A few days have passed and I have to admit to being very much amused by people. Not that I am surprised I actually have been waiting for various things to be said and done. And I am not disappointed. For people are predictable for the most part.
I have noticed a change in a few that are in some subtle and others more obvious, the reason is rather clear, as I watch those that have not spoken to anyone in several hands suddenly be more available and around,the reason is clear and it is not hard to guess what is spoken of, it is a well worn pattern that is familiar and known, although the one that listens does not really grasp the reality of things, and feels that they hold the answers to the fix, but truth is there is no fix, because all avenues have been exhausted in trying to render the aid needed on many levels, eventually this will be shown once more as it has time after time. Just some of us have grown tired of trying and guiding, there comes a point in a persons life when you accept you can't help them and that no matter how long you listen, how often you teach and guide in the end it means nothing , because such a person will turn on a coin when something is given that they want to hear and believe because it is easier to follow what you want versus following the truth and accepting things, sometimes a person walks a path that their heart is not in, it is the wrong path but they do not want others to see past the facade of this path to reveal what their true heart is and what path they should be on, because if the illusion falls and the truth is revealed then it makes them and others look like they have lied not only to themselves but others. And what does this make such a person? Such people are not able to be responsible for their own actions. It is easy to be swayed by the thoughts of others with ill thought intentions. And it is easier to blame others and embrace negative thoughts and emotions.
And just like the accuracy of the rise and set of the moons those that have been missing for a few turnings suddenly step from the shadows as if never gone. It is interesting the tales they create to explain why they to have been gone for three turnings. My amusement however has turned to disappointment, how can those of the outer wagons abandon the people and suddenly return? And the fact that Cana treats one like a sister just blows my mind. Considering I have seen how she has treated other prospects, why is it only a select few are given special treatment. I saw all I needed to today. If you welcome one back you then have to all and that would include those of tribe that abandoned the people for various reasons, and any prospect that has not been seen for over three turnings or more, and each can come up with a valid reason to have been gone. Be assured of that. I had to leave before I said something at the main fires I should not. If this is what Ba'atar and Cana have decided then that is up to them, I may not publicly go against this, but I do not have to be around the ones that clearly do not know what commitment to tribe is. How could I trust someone like that at my back, of those of the tribe or those of my family. I can't. I would trust a dweller before I would one like this. No matter what the reasons anyone that has been gone for so long should be held more accountable, regardless of who they are. I can only shake my head, I saw all I needed to today. It is my way of thinking that this one should have been made to prove herself more and made clear to her what she did, but instead she is hugged and whispered to like a long lost daughter. I do know this much, Hallena will not be near that prospect, I do not trust her near my daughter or anyone else, but I have no say in others but I do when it comes to my children. Nor will she learn anything from her. I saw much clearly today. Once in a while even I am momentarily blind overlook what has always been there. That is my own fault, I let emotion blind me.
There is a ripple of something flowing thru the tribe, and I am not yet sure what I truly think of it I do not speak of it. In fact I do not speak of my thoughts to anyone, even though it seems that it has been said I have. Strange isn't it when I have not. This is even more amusing as I watch and listen. This ripple was expected and so it has no impact on anyone, because if it had not been occurring I think most of us would be concerned. Just as it was expected that there would be whispers between people, questions asked, thoughts expressed. Some with good hearts and some with manipulations that are self serving because of what they think or hope they will gain. For now it is something you observe and wait to see how long it lasts and what will yet be brought forth and revealed.
Just as I have yet to figure out why some seem to think there will be a reason to make a choice, sorry, I do not agree with this nor do I agree with any division occurring. I doubt anyone is worried of this other than a few who have been held accountable for their actions ,when for so long they were not forced to and a few who have not gotten what they wanted. Bottom line is this, this tribe is once more Tuchuk, and it is proving itself to the rest of Gor that it is not a tribe of dwellers nor is it a tribe to be laughed about. We are strong, fierce and proud. And we will remain so. Those that seek to go back to what was, then it is my thought that you serve only yourself and not this tribe. I sit back waiting to see the sudden influx of slaves and appearance of others that are conviently molded into what they think is wanted or needed. Yes, this amuses me. Just as it amuses me that some things do not change. Nor do some people. Though one or two I am surprised at. But then again am I really.
I have kept my distance from much of this on purpose, simply because I have no desire to be drawn into drama that has no merit to it. People are predictable no matter who they are. Things will be said and one for various purposes. I do not desire to be involved in such things those days have been long gone. There are more important things in life to focus on.
Just as I do not get involved in the laments of people who secretly desire attention even when they say they do not. I have seen words spoken and actions not matching so do I believe the words of a few. Not likely but I listen with an open mind gleaning from the subtle nuances things that say more than what is actually said. If words and actions do not match, then the person is not true to themselves or anyone else. And if everyone else is wrong and you are the only one right. Then that reveals that something is also not right. These are basic building blocks of life.
Life changes, life is not fair, the skies give and the skies take on a whim. Anyone who has lived beyond the age of thirty seasons could tell you that the skies have a very warped sense of humor. It is how you deal with what you are being given that builds and strengthens you. Even in the midst of the worst of life something is being given it is a matter do you have what it takes to look for it, or is it easier just to focus on what has been taken. Sometimes you are given things only to have them taken away to be redirected on a different path. For you were never to be what you thought you were. You have to find your true self in order to know what path you are to be on, if you cannot let go of the "I", "mine," "me." then you can never grow into who you are.
I think my eyes have been opened today. A shame I did not see things more clearly before. I am only foolish once. And yet I am thankful. At least now I will get much done within my own wagons and I think I will take on more students that will occupy much of my time. Though was that a headache I really wanted. Father and Ayguili will ensure Ba'atar gets the information on the arrow. And I know that he will do what is needed given where the arrow came from. Of that I am not worried of. After all Tribe is what is important.
