When you look out over the vastness of the plains, you can see that it seems to go on and on as if never ending, in truth we know that eventually you run into the vermin filled cities, the land of dwellers if you go to far. I know those places all to well. I learned much within them, saw much within them. I sometimes chuckle because a few of our own that leave give the impression we are a narrowed minded people with no ability to see beyond what is around us. And those that live in cities, think we are simpletons lacking education and knowledge. That I have found is never true. We appreciate what we have and what we are given we have riches and bounty right here upon the plains. That does not make us narrow minded.
If following our traditions as they were meant to be and not by how they have become polluted that we are. Then I would rather remain as such. If holding a person to their word, which is binding by our standards. Then I will remain such. If remaining true to myself both the good and bad and in the face of good and bad then I will remain so. If living as if part of the plains and being thankful for all that is given and taken, then I will remain so. I can say with absolute honesty that the ways of dwellers hold no appeal because they lack the ability to understand the skies, the grass, the water, the bosk and the plains itself. If I had to choose between being narrow minded or weak and dysfunctional. I know what I would choose.
But it is my thought we of the plains are not such. We just value different things and hold a person to them.
I think of this as I stand watching the grasses sway back and forth in the gentle caress of the morning breeze. I have watched many footsteps come and go. And I have watched many shed blood and take their journey to the skies. It is all there painted in a colorful tapestry over the plains, every tear shed, drop of blood shed,every laugh that echoed over the plains and every sorrowful cry carried upward to the skies. The plains has held every emotion that a human can think to know and experience, the plains has given us strength and life. There is a beauty to it that is often missed, the subtle muted colors of the morning , the fragrances that hang heavy in the air, they sounds of every living thing weaves to form the ambrosia of life. I think sometimes we overlook these things that are truly the ambiance of who and what we are. It is easy to forget to pause and just look around to appreciate the people in our life's and the richness of the plains.
Even here in this moment of tranquility I feel uneasy I have felt it for some time, but it is not taken seriously, my thoughts and knowledge are pushed aside to feed into male testosterone, after all I am only a woman what do I know. From what Ba'atar said Ayguili has not mentioned the discussion we had regarding the area where we found the arrow, of the things we have noticed for a few hands. I am guessing that there has been something of importance that sidetracked him from speaking with him on it. I did not say anything, it would mean more coming from the warrior. Besides it was more or less made clear that what I was going to share was not important. Because I am a woman, well that I know, have known for the past ninety something envars, tell me something I don't know. But, to have it tossed at me in a cavalier manner, well, now that is a kaiila of a different color. I got the message and I remained quiet, I know a lot but I am remaining silent, what I see I do not speak of. It would not matter it only falls on deaf ears. So I have made a plan.. I am going out to look for Garyx. I know who is out there, and this time I will find her myself. I know what has happened. I saw it when I walked to the spot that Ba'atar is taking as an omen to move the wagons. I think it unwise but it was not me he spoke to of it. The attitudes and things shown revealed a lot to me, I got that message to. Strange how things change because a man is near, it is as if my wisdom and experience ceases to exist. I think there was a time I would be insulted and upset over it. But it has little impact when you look at it as if detached and from a distance. Youth has to learn things on their own. I will be the fool by the fire like a trophy. Look pretty, say nothing. I got that. I can play that part.
I do know he is wrong, and I have a bad feeling of what will happen if he moves the wagons, it was not naturally done. But let them figure it out on their own, I do know that Fonce and others will not be able to completely figure it out, because there is much not known and he has no way to go against the one that is out there, the one that is there, is beyond what even the elders have ever dealt with,we have sat in counsel a few nights speaking of what we have seen, it will take more than one. But again, what do I know, I am a woman. Maybe I should stay at my fires, barefoot,pregnant and cooking and looking all soft and feminine and speak as if I am addled in the head and cant put two words together. I will not move my wagons, nor will many of the elders of the clan. Even the clan leader cannot force us when we know what we know. You can't force a spex to go against what they see and feel. I would take death or punishment over going against what I see. But let them figure it out. I know nothing.
Though I will admit that I do resent the fact that youth is chosen over age and wisdom in some things. Simply because one is a man and one is not. But that is how it is, the hand has been shown. Perhaps that is why I simply am not involved in things as I once was. Perhaps I prepare for a journey that I may not come back from, or come back from completely stripped of heart and soul. I know that I have slowly begun to not really care of things or people, I feel myself sliding back into the path of the past. To live in that isolated, cold place where I simply live, breathe and walk, I know why. I once resided there before over thirty turnings ago.A part of me has been taken, the shadows have taken something that gave me a reason to care. This time there are no young children to stop that perilous descent. If I barely survived then, how will I now resist that path.
I have seen death near the wagons, I could not walk past a certain point where they wish to move the wagons. The pain that shot thru my body felt as if blades sliced me from head to toe, painful enough that I fell to my knees unable to catch my breath, I saw blood. Then I remembered the blood on the moon, I could not breathe, as I caught the scent of death, it was heavy and it was tangible, and it was coming, it was nearer than anyone knew. Already warriors have been claimed it was just not yet known. Father was riding into deaths carnage, I knew he would be fine. The shadows did not call his name. I saw those who would be taken, I wanted to run and close my eyes. I wanted to reach out and stop it, but I could not move and I could not speak. The viscosity of it was suffocating me, I felt as if something siphoned my blood from me leaving me cold and looking at my hands they looked like the lifeless corpses I could see.But, yet I knew I was not there among them. Before I could glimpse more. It was suddenly gone.
I felt someone or something touch my arm , I do not know, I could not look. But whoever or whatever it was , was talking to me but it was from a distance. I could hear my name, almost as if it were a question. For a moment I could not recognize the voice. I kept telling myself to control the emotions. Control everything. It was the first time I felt that control slipping. What happens if that control slips?
