When I resurfaced from the cool grip of the water, I felt beads of water trail along my skin, clinging to every inch of me. I was fascinated for a moment by the prism of color trapped within them in the moonlight. For a brief moment I felt as if I were alive once more. Though I knew it was just the stimulation of the water and the fact that it washed a way the remnants of the dream.
Wrapping the fur about me, I walked to my wagon, moving quietly thru the night, given the lateness of the ahn I knew that not many were yet up. I sat on my platform for a long time, afraid to go to sleep, I was in no hurry for a repeat performance.
Eventually I went inside the wagon and lay down in my furs, my hand moved along the fur, it was empty like I was,I found it strange that at this time in my life I find I hate being alone. Odd. I have been alone most of my life and never had any concerns or issues with it. But the sudden thrust of it upon me made it somehow different that any other time. I knew in time this would pass, I know the process and the logic of it. Just somehow I couldn't get my heart and mind past it. For the first time I had to struggle to get past the pain. That was just odd also.
Interestingly enough, I fell asleep,there were no torturous visions, there was nothing in them if I did dream I do not recall it, I know that I woke up feeling rested, it was as if in those few ahns I slept for days, replenishing the energy that had been repleted. I began my day as usual, dressing, braiding my hair and stepping outside once more to pursue some black wine to start my day. Surprisingly enough, one of the camp slaves was daring enough to be near my wagons with some black wine, most knew I did not eat very early, they whys not even I know, I just don't like to eat to early. I could see the relief in her eyes as I took the bowl and she got to live another day, most slaves I just barely tolerated. There are three reasons for that. Each of them had been a slave that imbued the traits of what men considered a perfect slave. They manipulated, pretended and earned trust. Then they revealed their intents. One left a scar on my body, one left a scar on my heart and one just plain enraged me. It is because of these three that I trust none of them and keep them at a safe distance. It is also why I rarely let any of them serve me, I know very well what they can put in food and drink. Sometimes it irritates me the blindness of men, I don't have jealousy of them as a woman because I happen to know that I have a deep passion that is not inhibited, I know myself as a woman. I do have my own demons regarding them that I wont deny. This one did not linger, a wise girl. That is one of the things I loved about Garyx he did not know all the details but he understood what I felt and my fears, he had told me when he took a slave it would be ours, not just his, and that I would have say in which one we collared. I did not mind after that if he took one, he had addressed various concerns, and I enjoyed that fact that no slave ruled him, he commanded them, he was not enslaved to them body or heart. And he did not tolerate some of their games and did not hesitate to remind them that they were owned, they had no ownership of anything. Not many men would do that, but then he cared enough to want harmony in his wagons and his woman happy. Another thing not to many men would do. If ever I did allow another man close to me, I do know this, they could never measure up. Most of them cannot even handle a woman let alone handle one that is a spex, and has thoughts she is no afraid to voice, because I sure am not some delicate, innocent flower that can be controlled.
I watched as the men began to hitch the bosk to the wagons, I noticed that Mist Runner has not been around for some time, but I am not surprised by this . So I mounted the black beast that Teng had given me, he was unpredictable, wild and had a temper snarling if anyone got to close to him or to me. But there was something about him. Somehow he seemed fitting for me I was able to handle him without difficulty, knowing instinctively what was needed. With the right hand he was a prize and had such a free spirit that I had to smile.
So it began the journey south. I have mixed feelings, I find myself lingering and looking back wanting to stay, but I cant, well I could if I really wanted to and chose to. But if I truly look within then I know I do not.
I looked at the skies, pondering what awaited us. Some things were revealed in that endless expanse.
Interesting.. was all I could think to myself. As we began to pull out, the creaking of wheels echoed in the air, the dust began to rise and float along feet and hooves. There was the song of the bosk as they were herded along the trail. And so once more it began. . .
Wrapping the fur about me, I walked to my wagon, moving quietly thru the night, given the lateness of the ahn I knew that not many were yet up. I sat on my platform for a long time, afraid to go to sleep, I was in no hurry for a repeat performance.
Eventually I went inside the wagon and lay down in my furs, my hand moved along the fur, it was empty like I was,I found it strange that at this time in my life I find I hate being alone. Odd. I have been alone most of my life and never had any concerns or issues with it. But the sudden thrust of it upon me made it somehow different that any other time. I knew in time this would pass, I know the process and the logic of it. Just somehow I couldn't get my heart and mind past it. For the first time I had to struggle to get past the pain. That was just odd also.
Interestingly enough, I fell asleep,there were no torturous visions, there was nothing in them if I did dream I do not recall it, I know that I woke up feeling rested, it was as if in those few ahns I slept for days, replenishing the energy that had been repleted. I began my day as usual, dressing, braiding my hair and stepping outside once more to pursue some black wine to start my day. Surprisingly enough, one of the camp slaves was daring enough to be near my wagons with some black wine, most knew I did not eat very early, they whys not even I know, I just don't like to eat to early. I could see the relief in her eyes as I took the bowl and she got to live another day, most slaves I just barely tolerated. There are three reasons for that. Each of them had been a slave that imbued the traits of what men considered a perfect slave. They manipulated, pretended and earned trust. Then they revealed their intents. One left a scar on my body, one left a scar on my heart and one just plain enraged me. It is because of these three that I trust none of them and keep them at a safe distance. It is also why I rarely let any of them serve me, I know very well what they can put in food and drink. Sometimes it irritates me the blindness of men, I don't have jealousy of them as a woman because I happen to know that I have a deep passion that is not inhibited, I know myself as a woman. I do have my own demons regarding them that I wont deny. This one did not linger, a wise girl. That is one of the things I loved about Garyx he did not know all the details but he understood what I felt and my fears, he had told me when he took a slave it would be ours, not just his, and that I would have say in which one we collared. I did not mind after that if he took one, he had addressed various concerns, and I enjoyed that fact that no slave ruled him, he commanded them, he was not enslaved to them body or heart. And he did not tolerate some of their games and did not hesitate to remind them that they were owned, they had no ownership of anything. Not many men would do that, but then he cared enough to want harmony in his wagons and his woman happy. Another thing not to many men would do. If ever I did allow another man close to me, I do know this, they could never measure up. Most of them cannot even handle a woman let alone handle one that is a spex, and has thoughts she is no afraid to voice, because I sure am not some delicate, innocent flower that can be controlled.
I watched as the men began to hitch the bosk to the wagons, I noticed that Mist Runner has not been around for some time, but I am not surprised by this . So I mounted the black beast that Teng had given me, he was unpredictable, wild and had a temper snarling if anyone got to close to him or to me. But there was something about him. Somehow he seemed fitting for me I was able to handle him without difficulty, knowing instinctively what was needed. With the right hand he was a prize and had such a free spirit that I had to smile.
So it began the journey south. I have mixed feelings, I find myself lingering and looking back wanting to stay, but I cant, well I could if I really wanted to and chose to. But if I truly look within then I know I do not.
I looked at the skies, pondering what awaited us. Some things were revealed in that endless expanse.
Interesting.. was all I could think to myself. As we began to pull out, the creaking of wheels echoed in the air, the dust began to rise and float along feet and hooves. There was the song of the bosk as they were herded along the trail. And so once more it began. . .
