I do not think my eyes wish to focus this morning, mostly because it is early and as I sit on my platform of one of the wagons I watch the rain, to some it would appear almost dreary in its display but, I see instead the etheric quality to it this morning as the fog weaves thru the droplets reminding me of someone pouring liquid silver over the plains. It does not however motivate me to get my backside in gear.
I am tired and I noticed the look of a couple of the slaves that are usually up as early as I am, I have yet to do anything. I think they are not sure wether to be worried or afraid, I don't think I will yet burst their illusions. I am very tired this morning, I was up late with the ancient one, he is not doing well, he speaks of things that all of us know are of the past and of things that make no sense, but I sat with him most of the night, I learned long ago even when someone is out of their head they speak of things that we should listen to.
Only the elders of the clan were allowed to see him at the moment, not because we did not want others to see him, but because we knew of things whispered could not be heard by students or those not yet at a certain level. There were those we took from each level of a circle and had them do various things, we knew of course it would not help him, but there was a certain comfort in rituals that could not be put into words a meaning, a feeling. It would not help him in some ways but in others it would do so much more than words could, even the newly brought in students could feel the import of what was going on.
At some time during the night many retired, I sat by his side gently bathing him in herbal water and chanting softly, until he fell into a deep unnatural sleep I knew then it was time to stop, but I did not leave, I stayed there, though I did not sleep I closed my eyes allowing that which was beyond me to drift thru my mind,at some point I must have fallen asleep when I heard my name being spoken in a strange voice, "Hallena," At first I did not respond to it, no one called me by my true given name,mainly because no one knew it but a few. "Ouch," I would mutter with a low growl as I felt a smack across my head, reminiscent of Nasatai when I looked up it was the old one, he was awake, and I quickly checked his fever and was relieved to see it gone. "You should have been in your wagons resting," he admonished me. I could only smile to him, "I was needed here. "
He was silent for a moment, "you are troubled dear one, " he would state softly. I did not say anything as I knew there was no need, he did not yet push it instead spoke of things from even before my time or my mothers time, stories and spells and things known only by the old ones. I could only look at him awestruck by things he revealed to me, these where the very fabric of our ways and teachings within the clan, but yet there was knowledge of things of the people themselves that were interwoven within these things. As he spoke many things began to make sense. I never interrupted but I wondered why he was sharing this with me when it should be one of the others. He would suddenly laugh , "You have not yet seen what I have been doing all these turnings, why I did what I did when you were young" I sort of looked at him strangely at first I knew he was the one who told my father to send me away, and I will admit I still harbored some pain over that, even if I did sort of understand. " Why Fonce gave you the gift that he did." He would remind me of that accursed skull that was never silent which is why it was in the other wagon so I could sleep. Yet, I listened as he spoke of many situations and events. Some were deeply painful and some were joyous. I never questioned him as I knew he had a reason for what he was saying. He reminded me to look at all the places I have been when torn from the embrace of the plains, of the people I met and things I learned. Well, he had a point there, I think I have lived enough in my life to count for several life times, " Look at the times you should have died and nearly did." He would continue in that whispery voice. This began to make me uncomfortable as those things were far to vivid for me even now and I rarely thought back to those things. "Everything has had a purpose, I saw what you were to become and what you would step into of your own self, I have guided many of your steps because you had to have that unbreakable will and inner strength for what will be coming."
Sometimes he confused me sometimes he did not, but what could he have been preparing me for, strangely enough I felt some odd sort of comfort and no fear. It was not until I felt his energy mingle with mine that there was such an influx of information that I lost my breath, it was almost to painful. I knew what he was doing and I wanted to tell him to stop. But I knew better, he was much older than I he had been here teaching my grandmothers grandmother. He has taught all of my family, and know he was sharing with me knowledge so that I could also prepare others as he had us. Perhaps I could finally forgive my father for sending me away all those turnings ago. Perhaps now I could let go of many lingering things that had held their monstrous grip upon me. There was something more important occurring and those things looked rather silly now.
When he was done I found a wave of emotions so intense that I could only let them wash over me and allow them to be released. It was strange to find myself held in his fragile embrace ,he spoke softly , "Let them flow dear one, let them do as they will." I could not argue this for there was no way to fight this. What seemed like many ahns it suddenly passed leaving only a sense of peace. " You need to go rest
Hallena." But I shook my head, I could not leave him, we would be moving tomorrow and I wasn't going to let him be alone. "Still as stubborn as the day is long he would tease, just like your mother. " I could only laugh a bit. Then within a few ehn three of the other elders came in, they were going to sit with me, and one of them he was going to make sure I found my wagon to rest, "I am not the only stubborn one. " I would mutter to him, which caused a weak laugh to echo in his wagon. We all knew he was not going to survive the journey, and I also knew how he planned to ride the skies, because we all felt it out there. A lingering, darkness, hovering, waiting.
It was an odd sensation as I stood, I was so unsteady and dizzy that I physically felt ill. Before, I could protest I found one of the elders lifting me into his arms and carrying me to my own wagons, he had one of the slaves sit with me during the night, as Garyx was out on an extended patrol while we moved. In truth I do not remember getting undressed or falling sleep I only remember waking up later in the morning than I usually do and my clothing was neatly folded nearby. I felt kind of odd, I could not describe it, almost as if I could see and feel different. I lay there for a while just letting these new images and sensations course over me. Then I groaned as I realized just what he did. "Damn " was all I could say. Knowing this was going to take adjusting to and relearning a different control.
