I watched as the skies darkened with each passing ahn, if you watch closely you can see the shades of black that roll within each other, tumbling and turning as if never ending. Makes you wonder if you could touch it would it be velvety soft as it looks or would it be light and cool surrounding you in an never ending length of ebony. There is a beauty in the night that is often missed.
If you watch the rays of moonlight splash upon the ground you can see various manner of animals scurrying about taking care of their lives in order to survive. There is a simplicity to their life. Some of them form a close knit hierarchy in which they depend upon each other for survival and they take care of their young and yet others do not, they are loners isolated and have their young and then leave them to survive, I find that I can be captivated by the simplest things in life. There are everyday things that take place in nature that I never find boring. I think sometimes this is my saving grace, these things of nature that reach out and grasp me and hold me in an almost mesmerizing gaze, as if trying to show me something and tell me something, if I listen and watch long enough I see it and hear it.
Life is always changing and evolving just as people do. We are never the same one day to the next, there is always a shift of thought and energy, out heart rate varies from one moment as does the breath we take. Nothing in our lives is certain. I have lost count how many changes have occurred in not only my own but those around me. Within the tribe. I have watched dreams reached and dreams shattered. I have watched some reach the greatest of joys and have been honored to be a part of such and yet I have seen the deepest of sorrows explored and also been there to lend a shoulder to cry on or listen to. I have seen trust formed and trust broken. I have seen promises kept and others betray those closest to them. I have watched a kind word lift someone up when they thought they would fail and yet I have seen a harsh word break people. I have seen some rise to the challenge of earning their way among us and I have seen others tuck tail and run. I have seen the brave and the cowardly. I have seen those loyal and those disloyal. I have seen some find love that is strong and solid and yet others lose it before they could grasp it. So many things woven within the tribe that I could sit for ahns and think upon all the events and emotions and thoughts that create a web of life. Sometimes that web is so strong nothing could sever or break it and yet other times it has become so unraveled and frail that I have had to wonder what has kept it together. I have seen some weave the subtle rivers of lies and manipulations to destroy relationships and people and even the tribe. And yet I have seen others stand tall and proud thru these storms. Some misjudge based on only partial truths and assumptions. They make decisions based on these. Some will react and some will not. Life is always about what you chose. It is never easy for anyone, or what is so insignificant to one person can mean the entire world to another. The tribe survives because of heart. Those that reside and survive have heart and soul. That is why we never ever completely fall, we stumble, we falter but we pick ourselves up and brush ourselves off and keep on going. Because in addition to that. There is courage. It is easier to feel sorry and pity for ourselves and stop living and stop trying to be more than we think we can be than it is to face whatever life has in store. It is harder to truly live.
There are times I wish to remain silent and other times I wish to fillet someone from navel to nose with my words. And even at times with a blade just to prove I can do it. Simply because I can, no other reason. Sometimes I just want to rip the jugular out and watch them squirm and bleed. And other times I want to wrap some in protective gauze and protect them from all manner of atrocities. There are a few I would quickly and easily kill for and not blink an eye. Others I would have to really think about if I would do such for. I sometimes find myself questioning life, people and myself. I often ask why. Sometimes there is no answer. It just is. No one person can be defined by a single word or event. Each one is multifaceted. A diamond in the rough and eventually they will shine and glimmer and be stronger than any one ever thought. I do like when people can surprise me by not giving up and by fighting to be who they are. To me it is a treasure to behold. Rare and beautiful to see that dawning upon them. No jewel can compare to that glow when they burn with the pride of accomplishing it.
