When I had eventually made my way to my wagons after the encounter I would find things at the spex wagon to work on, I watched the stars in the sky as they were suspended in the mantle of darkness that hovered over the plains, my hands automatically prepared things in a certain order and certain way, mostly due to the long term repeativeness of it.
Chulun eventually came along side me and I felt him watch me for a few ehn, " The only time you work on those herbs is when you are ticked off at someone, something or both." He would state, this caused my brow to lift, " How do you know that ? " I would ask, and he would just smile, "Because it is the only one that requires an effort to cut up thereby you have to expend energy to do it, even if you have done it numerous times before." I would look to him and then to the herbs, and I stopped working on them, "Interesting observation."
"You want to tell me what is really bothering you, because it has nothing to do with the person you are directing it at." I shook my head, "Nope, and it does." He would hand me a bowl and I lifted a brow, knowing all to well how he liked to play with herbs for effect and I was hesitant to take it, He merely smiled waiting to see if I would trust him to drink it, "If it does anything I swear I will strip your hide from your body and sew it on you backwards." He just laughed softly and guided me to the platform of my wagon.
"What is beneath the surface?" he would ask, I knew what he was asking. And I contemplated saying anything. The silence seemed to draw out yet he was patient . "The actions of one reminded me of two others, and it brought back how I felt, and I was made to feel it again," I would state softly. I did not really want to talk about it or get into it, because it did not really matter, what mattered is that much was made clear to me and there is nothing I can do about it. I got the message loud and clear,and I would keep my distance, I had even contemplated for a moment one to matchmaker him with, but I would not do that now. Actually there was one that would serve him right to end up with, and I knew that she was already infatuated with him.
Chulun laughed low, " Now Tarra that is a really cruel thought, you really are pissed off at him that you would curse him like that?" I would shrug, "Tell me what happened the first time" I shook my head as I took a drink of black wine, "I would rather not, it was not long after my father had me taken away." And I cut him a look he knew that I had not completely forgiven the clan for their hand in that, "It was the only way Tarra, there were things you needed to learn that would be valuable to us." I could only mutter low.
However, I began to talk to him
" The first time was not long after I was taken to Treve, it was bad enough that the people there would try to make me feel like I was some imbecile because I was tuchuk, they tried to make me into what they considered a proper woman, they tried to remove my nose ring, locked me in side their walls, and they would try to force my ways and traditions from me, which was a bad move,my father had given it to me because it was my mothers. After that they remembered to remove all my weapons. I learned their language and their ways, I learned to read and write and what made their city tick, I know where the hidden city is. " At his look of surprise I would smile, " My first mate, he was forced upon me, I did not love him, it was an arrangement because it would bring two wealthy families together, as if I cared about that sort of thing. He owned slaves, now I grew up with them all my life so it was no big deal, they had a purpose. But there was one, she was beautiful in a strange way, she was a barbarian, I learned their language there, all the men lusted after her an she knew it. I had watched in surprise as she pranced about as if a free woman in a collar, I did not understand this for I had never seen such upon the plains." As I spoke I knew that the images were flowing thru the mind of the old Spex.
" I paid no heed to her as I was with child and was learning things from the merchant that I knew one day would come in handy for the tribe when I was able to return. That was until he brought her into where I lived with him I cannot call it home as I never felt it was such, outside of having her in his furs I never saw her do anything and she only was out to be seen when he was within the place we lived. One day she took something that belonged to me, it was personal and sentimental, father had given it to me, when I said something on her behavior Terran just shrugged and said she does as he commands her. I thought this odd, were not slaves to obey all free. But I soon found out that did not happen, and one day I had enough and I punished her for daring to walk around as if she were equal to me."
"My surprise came when it was not her that got into trouble but me, not only did he chain me by my wrists and ankles but he forced me to watch him fur her, then he allowed for her to take a knife and draw it along my neck from the back of my hairline down the length of my torso, she cut the skin deep near my neck just barely missing the jugular, I have a scar from my hairline to my clavicle." I saw the raising of his grey brow. " And he was allowed to live?"
