The days have passed with relative slowness at least in my mind they have been, I have not lingered at the fires very long,actually I have not been lingering anywhere very long. I have mixed feelings and thoughts on many things lately. I will sort thru them eventually but I think while I do it is wiser to stay away from people.
I have tried to have various talks with a few, but either there is no time or one or two suddenly arrive right on cue and bring forth their own wants and needs when it is clear two people were talking. I suppose the lingering emotions,dreams and desires are far more important, what I had to talk of really had no value or importance.
My mind went over a few things that have been mentioned to me, it is interesting how people speak of things but only in bits and pieces and yet just enough to place thoughts in the mind. The ubar had already asked me days ago to take Sorrel in hand and yet it has been spoken of at the fires that she recently upset Cana, I have not seen Cana to know what has happened, but apparently he said at that time he would speak to me of it, he already had so it confused me as to why he would not just say that. I have not seen the girl since the night she thought she could dictate to me. I gather it was after I left that she upset a few at the main fires, that is not a surprise. He had spoken of me also helping teaching the other prospects like Asria, Mezoo and Seveya and yet the opposite was said at the main fires. This gives me pause and questions arise in my head, am I told one thing just to say it and yet it has no meaning of validity behind it, So that was the way of it. I begin to see. I love Cana to pieces and I understand why she is in charge, she is the Ubara, she is younger, she is sweet and tactful. I am aware of things often said of me, funny how most of it is as far from the truth as it can be, but at least now things have been revealed.
Was I that wrong of people. It would appear so. I do not need lip service and I don't need the backstabbing I have seen of people, I am a bit upset that a few having used me for their own gains, now forget I am part of the tribe, but that is alright, I will remember when they need something. And I will once more treat those that are prospects to the first fires as such. I was foolish to invest time and emotion, I learn fast and well. I will not repeat it. Such things are not learned with age, I think we always try to see the best of people and to see hope, but I think I have finally reached the end stage of these things, I was seeking to detach my heart and emotions, I have been given help to do so.. I suppose I should be thankful.
My thoughts were interrupted as I watched my youngest son, it was to late in the night for him to be up so I wondered what was on his mind for I could clearly see much was on his mind.
His vibrant green eyes held a pain within them that while I had anticipating coming at some point in time I was not sure I was ready for the outfall of it.
I have tried to have various talks with a few, but either there is no time or one or two suddenly arrive right on cue and bring forth their own wants and needs when it is clear two people were talking. I suppose the lingering emotions,dreams and desires are far more important, what I had to talk of really had no value or importance.
My mind went over a few things that have been mentioned to me, it is interesting how people speak of things but only in bits and pieces and yet just enough to place thoughts in the mind. The ubar had already asked me days ago to take Sorrel in hand and yet it has been spoken of at the fires that she recently upset Cana, I have not seen Cana to know what has happened, but apparently he said at that time he would speak to me of it, he already had so it confused me as to why he would not just say that. I have not seen the girl since the night she thought she could dictate to me. I gather it was after I left that she upset a few at the main fires, that is not a surprise. He had spoken of me also helping teaching the other prospects like Asria, Mezoo and Seveya and yet the opposite was said at the main fires. This gives me pause and questions arise in my head, am I told one thing just to say it and yet it has no meaning of validity behind it, So that was the way of it. I begin to see. I love Cana to pieces and I understand why she is in charge, she is the Ubara, she is younger, she is sweet and tactful. I am aware of things often said of me, funny how most of it is as far from the truth as it can be, but at least now things have been revealed.
Was I that wrong of people. It would appear so. I do not need lip service and I don't need the backstabbing I have seen of people, I am a bit upset that a few having used me for their own gains, now forget I am part of the tribe, but that is alright, I will remember when they need something. And I will once more treat those that are prospects to the first fires as such. I was foolish to invest time and emotion, I learn fast and well. I will not repeat it. Such things are not learned with age, I think we always try to see the best of people and to see hope, but I think I have finally reached the end stage of these things, I was seeking to detach my heart and emotions, I have been given help to do so.. I suppose I should be thankful.
My thoughts were interrupted as I watched my youngest son, it was to late in the night for him to be up so I wondered what was on his mind for I could clearly see much was on his mind.
His vibrant green eyes held a pain within them that while I had anticipating coming at some point in time I was not sure I was ready for the outfall of it.