I am tired and I noticed the look of a couple of the slaves that are usually up as early as I am, I have yet to do anything. I think they are not sure wether to be worried or afraid, I don't think I will yet burst their illusions. I am very tired this morning, I was up late with the ancient one, he is not doing well, he speaks of things that all of us know are of the past and of things that make no sense, but I sat with him most of the night, I learned long ago even when someone is out of their head they speak of things that we should listen to.
Only the elders of the clan were allowed to see him at the moment, not because we did not want others to see him, but because we knew of things whispered could not be heard by students or those not yet at a certain level. There were those we took from each level of a circle and had them do various things, we knew of course it would not help him, but there was a certain comfort in rituals that could not be put into words a meaning, a feeling. It would not help him in some ways but in others it would do so much more than words could, even the newly brought in students could feel the import of what was going on.
At some time during the night many retired, I sat by his side gently bathing him in herbal water and chanting softly, until he fell into a deep unnatural sleep I knew then it was time to stop, but I did not leave, I stayed there, though I did not sleep I closed my eyes allowing that which was beyond me to drift thru my mind,at some point I must have fallen asleep when I heard my name being spoken in a strange voice, "Hallena," At first I did not respond to it, no one called me by my true given name,mainly because no one knew it but a few. "Ouch," I would mutter with a low growl as I felt a smack across my head, reminiscent of Nasatai when I looked up it was the old one, he was awake, and I quickly checked his fever and was relieved to see it gone. "You should have been in your wagons resting," he admonished me. I could only smile to him, "I was needed here. "
He was silent for a moment, "you are troubled dear one, " he would state softly. I did not say anything as I knew there was no need, he did not yet push it instead spoke of things from even before my time or my mothers time, stories and spells and things known only by the old ones. I could only look at him awestruck by things he revealed to me, these where the very fabric of our ways and teachings within the clan, but yet there was knowledge of things of the people themselves that were interwoven within these things. As he spoke many things began to make sense. I never interrupted but I wondered why he was sharing this with me when it should be one of the others. He would suddenly laugh , "You have not yet seen what I have been doing all these turnings, why I did what I did when you were young" I sort of looked at him strangely at first I knew he was the one who told my father to send me away, and I will admit I still harbored some pain over that, even if I did sort of understand. " Why Fonce gave you the gift that he did." He would remind me of that accursed skull that was never silent which is why it was in the other wagon so I could sleep. Yet, I listened as he spoke of many situations and events. Some were deeply painful and some were joyous. I never questioned him as I knew he had a reason for what he was saying. He reminded me to look at all the places I have been when torn from the embrace of the plains, of the people I met and things I learned. Well, he had a point there, I think I have lived enough in my life to count for several life times, " Look at the times you should have died and nearly did." He would continue in that whispery voice. This began to make me uncomfortable as those things were far to vivid for me even now and I rarely thought back to those things. "Everything has had a purpose, I saw what you were to become and what you would step into of your own self, I have guided many of your steps because you had to have that unbreakable will and inner strength for what will be coming."
Sometimes he confused me sometimes he did not, but what could he have been preparing me for, strangely enough I felt some odd sort of comfort and no fear. It was not until I felt his energy mingle with mine that there was such an influx of information that I lost my breath, it was almost to painful. I knew what he was doing and I wanted to tell him to stop. But I knew better, he was much older than I he had been here teaching my grandmothers grandmother. He has taught all of my family, and know he was sharing with me knowledge so that I could also prepare others as he had us. Perhaps I could finally forgive my father for sending me away all those turnings ago. Perhaps now I could let go of many lingering things that had held their monstrous grip upon me. There was something more important occurring and those things looked rather silly now.
When he was done I found a wave of emotions so intense that I could only let them wash over me and allow them to be released. It was strange to find myself held in his fragile embrace ,he spoke softly , "Let them flow dear one, let them do as they will." I could not argue this for there was no way to fight this. What seemed like many ahns it suddenly passed leaving only a sense of peace. " You need to go rest
Hallena." But I shook my head, I could not leave him, we would be moving tomorrow and I wasn't going to let him be alone. "Still as stubborn as the day is long he would tease, just like your mother. " I could only laugh a bit. Then within a few ehn three of the other elders came in, they were going to sit with me, and one of them he was going to make sure I found my wagon to rest, "I am not the only stubborn one. " I would mutter to him, which caused a weak laugh to echo in his wagon. We all knew he was not going to survive the journey, and I also knew how he planned to ride the skies, because we all felt it out there. A lingering, darkness, hovering, waiting.
It was an odd sensation as I stood, I was so unsteady and dizzy that I physically felt ill. Before, I could protest I found one of the elders lifting me into his arms and carrying me to my own wagons, he had one of the slaves sit with me during the night, as Garyx was out on an extended patrol while we moved. In truth I do not remember getting undressed or falling sleep I only remember waking up later in the morning than I usually do and my clothing was neatly folded nearby. I felt kind of odd, I could not describe it, almost as if I could see and feel different. I lay there for a while just letting these new images and sensations course over me. Then I groaned as I realized just what he did. "Damn " was all I could say. Knowing this was going to take adjusting to and relearning a different control.