My youngest son came up along side me as I watched the sky. For some time he was silent, he has his fathers vibrant green eyes and his quiet, steady away. He is a lot like his father, and yet he has my ways. He asked if I was alright, I could have lied, but he would have known. Spex cannot lie to each other it is impossible. So I answered truthfully, I did not know. He spoke of various things that he has seen and felt. I listened, he is so young and has much yet to learn. I reminded him of the basic lessons I have taught him the ones he thought were useless and silly. A common reaction of the young, these were designed to guide him and ground him, and before I could say more he would chuckle. "I know Mother, without a strong foundation to build upon all that I do will collapse and fall apart." I had to smile, knowing how often I had to tell him that. But I think now he was beginning to understand why, he was beginning to see the value of the exercises that I have been teaching him. Eventually, they do begin to understand when they have to put into practice these lessons. Those of the haruspex that have been taught these things by me are far better able to handle all the changes that eventually begin and are able to withstand the influx of energy and other various things. They do not collapse and have a hard time as those that have not been taught the simple basics of our ways. I only teach those that come to me that desire it. I do not waste my time by those who seek only to be sluts and by those who are power hungry. That is not what we are about. We never have been, that is not to say we do not have ways that are sensual and beautiful. But those are things not revealed to often and never outside of the clan are certain things shown or revealed. Oaths and secrecy have a great sacredness to them. Much depends upon these things.
I gave my son a few things to prepare for me, things that must be done for a specific purpose and way. I have not explained to him. Nor will I, this is one time he must follow what is in his heart. Which is why I gave him this task. Once he left I nudged Mist Runner and began to ride over the plains, not in a casual, slumberous cantor but with a force and speed that was like a wave of thunder flowing across the plains, all I could hear was the rhythm of his hooves upon the ground, all I could feel was the cold caress of the winds, I wanted to purge out all the images and thoughts that dwelled within my mind. I was utilizing specific elements. To know. To be silent. I embraced them, I drowned within them. And when I slowed I allowed myself to rise from them. There is a unique feeling that for a moment allows me feel absolutely nothing, only a sensation of being weightless and light. Drawing in a breath I found myself once more myself.
Some think me so strong, but do they realize that even a stone cracks and crumbles after enough punishment from all that strikes them. I do not think I have the strength in me any more, I do not think I have what it takes to make it thru what awaits me. If I falter this time I am not sure I can stand back up again. "Yes, you can." I heard whispered about me. I almost smiled as I recognized the voice.
I would sit out there in the middle of the plains for many ahns. Silent and unmoving, allowing myself to just be a part of the plains, melting within its every curve and crevice, swallowed up by the all encompassing infinity of the plains. There is nothing like it, as it brings comfort,stability and clarity. I am a part of the plains. It is my lifesaver.
It is my strength.
It is me. And I am it.
If you watch the rays of moonlight splash upon the ground you can see various manner of animals scurrying about taking care of their lives in order to survive. There is a simplicity to their life. Some of them form a close knit hierarchy in which they depend upon each other for survival and they take care of their young and yet others do not, they are loners isolated and have their young and then leave them to survive, I find that I can be captivated by the simplest things in life. There are everyday things that take place in nature that I never find boring. I think sometimes this is my saving grace, these things of nature that reach out and grasp me and hold me in an almost mesmerizing gaze, as if trying to show me something and tell me something, if I listen and watch long enough I see it and hear it.
Life is always changing and evolving just as people do. We are never the same one day to the next, there is always a shift of thought and energy, out heart rate varies from one moment as does the breath we take. Nothing in our lives is certain. I have lost count how many changes have occurred in not only my own but those around me. Within the tribe. I have watched dreams reached and dreams shattered. I have watched some reach the greatest of joys and have been honored to be a part of such and yet I have seen the deepest of sorrows explored and also been there to lend a shoulder to cry on or listen to. I have seen trust formed and trust broken. I have seen promises kept and others betray those closest to them. I have watched a kind word lift someone up when they thought they would fail and yet I have seen a harsh word break people. I have seen some rise to the challenge of earning their way among us and I have seen others tuck tail and run. I have seen the brave and the cowardly. I have seen those loyal and those disloyal. I have seen some find love that is strong and solid and yet others lose it before they could grasp it. So many things woven within the tribe that I could sit for ahns and think upon all the events and emotions and thoughts that create a web of life. Sometimes that web is so strong nothing could sever or break it and yet other times it has become so unraveled and frail that I have had to wonder what has kept it together. I have seen some weave the subtle rivers of lies and manipulations to destroy relationships and people and even the tribe. And yet I have seen others stand tall and proud thru these storms. Some misjudge based on only partial truths and assumptions. They make decisions based on these. Some will react and some will not. Life is always about what you chose. It is never easy for anyone, or what is so insignificant to one person can mean the entire world to another. The tribe survives because of heart. Those that reside and survive have heart and soul. That is why we never ever completely fall, we stumble, we falter but we pick ourselves up and brush ourselves off and keep on going. Because in addition to that. There is courage. It is easier to feel sorry and pity for ourselves and stop living and stop trying to be more than we think we can be than it is to face whatever life has in store. It is harder to truly live.
