I never ride with a saddle, I was not sure Mist Runner would even let me put one on him, but I will see, this is one time I hope the temperamental beast will cooperate with me. To my surprise he did, it will more than likely be the only time he will. I have packed everything I can think of, why ? Because I do not want to give up hope. Even if it is futile, there is a part of me that wars against what I know. And because I am stubborn like that, I never give up hope on anything or anyone. Well, almost never, there are one or two exceptions to this.
Before I go, I move quietly about the camp looking for my children, something that is not unusual, I found Hallie and Arkus racing each other doing their usual taunting of each other, for a moment I allowed myself to smile, their banter music to my ears. It was a tie, neither lost and yet both won for they learn something more important than winning or losing, it is how you play the game. I spoke to them both, though always honest with them I did skirt aside what I knew, I only told them that I had seen where Garyx lay, he was injured and needed me. This is true. I did not lie, I just not let them know what would happen before he was able to return to us. I asked Hallie to stay close to Cana and help her with the girls, I knew I didn't have to ask, she would do it without my asking. I think those two girls have a sister they don't know about, one that will assuredly teach them how to torment brothers and other things. She might be a little spit fire and full of spirit and fire, but she has always been a good daughter in the ways that are important. She always respects her elders and knows how to behave.
Arkus, I have asked him to keep an eye on Hallie and the youngest son when he is not busy with his clan and his lessons from his mentor. He placed a hand on my shoulder,and assured me that he would take care of them I had nothing to worry of on that, he would let Falon and others know that I had to ride out for a day or two and would be returning with Garyx. He has grown into a man without me realizing it. I saw that twinkle in his eyes before he grinned as he told me that it would give him a chance to take Cana from Ba'atar, that made me chuckle, for when he was but a boy he said that and now he said it with humor because it was fun to do so. I know full well he has discovered women, there are some things a mother should just not hear of her children. But, at least the slaves that speak seem to say good things.
The youngest son will be at the clan fires, I know that Chulunn and the other Haruspex will keep an eye on him. I am not worried, but I do not like to leave without leaving word. I rarely do so, only one time have I done such, I will not this time, I have ensured that my children will let Ba'atar and Cana and a few others know of what I am doing.
With that done I return to my wagons and mount Mist Runner and pause to let myself figure out which direction to go. I ride as fast and as hard as I can make my kailla go, I cant waste any time, there is no time, it is at the moment not an ally. But then again, is it ever. As I ride I feel the light touch of the drizzle of rain, it was light but yet it was steady, along the ground I could see light film of mist swirl and float rising slowly upward, it to is not heavy but thin like a sheer veil, hazy but yet you can see. I try not to think as I ride, but I cant push down the feelings and emotions that fluctuate thru me, I feel the sorrow wrap about me the closer I ride to my destination, how far it is I do not know, but I feel that acute pain of loss in a way I have not felt in many, many turnings. I almost surrendered to the shadows when Lochley died, how would I stop myself from joining Garyx on his journey and did I want to. If I answered that right now I would say I did not, that I would follow him, in fact I even knew how to make it happen without taking my own life.
These thoughts would dance a tango with the other emotions that settled into my heart, it felt as if a piece of me was cut out, I can't do this I thought to myself, I cant get thru this, and as I thought of this I felt my eyes water, my breath seems to catch and the trembling of my body as I felt myself give into the tears and cry. I tried to stop it but I couldn't, my head throbbed with the effect of these emotions and my nose began to run. I could not give in to this, not now. I needed to be strong, I couldn't be weak, he would need me. I wiped my hand across my eyes and face erasing the emotions, or at least trying to. "Get it together Tarra," I would mutter to myself.
The advantage of riding out here alone is no one can stop me from what I plan to do. Although I had a feeling that my children would ensure I was not alone, I had the distinct feeling that someone was behind me, following me, I was not yet sure who, I knew who it wasn't because my children would not risk getting skinned alive.