I kept hearing someone's voice, what were they saying ?
I wanted to tell them to be quiet . I was trying to remember to breathe. . to focus..
Oh the hell with it, I finally gave up on that.. it wasn't going to work
If following our traditions as they were meant to be and not by how they have become polluted that we are. Then I would rather remain as such. If holding a person to their word, which is binding by our standards. Then I will remain such. If remaining true to myself both the good and bad and in the face of good and bad then I will remain so. If living as if part of the plains and being thankful for all that is given and taken, then I will remain so. I can say with absolute honesty that the ways of dwellers hold no appeal because they lack the ability to understand the skies, the grass, the water, the bosk and the plains itself. If I had to choose between being narrow minded or weak and dysfunctional. I know what I would choose.
But it is my thought we of the plains are not such. We just value different things and hold a person to them.
I think of this as I stand watching the grasses sway back and forth in the gentle caress of the morning breeze. I have watched many footsteps come and go. And I have watched many shed blood and take their journey to the skies. It is all there painted in a colorful tapestry over the plains, every tear shed, drop of blood shed,every laugh that echoed over the plains and every sorrowful cry carried upward to the skies. The plains has held every emotion that a human can think to know and experience, the plains has given us strength and life. There is a beauty to it that is often missed, the subtle muted colors of the morning , the fragrances that hang heavy in the air, they sounds of every living thing weaves to form the ambrosia of life. I think sometimes we overlook these things that are truly the ambiance of who and what we are. It is easy to forget to pause and just look around to appreciate the people in our life's and the richness of the plains.
Even here in this moment of tranquility I feel uneasy I have felt it for some time, but it is not taken seriously, my thoughts and knowledge are pushed aside to feed into male testosterone, after all I am only a woman what do I know. From what Ba'atar said Ayguili has not mentioned the discussion we had regarding the area where we found the arrow, of the things we have noticed for a few hands. I am guessing that there has been something of importance that sidetracked him from speaking with him on it. I did not say anything, it would mean more coming from the warrior. Besides it was more or less made clear that what I was going to share was not important. Because I am a woman, well that I know, have known for the past ninety something envars, tell me something I don't know. But, to have it tossed at me in a cavalier manner, well, now that is a kaiila of a different color. I got the message and I remained quiet, I know a lot but I am remaining silent, what I see I do not speak of. It would not matter it only falls on deaf ears. So I have made a plan.. I am going out to look for Garyx. I know who is out there, and this time I will find her myself. I know what has happened. I saw it when I walked to the spot that Ba'atar is taking as an omen to move the wagons. I think it unwise but it was not me he spoke to of it. The attitudes and things shown revealed a lot to me, I got that message to. Strange how things change because a man is near, it is as if my wisdom and experience ceases to exist. I think there was a time I would be insulted and upset over it. But it has little impact when you look at it as if detached and from a distance. Youth has to learn things on their own. I will be the fool by the fire like a trophy. Look pretty, say nothing. I got that. I can play that part.
I do know he is wrong, and I have a bad feeling of what will happen if he moves the wagons, it was not naturally done. But let them figure it out on their own, I do know that Fonce and others will not be able to completely figure it out, because there is much not known and he has no way to go against the one that is out there, the one that is there, is beyond what even the elders have ever dealt with,we have sat in counsel a few nights speaking of what we have seen, it will take more than one. But again, what do I know, I am a woman. Maybe I should stay at my fires, barefoot,pregnant and cooking and looking all soft and feminine and speak as if I am addled in the head and cant put two words together. I will not move my wagons, nor will many of the elders of the clan. Even the clan leader cannot force us when we know what we know. You can't force a spex to go against what they see and feel. I would take death or punishment over going against what I see. But let them figure it out. I know nothing.
Though I will admit that I do resent the fact that youth is chosen over age and wisdom in some things. Simply because one is a man and one is not. But that is how it is, the hand has been shown. Perhaps that is why I simply am not involved in things as I once was. Perhaps I prepare for a journey that I may not come back from, or come back from completely stripped of heart and soul. I know that I have slowly begun to not really care of things or people, I feel myself sliding back into the path of the past. To live in that isolated, cold place where I simply live, breathe and walk, I know why. I once resided there before over thirty turnings ago.A part of me has been taken, the shadows have taken something that gave me a reason to care. This time there are no young children to stop that perilous descent. If I barely survived then, how will I now resist that path.
I have seen death near the wagons, I could not walk past a certain point where they wish to move the wagons. The pain that shot thru my body felt as if blades sliced me from head to toe, painful enough that I fell to my knees unable to catch my breath, I saw blood. Then I remembered the blood on the moon, I could not breathe, as I caught the scent of death, it was heavy and it was tangible, and it was coming, it was nearer than anyone knew. Already warriors have been claimed it was just not yet known. Father was riding into deaths carnage, I knew he would be fine. The shadows did not call his name. I saw those who would be taken, I wanted to run and close my eyes. I wanted to reach out and stop it, but I could not move and I could not speak. The viscosity of it was suffocating me, I felt as if something siphoned my blood from me leaving me cold and looking at my hands they looked like the lifeless corpses I could see.But, yet I knew I was not there among them. Before I could glimpse more. It was suddenly gone.
I felt someone or something touch my arm , I do not know, I could not look. But whoever or whatever it was , was talking to me but it was from a distance. I could hear my name, almost as if it were a question. For a moment I could not recognize the voice. I kept telling myself to control the emotions. Control everything. It was the first time I felt that control slipping. What happens if that control slips?
I kept hearing someone's voice, what were they saying ?
I wanted to tell them to be quiet . I was trying to remember to breathe. . to focus..
Oh the hell with it, I finally gave up on that.. it wasn't going to work
