I have not left my wagons since our return from the battle sight. At first I sat for many ahns by the lifeless form of my mate. I found I could do nothing, I just sat beside him, my head resting on his chest that no longer lifted and lowered with breath. My arm lay over him as I just sat there and cried, once I let the control go there was a flood tide of emotion that I did not try to stop, there was a point in the late of the night when I realized that the low,haunting cry that echoed in the air was my own, it was drawn from the deepest part of me . How long I sat there I was not even sure. How long those cries were torn from me I don't even know.
Eventually, I finally moved and removed the bloody tattered clothing that clung to him and removed the arrows. I had sent a slave to bring me water and cloths then I dismissed her. I then began to gently bathe him and remove the grime and blood from him, once in a while my fingers would linger over a scar that adorned him, he was covered with not a part of him was unmarked and I knew every scar he bore and why, he had entrusted me with his deepest secrets and I kept them within me like a priceless treasure, for they were that. When a man trusts you, it says a lot. Even now the two smiley faces he bore from when I stitched him up were evident on the cold flesh, it has been a joke between us afterward, counting how many he would have before he grew old and died. The water was no longer clear when I finished, it was cloudy and sanguineous. I prepared the oils that I used for this purpose along with various herbs and other things that were sacred and prepared by the Haruspex clan .There is a reason our pyres consumed our loved ones so that no remains were left. Slowly my hands would begin with his face gently applying the oil over every part of him, no part was missed. Even in death he had a quiet strength to him, that was his way, he was quiet, deeply personal. Much of what was seen in public was different than what he would show in private, he was not one for affection in public, but in private I never lacked for his affection or the look he had in his eyes to reveal his love or his passions and sometimes both. Not to mention the rare true anger over something I might do or say. Most times he allowed me free reign of my mouth when I needed to get it out, he understood that about me, that when furious I needed to get it out and that it would sound all wrong and my tongue could be like a sharp blade, and when was all said and done he would sit and talk with me about what I said and felt, guiding me to see some things differently and also supporting me and giving his thoughts.
The rare smile that was given in public was always seen in the privacy of our wagon, as my hands moved along his body letting it absorb the oil I remember many things, how he would hold me, of the new things we would explore not only mentally but physically, we had no walls, no barriers,we held nothing back from each other. And he never judged me for the things I knew and how I came to know them, in fact he rather enjoyed them. He never judged me when he learned my secrets. It did not make me less of a person or woman in his eyes it made me more because of the circumstances. The scars I bear upon my body never repulsed him, instead he was fascinated by how I got them. He told me they added to my beauty. He was a rare man, special and unique. Only one other outside of him came close to understanding me and knew how to deal with me and talk to me. Now both are gone.
I dressed him in his favorite clothing, I had made them for him long ago. Now he would take his journey in them. I placed his weapons in his hands and his amulet and arm band were replaced.His hair even in death was unruly and wild, our youngest son has his look. I had to laugh just a bit as it always gave him just a hint of a wild look, and in many ways he was. Maybe that is why he was able to mesh with me so well. He saw that untamed part of me and savored it, instead of trying to control it and crush it. He would at times on purposely provoke it.
I know soon I must do his pyre. To give him his final step into his journey. I just can't seem to do it. It was then I heard the old weathered voice of Chulun just outside the wagon. "You must keep the promise you made." I am not surprised that he knew of it. He is much older than I am and is able to do things with an ease that I have not yet mastered. I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Come, you must eat and bathe." It was then I noticed that I was still covered in blood. I was reluctant to leave his side, I did not want to, I wanted to stay, in truth I wanted to lay upon the pyre with him, and as if he knew Chulun lightly tapped my head not with his usual vigorous slap but enough to get my attention, " Remember your promise. " I would nod, I gave my word and when I give it, I keep it. Though it was only that I would not take my own life or let myself fall into that despair and walk the shadows, that was all I promised. I already knew what I would do.
As I left the wagon, Chulun stayed inside, he would sit with Garyx until my return, I knew then that the old spex was going to do something and I would go and clean up. Father sent lily to help me with anything I needed, at first I thought not to let her but she had a way about her that allowed for you to let her take care of you. She would braid my hair for me after I was finished, brushing out the long strands of ebony, I felt myself struggle with many emotions as she did this, once I dressed and left the bathing wagons I burned the clothing and sat by my fires. Lily brought me stew and bread, I ate a little of it, more or less forced myself.
I found myself unusually tired as I sat there, then it dawned on me suddenly that sneaky old spex had put something in the stew, I could not even get out the string of curses that would make a sailor blush out before my eyes were to heavy to hold open, I heard him chuckling as Ulric scooped me up and carried me inside, "It was the only way to ensure you got rest." I head Chulun say just as I fell into the beckoning arms of darkness into a dreamless sleep which is what they intended. "Damn interfering spex." I managed to mutter before it was lights out.