There are times I wish to remain silent and other times I wish to fillet someone from navel to nose with my words. And even at times with a blade just to prove I can do it. Simply because I can, no other reason. Sometimes I just want to rip the jugular out and watch them squirm and bleed. And other times I want to wrap some in protective gauze and protect them from all manner of atrocities. There are a few I would quickly and easily kill for and not blink an eye. Others I would have to really think about if I would do such for. I sometimes find myself questioning life, people and myself. I often ask why. Sometimes there is no answer. It just is. No one person can be defined by a single word or event. Each one is multifaceted. A diamond in the rough and eventually they will shine and glimmer and be stronger than any one ever thought. I do like when people can surprise me by not giving up and by fighting to be who they are. To me it is a treasure to behold. Rare and beautiful to see that dawning upon them. No jewel can compare to that glow when they burn with the pride of accomplishing it.
My youngest son came up along side me as I watched the sky. For some time he was silent, he has his fathers vibrant green eyes and his quiet, steady away. He is a lot like his father, and yet he has my ways. He asked if I was alright, I could have lied, but he would have known. Spex cannot lie to each other it is impossible. So I answered truthfully, I did not know. He spoke of various things that he has seen and felt. I listened, he is so young and has much yet to learn. I reminded him of the basic lessons I have taught him the ones he thought were useless and silly. A common reaction of the young, these were designed to guide him and ground him, and before I could say more he would chuckle. "I know Mother, without a strong foundation to build upon all that I do will collapse and fall apart." I had to smile, knowing how often I had to tell him that. But I think now he was beginning to understand why, he was beginning to see the value of the exercises that I have been teaching him. Eventually, they do begin to understand when they have to put into practice these lessons. Those of the haruspex that have been taught these things by me are far better able to handle all the changes that eventually begin and are able to withstand the influx of energy and other various things. They do not collapse and have a hard time as those that have not been taught the simple basics of our ways. I only teach those that come to me that desire it. I do not waste my time by those who seek only to be sluts and by those who are power hungry. That is not what we are about. We never have been, that is not to say we do not have ways that are sensual and beautiful. But those are things not revealed to often and never outside of the clan are certain things shown or revealed. Oaths and secrecy have a great sacredness to them. Much depends upon these things.
I gave my son a few things to prepare for me, things that must be done for a specific purpose and way. I have not explained to him. Nor will I, this is one time he must follow what is in his heart. Which is why I gave him this task. Once he left I nudged Mist Runner and began to ride over the plains, not in a casual, slumberous cantor but with a force and speed that was like a wave of thunder flowing across the plains, all I could hear was the rhythm of his hooves upon the ground, all I could feel was the cold caress of the winds, I wanted to purge out all the images and thoughts that dwelled within my mind. I was utilizing specific elements. To know. To be silent. I embraced them, I drowned within them. And when I slowed I allowed myself to rise from them. There is a unique feeling that for a moment allows me feel absolutely nothing, only a sensation of being weightless and light. Drawing in a breath I found myself once more myself.
Some think me so strong, but do they realize that even a stone cracks and crumbles after enough punishment from all that strikes them. I do not think I have the strength in me any more, I do not think I have what it takes to make it thru what awaits me. If I falter this time I am not sure I can stand back up again. "Yes, you can." I heard whispered about me. I almost smiled as I recognized the voice.
I would sit out there in the middle of the plains for many ahns. Silent and unmoving, allowing myself to just be a part of the plains, melting within its every curve and crevice, swallowed up by the all encompassing infinity of the plains. There is nothing like it, as it brings comfort,stability and clarity. I am a part of the plains. It is my lifesaver.
It is my strength.
It is me. And I am it.
