Though I can not say I am at the main fires as often as I was a few hands ago, I find myself slowly stepping out of the protective mantle of darkened emotions, though I like to go back into them for they are comfortable and safe. There I feel protected and loved, not the way family and friends do, it is the memories of a different kind of love, thoughts and feelings shared between a man and woman, the connection, laughter and passion. But, while comfortable they are not ones conducive to living, and they are not me, and I have struggled daily to not let them bind me. Each day I shed a bit more of the abraised wounded skin and step into the new one that is healed. I regress sometimes, and on those days I find myself crawling back into that place,to hide and not allow myself to feel. Strange how once that cold lonely place once felt welcome now it feels alien to me, I know that this is normal and I try not to let myself beat myself up over it.
I was sitting at the fire with some of the prospects, their thoughts and emotions are a whirlwind of chaos as they try to find themselves and prove themselves, there is no true order in them yet, but I would not expect it. Youth has its rewards and challenges and I think they are finding this out. I was surprised to see my father walk up but relieved I had begun to get worried something had happened, he was his usual grumpy gramps self. My daughter Falon also joined us, everyone introduced themselves as they did not know each other.
I watched and listened to the various discussions, once in a while I would torment my father just as I always have, some things will never change, a few did not linger, I observed much of them, and I will not say much but I think they have much to learn, to be tribe you must be around everyone not just certain warriors, they think that we miss where their hearts are drawn to but we do not, the more subtle you are sometimes the more apparent you are. Yamka was speaking of Magda the elder she has been taking care of I see she has a fondness for her, and that is good, for she can learn much from her. Though she thought she was the eldest of the tribe, there are a few more the same age and older, so I directed her to Galdai, he is about a turning or two older, though you would not know it with the way he acts, he was once a drummer but with age he does not do as much as he used to, but he still teaches about life, and those lessons are truly
invaluable, though I warned her of his quick hand , but he only does that if you step out of line or say or do something that is less than intelligent, I know he has gotten me a few times, but his patience and wisdom are treasured. I wonder if I should have warned her about that leather bag he has hanging about his wagon, I do not know what it contains, he never tells, but I know it packs a wallop. I did not tell her about Chulun well, because not even I would do that to a prospect, he loves to eat them up and spit them up, hell he likes to do that to other elders, imagine what he would do to those trying to prove themselves. No, not this hand, I will be nice.
For now.
Seveya was there and I gave her a gift for when it is time for her ring to be placed, I can sense the turmoil under the surface that comes from not only learning new things, but in learning herself. I am not sure of the reasons why I gifted it to her, I think there are many reasons, mostly I felt it was the right thing to do, it gave her something to aspire to a goal to reach, I know how important that is. She has many doubts but she has heart and it will guide her to learn to stand on her own two feet. The separation of childhood and adulthood is never easy. I felt that if I was going to be a mother type figure or influence then this was a start for her, though she will so much knowledge from Cana as well. She honored me by accepting it. It is nothing fancy, it is old and simple, but each of my daughters have had it used when first pierced then when healed they would have one of their own made, it was clean to the point where it was sterile, for I used techniques of healers to clean it and keep it protected. I do not think I will tell her how old it really is, perhaps one day I will have other children, but for now that is not a likely prospect so I will gift her with this until she has her own.
I did not linger long as I had repairs to make, and I left everyone by the fires in order to take care of things, I had gathered a few things from the leather workers and from other clans and set to work on repairing a few things. I was thankful to the warriors that checked on the state of my wagons and the repair they rendered on the one wheel of my spex wagon. It is an old one I think I have had it for a very long time, maybe one day I will have a new one made.
With that I set about to work, and I found myself working late into the night.
I was sitting at the fire with some of the prospects, their thoughts and emotions are a whirlwind of chaos as they try to find themselves and prove themselves, there is no true order in them yet, but I would not expect it. Youth has its rewards and challenges and I think they are finding this out. I was surprised to see my father walk up but relieved I had begun to get worried something had happened, he was his usual grumpy gramps self. My daughter Falon also joined us, everyone introduced themselves as they did not know each other.
I watched and listened to the various discussions, once in a while I would torment my father just as I always have, some things will never change, a few did not linger, I observed much of them, and I will not say much but I think they have much to learn, to be tribe you must be around everyone not just certain warriors, they think that we miss where their hearts are drawn to but we do not, the more subtle you are sometimes the more apparent you are. Yamka was speaking of Magda the elder she has been taking care of I see she has a fondness for her, and that is good, for she can learn much from her. Though she thought she was the eldest of the tribe, there are a few more the same age and older, so I directed her to Galdai, he is about a turning or two older, though you would not know it with the way he acts, he was once a drummer but with age he does not do as much as he used to, but he still teaches about life, and those lessons are truly
invaluable, though I warned her of his quick hand , but he only does that if you step out of line or say or do something that is less than intelligent, I know he has gotten me a few times, but his patience and wisdom are treasured. I wonder if I should have warned her about that leather bag he has hanging about his wagon, I do not know what it contains, he never tells, but I know it packs a wallop. I did not tell her about Chulun well, because not even I would do that to a prospect, he loves to eat them up and spit them up, hell he likes to do that to other elders, imagine what he would do to those trying to prove themselves. No, not this hand, I will be nice.
For now.
Seveya was there and I gave her a gift for when it is time for her ring to be placed, I can sense the turmoil under the surface that comes from not only learning new things, but in learning herself. I am not sure of the reasons why I gifted it to her, I think there are many reasons, mostly I felt it was the right thing to do, it gave her something to aspire to a goal to reach, I know how important that is. She has many doubts but she has heart and it will guide her to learn to stand on her own two feet. The separation of childhood and adulthood is never easy. I felt that if I was going to be a mother type figure or influence then this was a start for her, though she will so much knowledge from Cana as well. She honored me by accepting it. It is nothing fancy, it is old and simple, but each of my daughters have had it used when first pierced then when healed they would have one of their own made, it was clean to the point where it was sterile, for I used techniques of healers to clean it and keep it protected. I do not think I will tell her how old it really is, perhaps one day I will have other children, but for now that is not a likely prospect so I will gift her with this until she has her own.
I did not linger long as I had repairs to make, and I left everyone by the fires in order to take care of things, I had gathered a few things from the leather workers and from other clans and set to work on repairing a few things. I was thankful to the warriors that checked on the state of my wagons and the repair they rendered on the one wheel of my spex wagon. It is an old one I think I have had it for a very long time, maybe one day I will have a new one made.
With that I set about to work, and I found myself working late into the night.
