It is not often I allow my emotions to get the better of me, but I am only human after all. I rarely fall into the emotional dispair of some. I rarely fall into fits of tears and upset because my mate is doing what warriors do take care of the tribe. But every now and then even I can get a bit upset and have to ask, "Hey do you remember me?" As rare as it is for me to do that.
I have not seen Garyx yet others have, so that sort of makes me wonder of things. Like why. Have I suddenly grown old and ugly that his furs dont beckon him, or has the passion and desire fizzled already that he seeks pleasure elsewhere? Many thoughts go thru my mind and do many questions.
I thought going to the fires would be pleasent, well, I couldn't have been more wrong. Now I have to ask myself what manner of Tuchuk, family or no will go to bat for one who has not been among the people in quite a few turnings, I know lies when I see them, Sef was not here with the last move that is utter bosk shit. So how did his slave get from a distant city across the plains. Another miracle worker.
Now I know how it goes with family, and clearly Jai is upset over what I said of Sef, I can understand that on one level, well you know what, Sef made his choice, like Ina he chose the city, to me that shows he is not a tuchuk. End of story in my mind when you willingly chose to leave, I have children that were banished for the same reasons, so do I know that heartache, you know damn straight I do. Nothing is harder than your own children being traitors. I made the choice. Tribe above all. And it still hurts, it is an open wound that will never heal they are my children.
And Dash getting her leathers in a twist over a slave, I had already put the blade in to obtain the liver when she spoke, she could have easily spoken to the girl, but no , she has to get all pissy and twisted, her words and actions I will not forget I might one day forgive but I wont forget. Blood on my mouth, there was no damn blood on my mouth. I did what Ba'atar told me to do, take the liver. And if she wants to be so pissy over a former slave of the tribe, then that tells me all I need to know. It did not escape my notice the pissiness of Jai, Kaeli and his son. I will remember, strange isnt it how they band together over a slave. When did they become more important than others. Last I looked they were property, owned.
I really need to stay away from the fires and people. Look at what happens. I am going to stay in my wagons during these rain filled days, because I have a feeling it is just going to keep raining, and raining, and raining. I can be wet and miserable alone.. At least this way I wont cause trouble for the Ubar. Now that mate of mine... He better hope that I have calmed down.