For a few moments I said nothing, " He was allowed to live because no one knew, if I said anything he was going to kill my unborn child. Everyone thought him such an upstanding warrior. I wont go into the detail of any of the things he did needless to say I spent a lot of time over the turnings in chains and he bestowed his torture upon me, often I had to watch him with his sluts some of them he was just as abusive to. He told me that I had no rights I was but a woman, and that his slave was so much better and more of a woman than I would ever be. It was the first time that I had ever doubted myself as a woman, I wondered if I was less because I was a free woman than I realized no, it wasn't me, I wondered if all that kanda he was addicted to had done something to him, I had never seen such in a warrior before. My salvation came in the form of my sister Dina that I had not seen since she was a child, she is like me and she saw things in my mind and her hatred grew, she came into the city and in the arena assassinated him. she was of their black caste.
Over the years I found out that many are ruled by women not just slaves but free women who acted like slaves. I never had any issues with any of them until then, after that I learned to keep them away from me. I have a scar to prove their deceitfulness and as much as they spout that they are so free and in love ultimately they have only one purpose and it is for their own wants and needs, not that of a man, and not that of the free."
I could see his frown deepen, "We did not foresee you would endure that kind of treatment." He stated. He would drink his black wine, " So it is not the warrior you are really upset with, and you know he is not like that type of man, you are upset over the feelings that were brought to the surface that you had repressed for so long." I said nothing to that for the longest time. "It is not just him, and yes I know he and many others here are not like that, I am not some wet behind the ears kid, but, I have seen it of others, it was the first time though I have felt that I was beneath someone in a long time and I don't like to be made to feel that way, that was worse than what others have done."
He would nod and smile. And I looked at him oddly, all he would say was, "That is the first you have willingly shared something of yourself like that " I gave him a look that said, whatever. And he just laughed and stood. "Remember what you tell others, use your own counsel."
Now that made sense to me, just what was he getting at, and why in the hell was he smiling, then it dawned on me, I spoke to him openly and without censure, I allowed him to see that wounded part of me. No wonder he was smiling.
He better not get used to it. I wasn't about to become an open book for anyone, and it didn't change that I was beginning to dislike men, and if Ba'atar and my father think they are saddling me with any one they are not only in for a war but a rude awakening. The only way I would consider it, is if there was one who was able to do what Garyx did.
And I know there are none that could or would do it.
Chulun eventually came along side me and I felt him watch me for a few ehn, " The only time you work on those herbs is when you are ticked off at someone, something or both." He would state, this caused my brow to lift, " How do you know that ? " I would ask, and he would just smile, "Because it is the only one that requires an effort to cut up thereby you have to expend energy to do it, even if you have done it numerous times before." I would look to him and then to the herbs, and I stopped working on them, "Interesting observation."
"You want to tell me what is really bothering you, because it has nothing to do with the person you are directing it at." I shook my head, "Nope, and it does." He would hand me a bowl and I lifted a brow, knowing all to well how he liked to play with herbs for effect and I was hesitant to take it, He merely smiled waiting to see if I would trust him to drink it, "If it does anything I swear I will strip your hide from your body and sew it on you backwards." He just laughed softly and guided me to the platform of my wagon.
"What is beneath the surface?" he would ask, I knew what he was asking. And I contemplated saying anything. The silence seemed to draw out yet he was patient . "The actions of one reminded me of two others, and it brought back how I felt, and I was made to feel it again," I would state softly. I did not really want to talk about it or get into it, because it did not really matter, what mattered is that much was made clear to me and there is nothing I can do about it. I got the message loud and clear,and I would keep my distance, I had even contemplated for a moment one to matchmaker him with, but I would not do that now. Actually there was one that would serve him right to end up with, and I knew that she was already infatuated with him.
Chulun laughed low, " Now Tarra that is a really cruel thought, you really are pissed off at him that you would curse him like that?" I would shrug, "Tell me what happened the first time" I shook my head as I took a drink of black wine, "I would rather not, it was not long after my father had me taken away." And I cut him a look he knew that I had not completely forgiven the clan for their hand in that, "It was the only way Tarra, there were things you needed to learn that would be valuable to us." I could only mutter low.
