( The following posts are not written by Tarra as most are. They are more of just my writings of things going on. Due to my unplanned absence due to some things in rt, a bit of a sl has been created around it. So please bear with the change until I catch up in posts, and feel free to interact with the story that we are going to add to the charries, as there are a few that would be affected.)
The days and nights seemed to flow into one another with a liquid fluidity of an endless winding path like the river, as she kept busy with clan work and work around the wagons. Though it seemed as if something had been stealing her strength and making her feel rather odd. Something was not right but what she could not quite place and really had not had the time to dwell on it. Garyx had been out with men away from the camp on a lengthy patrol. It seemed to her that the absences seemed to grow more longer and more frequent. But again she did not let her thoughts linger on this as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, strange that she would feel so warm. Perhaps she should rest. But she didn't, she had this habit of working herself into exhaustion when something bothered her or when she spent to much time alone. It was her therapy in a manner of speaking,she couldn't confide her thoughts to anyone. A few she had thought she could trust she learned quick she could not, so she did not allow the vulnerable sides of herself be seen or shared. She had a few hides that she would send over to the leather workers and some bone needles and sinews to send over to the healers. And various items that the artisans could use. Arkus had been spending much time with the warriors of the tribe and he seemed to be realizing many things that he had to let go that were of the lingering child and grasp the new ways of a young budding warrior. She knew it was not easy for him, and there was nothing she could do to help him. She could only be there for him when he needed her. It was never easy to pull back as a mother and not suffocate him and try to protect him from all harm, pick him up when he fell. He had to learn to be a man. This was just the beginning for him, as many times as she has had to watch this and go thru it. It was never easy. It was not something you ever got used to, watching them grow and step into their own.
Hallena was working around the wagons helping with a few of her chores, though her mood, the moping and attitude was grating on Tarra's last nerve and she had just about enough, why she wasn't out with the clan working and learning had her curious and when Hallena's mouth went just beyond that step that was respectful and acceptable, Tarra put down what she was doing and put one hand on her hip and in that tone that only a mother could use to get the attention of a wayward child, and a look that could cut right thru you she asked her what her malfunction today was. Teenagers don't usually need a reason for mood fluctuations they just seem to ride that wave of hormones with a skill that just about drives a parent insane. The shifts are lightening quick and you never know what they will do or are thinking, its like blades clash together in their brains slicing away any logical or intelligent thought at times.
Though her answer was unexpected, as it all tumbled out what she thought and what she had spoken of to others. and it took Tarra back a step or two before she finally lost her temper and spoke to her in a way that she rarely had to, Hallena was proving to be more difficult in some ways than any of the others. "This is what comes of you not listening child. Only hearing, and going off half cocked like you know everything and yet speak of things that have no merit to them. It seems to be a plague among people lately." Tarra would mutter, she had to shake her head as her daughter informed her that she was angry that Tarra would ban her from the clan, the utter nonsense of the thought was enough to just make her brain hurt. She really wanted to just throttle the young woman and let her have it in many ways. But she did not instead there was a long drawn out silence for a few moments that made Hallena uncomfortable. Tarra herself was tired of assumptions.
"First of all, I never banned you from your chosen clan, I have never done such nor would I. And the fact that you have thought this and spoken of it disappoints me very much." The fact that her mother would say she was disappointed in her was enough to make Hallie cringe, she would have preferred any reaction but that, anger, harsh words, physical punishment, anything was better than to ever hear her mother speak of being disappointed. That just made Hallena have to think on her words spoken and her own fit of temper. A display that Hallena would not have done in front of others, and yet she did. She spoke with out thought and without truly listening. She spoke with no proof or weight to her words, "Any one that would believe such does not know me and clearly is not as trustworthy or caring as I would have thought." Her tone was soft and it was clear the hurt that she felt that her own daughter would think such. "You will be the one that will correct the error of your words." Tarra told her, she would make Hallena be responsible for her misspoken words and actions . Though it would not undo what she had done. A path had been laid by her that revealed the truth of things. It would not be forgotten Tarra might forgive but she never forgets. "Secondly, you will go to your grandfather and tell him what you have done as well" Hallena swallowed, it was bad enough to have to go to her clan and reveal that she had spoken not only incorrectly but had acted in a way that placed seeds of thought that were wrong. Tarra had only stopped her from being around the prospect until she proved herself, she was not to teach Hallie anything or be close to her. Something that was not uncommon among tribe and particularly among mothers, Tarra was very protective of people, and especially her children. She was like the larl in that her claws and fangs would wound and cut deeply when she felt those she cared of were in positions of being hurt or harmed, no matter what the rationale given. One would think people would learn her instincts of people has never been wrong, and it was well known prospects were not trusted until they proved themselves. And she was of the thought if no one liked it then that was too damn bad, she had long ago seen a prospect attack a tribal member, and this one had been called brother and treated like he was a favored son and accepted and then suddenly one day he revealed his true ways and he harmed a child of the tribe and the child's mother. Needless to say he died on the spot. But it was a lesson that you should hold true to how prospect are treated no matter who they are to you or what you think of them. But then again this long before some of the ones that were here now even were born. She wasn't changing to suit the whims of anyone.