Ulric would place one of his men outside my wagon unknown to me. No one outside of the names he gave to the young warrior were allowed inside the wagon. He had strict orders. Lily would keep fire going and ensure things around the wagons were taken care of as I slept for what seemed an eternity when in truth it was thru the night and part way thru the next day. But it was needed.
Eventually, I finally moved and removed the bloody tattered clothing that clung to him and removed the arrows. I had sent a slave to bring me water and cloths then I dismissed her. I then began to gently bathe him and remove the grime and blood from him, once in a while my fingers would linger over a scar that adorned him, he was covered with not a part of him was unmarked and I knew every scar he bore and why, he had entrusted me with his deepest secrets and I kept them within me like a priceless treasure, for they were that. When a man trusts you, it says a lot. Even now the two smiley faces he bore from when I stitched him up were evident on the cold flesh, it has been a joke between us afterward, counting how many he would have before he grew old and died. The water was no longer clear when I finished, it was cloudy and sanguineous. I prepared the oils that I used for this purpose along with various herbs and other things that were sacred and prepared by the Haruspex clan .There is a reason our pyres consumed our loved ones so that no remains were left. Slowly my hands would begin with his face gently applying the oil over every part of him, no part was missed. Even in death he had a quiet strength to him, that was his way, he was quiet, deeply personal. Much of what was seen in public was different than what he would show in private, he was not one for affection in public, but in private I never lacked for his affection or the look he had in his eyes to reveal his love or his passions and sometimes both. Not to mention the rare true anger over something I might do or say. Most times he allowed me free reign of my mouth when I needed to get it out, he understood that about me, that when furious I needed to get it out and that it would sound all wrong and my tongue could be like a sharp blade, and when was all said and done he would sit and talk with me about what I said and felt, guiding me to see some things differently and also supporting me and giving his thoughts.
The rare smile that was given in public was always seen in the privacy of our wagon, as my hands moved along his body letting it absorb the oil I remember many things, how he would hold me, of the new things we would explore not only mentally but physically, we had no walls, no barriers,we held nothing back from each other. And he never judged me for the things I knew and how I came to know them, in fact he rather enjoyed them. He never judged me when he learned my secrets. It did not make me less of a person or woman in his eyes it made me more because of the circumstances. The scars I bear upon my body never repulsed him, instead he was fascinated by how I got them. He told me they added to my beauty. He was a rare man, special and unique. Only one other outside of him came close to understanding me and knew how to deal with me and talk to me. Now both are gone.
I dressed him in his favorite clothing, I had made them for him long ago. Now he would take his journey in them. I placed his weapons in his hands and his amulet and arm band were replaced.His hair even in death was unruly and wild, our youngest son has his look. I had to laugh just a bit as it always gave him just a hint of a wild look, and in many ways he was. Maybe that is why he was able to mesh with me so well. He saw that untamed part of me and savored it, instead of trying to control it and crush it. He would at times on purposely provoke it.
I know soon I must do his pyre. To give him his final step into his journey. I just can't seem to do it. It was then I heard the old weathered voice of Chulun just outside the wagon. "You must keep the promise you made." I am not surprised that he knew of it. He is much older than I am and is able to do things with an ease that I have not yet mastered. I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Come, you must eat and bathe." It was then I noticed that I was still covered in blood. I was reluctant to leave his side, I did not want to, I wanted to stay, in truth I wanted to lay upon the pyre with him, and as if he knew Chulun lightly tapped my head not with his usual vigorous slap but enough to get my attention, " Remember your promise. " I would nod, I gave my word and when I give it, I keep it. Though it was only that I would not take my own life or let myself fall into that despair and walk the shadows, that was all I promised. I already knew what I would do.
As I left the wagon, Chulun stayed inside, he would sit with Garyx until my return, I knew then that the old spex was going to do something and I would go and clean up. Father sent lily to help me with anything I needed, at first I thought not to let her but she had a way about her that allowed for you to let her take care of you. She would braid my hair for me after I was finished, brushing out the long strands of ebony, I felt myself struggle with many emotions as she did this, once I dressed and left the bathing wagons I burned the clothing and sat by my fires. Lily brought me stew and bread, I ate a little of it, more or less forced myself.
I found myself unusually tired as I sat there, then it dawned on me suddenly that sneaky old spex had put something in the stew, I could not even get out the string of curses that would make a sailor blush out before my eyes were to heavy to hold open, I heard him chuckling as Ulric scooped me up and carried me inside, "It was the only way to ensure you got rest." I head Chulun say just as I fell into the beckoning arms of darkness into a dreamless sleep which is what they intended. "Damn interfering spex." I managed to mutter before it was lights out.
Ulric would place one of his men outside my wagon unknown to me. No one outside of the names he gave to the young warrior were allowed inside the wagon. He had strict orders. Lily would keep fire going and ensure things around the wagons were taken care of as I slept for what seemed an eternity when in truth it was thru the night and part way thru the next day. But it was needed.
