I had joined the others at the fire, taking my place by Garyx, I was listening to the discussion about the fires and I found myself with an influx of thought. I was watching Sef and surprised to see that he was suddenly embraced by everyone as if he were this warrior that has done great things for the people, after one battle, when others have repeatedly given their blood, sweat and tears on a daily basis for this tribe, both man and woman alike,I felt a surge of irritation and fury rush thru me in a way I cannot and still wont put into words because I cannot, I found myself following that pull to open my mouth and ask questions, which were logical contrary to what others think,I do not sit and agree with things simply because someone says to regardless of who they are and everyone knows this of me, however, I never ever speak openly at the main fires my thoughts. Until now.
I found questions and thoughts flowing from my mouth before I could stop them, one battle makes the man loyal. Have they forgotten how he comes and goes like a revolving door over the plains, never once have I seen him be loyal to the warriors of this tribe or even make an effort to be a part of this tribe, yes, that anger began to seep out in my words and tone I could feel it and there was that part of my brain saying, shut up Tarra you know better, but there was that other part of me that said hell no, I am speaking my mind as is my right. Guess which side won out.. yep, the side that I knew was going to get me in so much trouble that it would not be funny , well, if I am going to get into trouble, I sure make it good.
I could hear Ba'atar and it was assimilating in my mind just about the time Garyx said my name, that tone I knew and felt, it was like cold water thrown across me and at that time I said nothing more. Skies above I knew just by that one word I was in for it and I would not deny it or make excuses, I knew just what occurred, though inside I was absolutely horrified, of what I just did, but I would not reveal such to anyone, oh no there was that rigid pride that would not allow me to back down or cower pathetically before anyone, I would not ask for pity or make excuses. What was done was done I would take the punishment that he would give and we both knew it. It took all my control to not snap at Ba'atar as he kept needling me, I went to leave but damn it if Garyx did not give that show of authority and keep me in place now he was starting to irritate me with that but I remained silent. After a while he finally let me go, and Ba'atar just doesn't know when to stop either sometimes, and I told him not to hold his damn breath, oh yea, that was the bitch in me coming out, a glimpse of the darker side of me was emerging and I was struggling to contain it as I left.
I went to our wagons and waited, as I sat there I could feel so much rush thru me and I had no way to release it, I knew it had to pass on its own, all these thoughts and emotions were like a hurricane within me wanting to just burst out, but I had to grasp them and control them before I did or said something that would make things worse, at the same time I knew that the effects of what I did earlier were woven thru everything as well but I would never use that as a crutch. As I tried to calm myself and prepare for the night the sudden rush of pain was expanding thru my body with such a ferocious intensity that I could not contain the scream of pain that convulsed thru me, I barely noticed that Chulunn and Odval were beside me until I felt the warmth of their hands, now they did for me what I usually do for them, it would take some time before the brunt of it would pass and I could tolerate the rest, when they were satisfied they left and returned to the clan to tell them of how it was progressing, during this time I found id difficult to breathe, it was if I were suffocating and for a while the events at the fire were the farthest thing from my mind, and so it began the gift that I gave to Ba'atar would now embrace me for many ahns.
When Garyx returned he was more furious than I have ever seen him, I do not know why Ba'atar stripped him of all of his command to me that is a bit extreme but I said nothing, nope my thoughts were not going to be revealed even if it killed me. I knew what Garyx said in his words and I know that others do not always understand what he is saying, I knew by what the said that he was saying he would punish me in his own way not in the way that Ba'atar wanted while I had a certain valid logic, he was correct it was how and when I did it that was wrong. I also know that others were whispering things that they should have stayed out of , never fails others have to add fuel to the fire, and I know exactly who whispered what. I knew that Garyx was not saying he would not follow orders of the Ubar and that the whispered words of treason were ridiculous, surely people are not that blind, Garyx has proven himself more than once, he has endangered himself more than once to protect the people, he was saying that his punishment to me was in his hands and would be done in his way, along with afew other things that I understood, I wonder if anyone really got what he said.
I would not cower from what Garyx needed to do, this was the second time since we have been together that he has been truly angry at me but this time so much more. He had the presence of mind to also know something else was going on and he asked what I did, while I could not reveal to him specifics which he understood because he knew there were many things I could not share, not that I liked secrets and I never kept things from him unless it was clan related and he understood and respected this he accepted it as such and never tried to force me to go against my clan. That was one of the things I loved about him he accepted all parts of me good bad and otherwise.
He did ensure that I knew that the punishment would be rendered when I felt better and that I would not be forgetting it, I understood this and I did not plead for mercy or less than what was right, I also knew as a man he would do what was needed no matter how deeply he loved me , he would make sure the lesson was learned.
Just because I understood did not mean I had to like it, but then isn't that the point of punishment.
He would sit awake with me for the ahns that would pass trying to alleviate what I was going thru but he could not, but it helped that he was there to hold me and give me the strength I needed, he was worried I could tell, but I assured him it would pass, I do not think he was so sure, in fact I saw him lose his color a few times when he thought me unaware, I think he thought he was going to lose me, I did not tell him that in truth a few times I came close to such happening, this is why we rarely did this, because of this danger. I also knew the clan was doing their part to help I could hear the sound of a few drummers that we utilized for various things, the rhythm and beat was unusual and most knew that it was for something specific even if they did not understand it. If we endured this then it was because it was for someone we held in high regard and respect and cared deeply about. In addition to that I could not bear to see Cana's pain, for them both I allowed this.