The worst punishment for Hallena was having to talk to Kamchak, she knew just what would come of it. So did Tarra which is why she did it. It was a hard lesson. But one that Hallena would have to take responsibility for. She would now have to find her way on this path and work to regain a few things, Tarra loved her children without condition and there was nothing they could do that would change it. But at the same time she would not make it easy for them to walk away from mistakes. They had to realize the consequence of actions,and take responsibility for their own actions. If they did not learn this lesson then they were doomed to be miserable and unhappy in life and useless to the tribe. It takes courage to own up to what you do. Even as adults that lesson is never easily done and some never do. Hallena was no different than any of them, it just happened to now be her turn to grasp this lesson for the first time.
After Hallena left Tarra went to the back of her wagon to gather some dried herbs, though she did not quite make it to the herbs as she felt as if she were suddenly thrown in to an endless fire pit. She leaned against the wagon finding it suddenly hard to breathe.
Had it not been for Ulric coming around to see if she needed anything who knows what may have happened. When her responses became slower and her color turned slightly ashen he told her she was going to see the healer. When she did not argue that concerned him, she never willingly went to see a healer. He would lift her in to her arms like she was a feather when suddenly her legs would fold beneath her. He took her to Kaeli's healer wagons. He did not take her to Falon only because he remembered long ago Tarra telling him that it was impossible for a healer or physician take care of family because they cannot emotionally detach themselves from their child or loved one.
The large old weathered Torv moved with a grace that none would expect from someone so big,he was one of the tribe now, he had long ago . proved himself and earned his scars and even now had a woman as his own. But he was close to Tarra. Closer than anyone she was family to him, he had known her since she was three turnings. He knew all her secrets. But this was the first time he felt the hand of fear wrap about his heart. The first time he was afraid he might lose the closest thing to a daughter he had ever had. The best friend he had ever had.
That alone made him rush to the healer.
The days and nights seemed to flow into one another with a liquid fluidity of an endless winding path like the river, as she kept busy with clan work and work around the wagons. Though it seemed as if something had been stealing her strength and making her feel rather odd. Something was not right but what she could not quite place and really had not had the time to dwell on it. Garyx had been out with men away from the camp on a lengthy patrol. It seemed to her that the absences seemed to grow more longer and more frequent. But again she did not let her thoughts linger on this as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, strange that she would feel so warm. Perhaps she should rest. But she didn't, she had this habit of working herself into exhaustion when something bothered her or when she spent to much time alone. It was her therapy in a manner of speaking,she couldn't confide her thoughts to anyone. A few she had thought she could trust she learned quick she could not, so she did not allow the vulnerable sides of herself be seen or shared. She had a few hides that she would send over to the leather workers and some bone needles and sinews to send over to the healers. And various items that the artisans could use. Arkus had been spending much time with the warriors of the tribe and he seemed to be realizing many things that he had to let go that were of the lingering child and grasp the new ways of a young budding warrior. She knew it was not easy for him, and there was nothing she could do to help him. She could only be there for him when he needed her. It was never easy to pull back as a mother and not suffocate him and try to protect him from all harm, pick him up when he fell. He had to learn to be a man. This was just the beginning for him, as many times as she has had to watch this and go thru it. It was never easy. It was not something you ever got used to, watching them grow and step into their own.
Hallena was working around the wagons helping with a few of her chores, though her mood, the moping and attitude was grating on Tarra's last nerve and she had just about enough, why she wasn't out with the clan working and learning had her curious and when Hallena's mouth went just beyond that step that was respectful and acceptable, Tarra put down what she was doing and put one hand on her hip and in that tone that only a mother could use to get the attention of a wayward child, and a look that could cut right thru you she asked her what her malfunction today was. Teenagers don't usually need a reason for mood fluctuations they just seem to ride that wave of hormones with a skill that just about drives a parent insane. The shifts are lightening quick and you never know what they will do or are thinking, its like blades clash together in their brains slicing away any logical or intelligent thought at times.
