, however, that was not fated to be. I enjoy holding Cana's young ones and sharing in the life of their children, but you know it is not the same as holding your own and breathing in the fresh scent of them and feeling their tiny hands grasp your finger and watch as their eyes light up taking in all around them, so many things that make that time the most enjoyable. I felt myself frown a bit I would not know such joy again. I know I should be glad and thankful for the ones I have but sometimes we do think for a moment on what we could have had and should have had. For a moment I look back to the way we have come and then I look to where we go.
I have always liked the rain, I enjoy the storms even more, I like to dance with the lightening, there is a charge in the air that we know how to channel. Though only a few can do it, it will soon be time to select another to learn. I do not mind it alone sometimes but other times I enjoy sharing it with the others that know how, that is when much happens, is felt and seen. We have not done that in some time, the next storm that rocks the plains I think we shall have to go out and enjoy it. Chulun asked who it is I might teach this particular gift to, I did not yet know, there are certain things a person must have in order to learn this, and there was the element to consider as well, otherwise they will like most people die the moment the strike gets to close or touches them and if they do not die then they will live with severe permanent damage to their body. I had an idea but I was not yet sure, for now I would watch and see and I am not quite sure they would be ready.
He would nod in understanding, he knew the dangers of this as well as the rewards, a Spex always did seem to enjoy walking along the edge of things. Daring things, Knowing things,Feeling things and being Silent of things. "Do you wish to find a mate again?" He would ask me, I shook my head, "No" He would frown, now why is it when I answered honestly I got that reaction, men seemed to think I needed them to take care of me, I do not, however, I would be lying if I said I did not want the company of a man that would be a friend and confidante, who could listen and truly hear, who would talk to me and not around me or over me,one who is not afraid to share his thoughts and emotions, one that has honor, integrity, and courage, one who could accept me as I am on all levels, flaws and all, one who could inspire passion and desire and share in it and not consider only himself, there were many things I would want in such a man. But as there are none that have these things, then I have to say honestly that no I do not seek a mate. So I am not lying I am being honest I am not searching for one and at this point in my life I have no desire to have one. If such a man were to cross my path of life then maybe I would consider it. He would look to me thoughtfully and then nodded in understanding.
I was glad that we had stopped to rest as I had a few repairs on my wagons to take care of, it has been a different journey so far in many ways, I found myself working most of the day, almost forgetting to eat, but on the trail I have the habit of not eating much or drinking much, sticking to a few strips of dried meat thru out the day, Garyx used to fuss at me and send a girl over to ensure I ate, I had to laugh sometimes because he was worse than I was, but I would eat just to rest his mind, I never wanted him to worry on patrol. His mind needed to be on what he was doing and not on what I was not doing. I ensured that the extra water I had hanging about was sent over to Cana and Ba'atars wagon, so that it can be used with others during this time of the need to conserve,
After some time I made my way to the wagons, I came upon Fonce and Seveya, she was going to the stream, now that was a good idea. I was going to keep that in the back of my mind, I joined Fonce by the fire and shared in small talk, nothing of major importance or life shattering events, I have not had those kind of discussions with anyone since the night Garyx died. I have not yet seen my father, but I thought I heard one of them saying he was seen along with the patrol. After some time I left the fires as I began to feel restless and antsy and thought to go to the stream and clean up. I would not bathe yet as there would be way to many around and well, I am not about to be entertainment.
I felt a pain flow thru me after I relaxed for a bit, it was intense enough that it caught my breath, images of various people floated thru my mind, injuries sustained, screams of pain and cries of sorrow filtered around me, it was enough to almost bring me to my knees. As it passed I saw the herlit that often sat on the top of my wagon pass over. There were times like this I really did miss my mate, he was always able to help me to get thru this things so that they were never noticed by others and also made them easier to carry. This was not as bad as some but it revealed a few things that I cannot change for we aren't allowed to interfere but there were other things I could do and I would go to speak to the other elders and some of the men would give the guidance needed to the warriors I saw.