However, I began to talk to him
" The first time was not long after I was taken to Treve, it was bad enough that the people there would try to make me feel like I was some imbecile because I was tuchuk, they tried to make me into what they considered a proper woman, they tried to remove my nose ring, locked me in side their walls, and they would try to force my ways and traditions from me, which was a bad move,my father had given it to me because it was my mothers. After that they remembered to remove all my weapons. I learned their language and their ways, I learned to read and write and what made their city tick, I know where the hidden city is. " At his look of surprise I would smile, " My first mate, he was forced upon me, I did not love him, it was an arrangement because it would bring two wealthy families together, as if I cared about that sort of thing. He owned slaves, now I grew up with them all my life so it was no big deal, they had a purpose. But there was one, she was beautiful in a strange way, she was a barbarian, I learned their language there, all the men lusted after her an she knew it. I had watched in surprise as she pranced about as if a free woman in a collar, I did not understand this for I had never seen such upon the plains." As I spoke I knew that the images were flowing thru the mind of the old Spex.
" I paid no heed to her as I was with child and was learning things from the merchant that I knew one day would come in handy for the tribe when I was able to return. That was until he brought her into where I lived with him I cannot call it home as I never felt it was such, outside of having her in his furs I never saw her do anything and she only was out to be seen when he was within the place we lived. One day she took something that belonged to me, it was personal and sentimental, father had given it to me, when I said something on her behavior Terran just shrugged and said she does as he commands her. I thought this odd, were not slaves to obey all free. But I soon found out that did not happen, and one day I had enough and I punished her for daring to walk around as if she were equal to me."
"My surprise came when it was not her that got into trouble but me, not only did he chain me by my wrists and ankles but he forced me to watch him fur her, then he allowed for her to take a knife and draw it along my neck from the back of my hairline down the length of my torso, she cut the skin deep near my neck just barely missing the jugular, I have a scar from my hairline to my clavicle." I saw the raising of his grey brow. " And he was allowed to live?"
For a few moments I said nothing, " He was allowed to live because no one knew, if I said anything he was going to kill my unborn child. Everyone thought him such an upstanding warrior. I wont go into the detail of any of the things he did needless to say I spent a lot of time over the turnings in chains and he bestowed his torture upon me, often I had to watch him with his sluts some of them he was just as abusive to. He told me that I had no rights I was but a woman, and that his slave was so much better and more of a woman than I would ever be. It was the first time that I had ever doubted myself as a woman, I wondered if I was less because I was a free woman than I realized no, it wasn't me, I wondered if all that kanda he was addicted to had done something to him, I had never seen such in a warrior before. My salvation came in the form of my sister Dina that I had not seen since she was a child, she is like me and she saw things in my mind and her hatred grew, she came into the city and in the arena assassinated him. she was of their black caste.
Over the years I found out that many are ruled by women not just slaves but free women who acted like slaves. I never had any issues with any of them until then, after that I learned to keep them away from me. I have a scar to prove their deceitfulness and as much as they spout that they are so free and in love ultimately they have only one purpose and it is for their own wants and needs, not that of a man, and not that of the free."
I could see his frown deepen, "We did not foresee you would endure that kind of treatment." He stated. He would drink his black wine, " So it is not the warrior you are really upset with, and you know he is not like that type of man, you are upset over the feelings that were brought to the surface that you had repressed for so long." I said nothing to that for the longest time. "It is not just him, and yes I know he and many others here are not like that, I am not some wet behind the ears kid, but, I have seen it of others, it was the first time though I have felt that I was beneath someone in a long time and I don't like to be made to feel that way, that was worse than what others have done."
He would nod and smile. And I looked at him oddly, all he would say was, "That is the first you have willingly shared something of yourself like that " I gave him a look that said, whatever. And he just laughed and stood. "Remember what you tell others, use your own counsel."
Now that made sense to me, just what was he getting at, and why in the hell was he smiling, then it dawned on me, I spoke to him openly and without censure, I allowed him to see that wounded part of me. No wonder he was smiling.
He better not get used to it. I wasn't about to become an open book for anyone, and it didn't change that I was beginning to dislike men, and if Ba'atar and my father think they are saddling me with any one they are not only in for a war but a rude awakening. The only way I would consider it, is if there was one who was able to do what Garyx did.
And I know there are none that could or would do it.