Garyx was the only other person I have done this for.
I found questions and thoughts flowing from my mouth before I could stop them, one battle makes the man loyal. Have they forgotten how he comes and goes like a revolving door over the plains, never once have I seen him be loyal to the warriors of this tribe or even make an effort to be a part of this tribe, yes, that anger began to seep out in my words and tone I could feel it and there was that part of my brain saying, shut up Tarra you know better, but there was that other part of me that said hell no, I am speaking my mind as is my right. Guess which side won out.. yep, the side that I knew was going to get me in so much trouble that it would not be funny , well, if I am going to get into trouble, I sure make it good.
I could hear Ba'atar and it was assimilating in my mind just about the time Garyx said my name, that tone I knew and felt, it was like cold water thrown across me and at that time I said nothing more. Skies above I knew just by that one word I was in for it and I would not deny it or make excuses, I knew just what occurred, though inside I was absolutely horrified, of what I just did, but I would not reveal such to anyone, oh no there was that rigid pride that would not allow me to back down or cower pathetically before anyone, I would not ask for pity or make excuses. What was done was done I would take the punishment that he would give and we both knew it. It took all my control to not snap at Ba'atar as he kept needling me, I went to leave but damn it if Garyx did not give that show of authority and keep me in place now he was starting to irritate me with that but I remained silent. After a while he finally let me go, and Ba'atar just doesn't know when to stop either sometimes, and I told him not to hold his damn breath, oh yea, that was the bitch in me coming out, a glimpse of the darker side of me was emerging and I was struggling to contain it as I left.
I went to our wagons and waited, as I sat there I could feel so much rush thru me and I had no way to release it, I knew it had to pass on its own, all these thoughts and emotions were like a hurricane within me wanting to just burst out, but I had to grasp them and control them before I did or said something that would make things worse, at the same time I knew that the effects of what I did earlier were woven thru everything as well but I would never use that as a crutch. As I tried to calm myself and prepare for the night the sudden rush of pain was expanding thru my body with such a ferocious intensity that I could not contain the scream of pain that convulsed thru me, I barely noticed that Chulunn and Odval were beside me until I felt the warmth of their hands, now they did for me what I usually do for them, it would take some time before the brunt of it would pass and I could tolerate the rest, when they were satisfied they left and returned to the clan to tell them of how it was progressing, during this time I found id difficult to breathe, it was if I were suffocating and for a while the events at the fire were the farthest thing from my mind, and so it began the gift that I gave to Ba'atar would now embrace me for many ahns.
When Garyx returned he was more furious than I have ever seen him, I do not know why Ba'atar stripped him of all of his command to me that is a bit extreme but I said nothing, nope my thoughts were not going to be revealed even if it killed me. I knew what Garyx said in his words and I know that others do not always understand what he is saying, I knew by what the said that he was saying he would punish me in his own way not in the way that Ba'atar wanted while I had a certain valid logic, he was correct it was how and when I did it that was wrong. I also know that others were whispering things that they should have stayed out of , never fails others have to add fuel to the fire, and I know exactly who whispered what. I knew that Garyx was not saying he would not follow orders of the Ubar and that the whispered words of treason were ridiculous, surely people are not that blind, Garyx has proven himself more than once, he has endangered himself more than once to protect the people, he was saying that his punishment to me was in his hands and would be done in his way, along with afew other things that I understood, I wonder if anyone really got what he said.
I would not cower from what Garyx needed to do, this was the second time since we have been together that he has been truly angry at me but this time so much more. He had the presence of mind to also know something else was going on and he asked what I did, while I could not reveal to him specifics which he understood because he knew there were many things I could not share, not that I liked secrets and I never kept things from him unless it was clan related and he understood and respected this he accepted it as such and never tried to force me to go against my clan. That was one of the things I loved about him he accepted all parts of me good bad and otherwise.
He did ensure that I knew that the punishment would be rendered when I felt better and that I would not be forgetting it, I understood this and I did not plead for mercy or less than what was right, I also knew as a man he would do what was needed no matter how deeply he loved me , he would make sure the lesson was learned.
Just because I understood did not mean I had to like it, but then isn't that the point of punishment.
He would sit awake with me for the ahns that would pass trying to alleviate what I was going thru but he could not, but it helped that he was there to hold me and give me the strength I needed, he was worried I could tell, but I assured him it would pass, I do not think he was so sure, in fact I saw him lose his color a few times when he thought me unaware, I think he thought he was going to lose me, I did not tell him that in truth a few times I came close to such happening, this is why we rarely did this, because of this danger. I also knew the clan was doing their part to help I could hear the sound of a few drummers that we utilized for various things, the rhythm and beat was unusual and most knew that it was for something specific even if they did not understand it. If we endured this then it was because it was for someone we held in high regard and respect and cared deeply about. In addition to that I could not bear to see Cana's pain, for them both I allowed this.
Garyx was the only other person I have done this for.