I felt a sigh escape my lips, alright someone or something was against my plans and fixing to mess them up. I looked at the sky, and muttered softly. "You are not amusing." I swear I could almost hear a multitudes of laughter echoing.
Before I go, I move quietly about the camp looking for my children, something that is not unusual, I found Hallie and Arkus racing each other doing their usual taunting of each other, for a moment I allowed myself to smile, their banter music to my ears. It was a tie, neither lost and yet both won for they learn something more important than winning or losing, it is how you play the game. I spoke to them both, though always honest with them I did skirt aside what I knew, I only told them that I had seen where Garyx lay, he was injured and needed me. This is true. I did not lie, I just not let them know what would happen before he was able to return to us. I asked Hallie to stay close to Cana and help her with the girls, I knew I didn't have to ask, she would do it without my asking. I think those two girls have a sister they don't know about, one that will assuredly teach them how to torment brothers and other things. She might be a little spit fire and full of spirit and fire, but she has always been a good daughter in the ways that are important. She always respects her elders and knows how to behave.
Arkus, I have asked him to keep an eye on Hallie and the youngest son when he is not busy with his clan and his lessons from his mentor. He placed a hand on my shoulder,and assured me that he would take care of them I had nothing to worry of on that, he would let Falon and others know that I had to ride out for a day or two and would be returning with Garyx. He has grown into a man without me realizing it. I saw that twinkle in his eyes before he grinned as he told me that it would give him a chance to take Cana from Ba'atar, that made me chuckle, for when he was but a boy he said that and now he said it with humor because it was fun to do so. I know full well he has discovered women, there are some things a mother should just not hear of her children. But, at least the slaves that speak seem to say good things.
The youngest son will be at the clan fires, I know that Chulunn and the other Haruspex will keep an eye on him. I am not worried, but I do not like to leave without leaving word. I rarely do so, only one time have I done such, I will not this time, I have ensured that my children will let Ba'atar and Cana and a few others know of what I am doing.
With that done I return to my wagons and mount Mist Runner and pause to let myself figure out which direction to go. I ride as fast and as hard as I can make my kailla go, I cant waste any time, there is no time, it is at the moment not an ally. But then again, is it ever. As I ride I feel the light touch of the drizzle of rain, it was light but yet it was steady, along the ground I could see light film of mist swirl and float rising slowly upward, it to is not heavy but thin like a sheer veil, hazy but yet you can see. I try not to think as I ride, but I cant push down the feelings and emotions that fluctuate thru me, I feel the sorrow wrap about me the closer I ride to my destination, how far it is I do not know, but I feel that acute pain of loss in a way I have not felt in many, many turnings. I almost surrendered to the shadows when Lochley died, how would I stop myself from joining Garyx on his journey and did I want to. If I answered that right now I would say I did not, that I would follow him, in fact I even knew how to make it happen without taking my own life.
These thoughts would dance a tango with the other emotions that settled into my heart, it felt as if a piece of me was cut out, I can't do this I thought to myself, I cant get thru this, and as I thought of this I felt my eyes water, my breath seems to catch and the trembling of my body as I felt myself give into the tears and cry. I tried to stop it but I couldn't, my head throbbed with the effect of these emotions and my nose began to run. I could not give in to this, not now. I needed to be strong, I couldn't be weak, he would need me. I wiped my hand across my eyes and face erasing the emotions, or at least trying to. "Get it together Tarra," I would mutter to myself.
The advantage of riding out here alone is no one can stop me from what I plan to do. Although I had a feeling that my children would ensure I was not alone, I had the distinct feeling that someone was behind me, following me, I was not yet sure who, I knew who it wasn't because my children would not risk getting skinned alive.
I felt a sigh escape my lips, alright someone or something was against my plans and fixing to mess them up. I looked at the sky, and muttered softly. "You are not amusing." I swear I could almost hear a multitudes of laughter echoing.
