How long I sat by the stream I do not know. I had given lily my son and had her take him to my wagons. It was here that I shouted to the skies and vented my frustration, anger and hurt. In the distance I could see a storm that danced along the skies and I used it to direct my anger into until I was exhausted of all emotion.
It has been a long time since I have shed tears, I did not shed them when my son Kane was killed in a hunt, I did not shed them when my son Lochlan was killed by a warrior. I did not shed them for many painful times in my life. Not because I did not want to, but my life has molded that control I hold into place
But as I sit by the stream with my hands buried beneath the surface in the mud. I felt those tears fall into the water sending ripples across the surface. At the moment there was no one to talk to or with, I was in every sense of the word alone.
When the tears came they were for all the times that I did allow them to flow, I cried for my sons and daughters that now ride the skies, the loss of children that yet still live and breathe but were torn from me and brainwashed to follow other beliefs and to forget who their mother was. I cried for those of the tribe lost from us either in death or because they have lost their way. The pain of friends and family and of things within the tribe that affected us all deeply. But, the deepest sorrow I felt was from what felt to be a betrayal and loss of someone I care deeply about, someone as close as a friend as anyone could be. How could he think that I would not wish to talk to him, I had to shake my head.
So few do I allow close to me and I began to wonder if I should keep it that way, each time I let anyone close it seemed to only cause pain. After a while I eventually returned to my wagons and found a restless sleep.
The past few days I have stayed within my circle of wagons, I have not ventured to the clan and I have not ventured to the main fires. Orendah came by and sat with me by my fires, being an elder of the clan and also and elder to me, I offered him food and drink and sat waiting to see what he would say.
But he did not say much, in fact he just added to the confusion that seemed to weave about me. All he said was that it would be friend ,tribe,blood and love that would dissolve the darkness. That all was not lost.
It seemed to me that much was, and I did not argue with him, instead I just stayed at the wagons drying out meat, working on hides and taking care of other things that need to be done.
Yet, I still could hear that old man's chuckle and knowing smile.
It has been a long time since I have shed tears, I did not shed them when my son Kane was killed in a hunt, I did not shed them when my son Lochlan was killed by a warrior. I did not shed them for many painful times in my life. Not because I did not want to, but my life has molded that control I hold into place
But as I sit by the stream with my hands buried beneath the surface in the mud. I felt those tears fall into the water sending ripples across the surface. At the moment there was no one to talk to or with, I was in every sense of the word alone.
When the tears came they were for all the times that I did allow them to flow, I cried for my sons and daughters that now ride the skies, the loss of children that yet still live and breathe but were torn from me and brainwashed to follow other beliefs and to forget who their mother was. I cried for those of the tribe lost from us either in death or because they have lost their way. The pain of friends and family and of things within the tribe that affected us all deeply. But, the deepest sorrow I felt was from what felt to be a betrayal and loss of someone I care deeply about, someone as close as a friend as anyone could be. How could he think that I would not wish to talk to him, I had to shake my head.
So few do I allow close to me and I began to wonder if I should keep it that way, each time I let anyone close it seemed to only cause pain. After a while I eventually returned to my wagons and found a restless sleep.
The past few days I have stayed within my circle of wagons, I have not ventured to the clan and I have not ventured to the main fires. Orendah came by and sat with me by my fires, being an elder of the clan and also and elder to me, I offered him food and drink and sat waiting to see what he would say.
But he did not say much, in fact he just added to the confusion that seemed to weave about me. All he said was that it would be friend ,tribe,blood and love that would dissolve the darkness. That all was not lost.
It seemed to me that much was, and I did not argue with him, instead I just stayed at the wagons drying out meat, working on hides and taking care of other things that need to be done.
Yet, I still could hear that old man's chuckle and knowing smile.