Though her answer was unexpected, as it all tumbled out what she thought and what she had spoken of to others. and it took Tarra back a step or two before she finally lost her temper and spoke to her in a way that she rarely had to, Hallena was proving to be more difficult in some ways than any of the others. "This is what comes of you not listening child. Only hearing, and going off half cocked like you know everything and yet speak of things that have no merit to them. It seems to be a plague among people lately." Tarra would mutter, she had to shake her head as her daughter informed her that she was angry that Tarra would ban her from the clan, the utter nonsense of the thought was enough to just make her brain hurt. She really wanted to just throttle the young woman and let her have it in many ways. But she did not instead there was a long drawn out silence for a few moments that made Hallena uncomfortable. Tarra herself was tired of assumptions.
"First of all, I never banned you from your chosen clan, I have never done such nor would I. And the fact that you have thought this and spoken of it disappoints me very much." The fact that her mother would say she was disappointed in her was enough to make Hallie cringe, she would have preferred any reaction but that, anger, harsh words, physical punishment, anything was better than to ever hear her mother speak of being disappointed. That just made Hallena have to think on her words spoken and her own fit of temper. A display that Hallena would not have done in front of others, and yet she did. She spoke with out thought and without truly listening. She spoke with no proof or weight to her words, "Any one that would believe such does not know me and clearly is not as trustworthy or caring as I would have thought." Her tone was soft and it was clear the hurt that she felt that her own daughter would think such. "You will be the one that will correct the error of your words." Tarra told her, she would make Hallena be responsible for her misspoken words and actions . Though it would not undo what she had done. A path had been laid by her that revealed the truth of things. It would not be forgotten Tarra might forgive but she never forgets. "Secondly, you will go to your grandfather and tell him what you have done as well" Hallena swallowed, it was bad enough to have to go to her clan and reveal that she had spoken not only incorrectly but had acted in a way that placed seeds of thought that were wrong. Tarra had only stopped her from being around the prospect until she proved herself, she was not to teach Hallie anything or be close to her. Something that was not uncommon among tribe and particularly among mothers, Tarra was very protective of people, and especially her children. She was like the larl in that her claws and fangs would wound and cut deeply when she felt those she cared of were in positions of being hurt or harmed, no matter what the rationale given. One would think people would learn her instincts of people has never been wrong, and it was well known prospects were not trusted until they proved themselves. And she was of the thought if no one liked it then that was too damn bad, she had long ago seen a prospect attack a tribal member, and this one had been called brother and treated like he was a favored son and accepted and then suddenly one day he revealed his true ways and he harmed a child of the tribe and the child's mother. Needless to say he died on the spot. But it was a lesson that you should hold true to how prospect are treated no matter who they are to you or what you think of them. But then again this long before some of the ones that were here now even were born. She wasn't changing to suit the whims of anyone.
The worst punishment for Hallena was having to talk to Kamchak, she knew just what would come of it. So did Tarra which is why she did it. It was a hard lesson. But one that Hallena would have to take responsibility for. She would now have to find her way on this path and work to regain a few things, Tarra loved her children without condition and there was nothing they could do that would change it. But at the same time she would not make it easy for them to walk away from mistakes. They had to realize the consequence of actions,and take responsibility for their own actions. If they did not learn this lesson then they were doomed to be miserable and unhappy in life and useless to the tribe. It takes courage to own up to what you do. Even as adults that lesson is never easily done and some never do. Hallena was no different than any of them, it just happened to now be her turn to grasp this lesson for the first time.
After Hallena left Tarra went to the back of her wagon to gather some dried herbs, though she did not quite make it to the herbs as she felt as if she were suddenly thrown in to an endless fire pit. She leaned against the wagon finding it suddenly hard to breathe.
Had it not been for Ulric coming around to see if she needed anything who knows what may have happened. When her responses became slower and her color turned slightly ashen he told her she was going to see the healer. When she did not argue that concerned him, she never willingly went to see a healer. He would lift her in to her arms like she was a feather when suddenly her legs would fold beneath her. He took her to Kaeli's healer wagons. He did not take her to Falon only because he remembered long ago Tarra telling him that it was impossible for a healer or physician take care of family because they cannot emotionally detach themselves from their child or loved one.
The large old weathered Torv moved with a grace that none would expect from someone so big,he was one of the tribe now, he had long ago . proved himself and earned his scars and even now had a woman as his own. But he was close to Tarra. Closer than anyone she was family to him, he had known her since she was three turnings. He knew all her secrets. But this was the first time he felt the hand of fear wrap about his heart. The first time he was afraid he might lose the closest thing to a daughter he had ever had. The best friend he had ever had.
That alone made him rush to the healer.
