Within the light and within the dark.
The shadows they do embark
Two by two you shall go
As the shadows weave to and fro
The answer lays upon the blood's sea
But you are to blind to see
The answer lays within and upon the tribe
As all have felt this darkened vibe
The shadows they do embark
Two by two you shall go
As the shadows weave to and fro
The answer lays upon the blood's sea
But you are to blind to see
The answer lays within and upon the tribe
As all have felt this darkened vibe
Respect and love is lost
Is it not a steep cost
The darkness shall consume you
The evil will undo you
Only the round of the ground
Can lift and surround
Only the blood of all and yet of one
Can right the wrong and have it all undone.
The words drifted thru my head in a sing song rhythm that made no sense. It was a familiar voice speaking it to me.But yet is was also unknown to me. I tried to figure out what it meant but it was just out of my grasp.
I already knew of the darkness that embraced the plains, I even knew who was behind it. He was an old one, one that feel from the path of what was right and good long ago. My brother Lukus once told me of those that were like him they resided in the jungles just as they reside upon the plains. For us it is a haruspex who no longer walks the path with honor, it is one that no one will speak his name or acknowledge him for upon the plains no one would welcome one who would anger the skies, we are superstitious and for one like us to flip to an extreme that would destroy. What wrong and not accepted it lacked honor.. it lacked courage.
I have felt this darkness before, when Garyx and I were attacked and my mind clouded when this one tried to take me then, had it not been for that other side of Garyx emerging, I am sure I would have endured a rather slow painful death. This one was older than me, older than Orendah and older than all of our elders. I knew what he was doing and yet I could not stop it, I had an idea of the dark emotions that grasp me, the ones that bring my deepest hurts to surface, my disappointments and pain to the surface much like a putrid, maggot infested vine bent on suffocating any good and devouring any light. The words danced in my head over and over, with an urgency that I could not explain.
The past hand has been filled with chaotic emotions and hypersensitivity and I had a feeling of something worse about to happen, I could feel him, almost was if he were within me fighting to merge with me and be a part of me. I do not follow that path, though I know of the darkness within me. Did it mean I had to embrace that part of me to fight this. I shuddered at that, I could not allow that part of me to emerge even though I felt my control slipping with each passing day. I knew what could happen and yet I did not know.
I have kept to myself , once in a while I go to the fires, I am polite. I paste a smile upon my lips. But I no longer feel the love and warmth. In fact I feel like an outsider, many a night I have packed up my wagons and thought to do as so many others have and just depart. For in my mind it is not worth it, I find it kind of sad the assumptions and the need for choices and sides being chosen. If that is the case then those that claim to have loved me truly did not , those that say they know me truly do not. I am used to invalid assumptions of me being made, but not from those who claim to be sisters or tribe. This dark time has shown me much. And I have lost respect for a few. It is possible they will never get it back. I grow weary of the attitudes and the harping of how I did this or I did that. Fact is.. I have a right to speak my mind with or without emotion, if people can't handle it then they should stay away from me I will not apologize for being honest in what I feel. I love how people say I disrespected a man, please had I disrespected anyone they would not be standing. I don't play the diplomat when it comes to what I believe in and fight for. I will no longer fight for people, nor will I fight for family, blood or tribe .
Being a spex does not mean I do not feel. It also does not mean I am not vulnerable and it definitely does not mean I am perfect, I grow so tired of that as well. Let a few find out what it is like to not have me as a friend, a counselor, a healer, a guiding hand, or any other numerous roles I have quietly rendered when needed.
The spex is no longer in. The door is shut. Closed by the one who knows the way. The door is shut.
You figure out how to open it. Because I am not about to.
Is it not a steep cost
The darkness shall consume you
The evil will undo you
Only the round of the ground
Can lift and surround
Only the blood of all and yet of one
Can right the wrong and have it all undone.
The words drifted thru my head in a sing song rhythm that made no sense. It was a familiar voice speaking it to me.But yet is was also unknown to me. I tried to figure out what it meant but it was just out of my grasp.
I already knew of the darkness that embraced the plains, I even knew who was behind it. He was an old one, one that feel from the path of what was right and good long ago. My brother Lukus once told me of those that were like him they resided in the jungles just as they reside upon the plains. For us it is a haruspex who no longer walks the path with honor, it is one that no one will speak his name or acknowledge him for upon the plains no one would welcome one who would anger the skies, we are superstitious and for one like us to flip to an extreme that would destroy. What wrong and not accepted it lacked honor.. it lacked courage.
I have felt this darkness before, when Garyx and I were attacked and my mind clouded when this one tried to take me then, had it not been for that other side of Garyx emerging, I am sure I would have endured a rather slow painful death. This one was older than me, older than Orendah and older than all of our elders. I knew what he was doing and yet I could not stop it, I had an idea of the dark emotions that grasp me, the ones that bring my deepest hurts to surface, my disappointments and pain to the surface much like a putrid, maggot infested vine bent on suffocating any good and devouring any light. The words danced in my head over and over, with an urgency that I could not explain.
The past hand has been filled with chaotic emotions and hypersensitivity and I had a feeling of something worse about to happen, I could feel him, almost was if he were within me fighting to merge with me and be a part of me. I do not follow that path, though I know of the darkness within me. Did it mean I had to embrace that part of me to fight this. I shuddered at that, I could not allow that part of me to emerge even though I felt my control slipping with each passing day. I knew what could happen and yet I did not know.
I have kept to myself , once in a while I go to the fires, I am polite. I paste a smile upon my lips. But I no longer feel the love and warmth. In fact I feel like an outsider, many a night I have packed up my wagons and thought to do as so many others have and just depart. For in my mind it is not worth it, I find it kind of sad the assumptions and the need for choices and sides being chosen. If that is the case then those that claim to have loved me truly did not , those that say they know me truly do not. I am used to invalid assumptions of me being made, but not from those who claim to be sisters or tribe. This dark time has shown me much. And I have lost respect for a few. It is possible they will never get it back. I grow weary of the attitudes and the harping of how I did this or I did that. Fact is.. I have a right to speak my mind with or without emotion, if people can't handle it then they should stay away from me I will not apologize for being honest in what I feel. I love how people say I disrespected a man, please had I disrespected anyone they would not be standing. I don't play the diplomat when it comes to what I believe in and fight for. I will no longer fight for people, nor will I fight for family, blood or tribe .
Being a spex does not mean I do not feel. It also does not mean I am not vulnerable and it definitely does not mean I am perfect, I grow so tired of that as well. Let a few find out what it is like to not have me as a friend, a counselor, a healer, a guiding hand, or any other numerous roles I have quietly rendered when needed.
The spex is no longer in. The door is shut. Closed by the one who knows the way. The door is shut.
You figure out how to open it. Because I am not about to.
