Sage and sweet grass linger in the air was we work, within the clans fires there is an ambience that we all create, this is where we do various work and share various thoughts, though we allow those who seek counsel and knowledge among the outer circle the inner sanctum is off limits to those not of our clan.
I was finished helping to create a ritual for the evening when Jai appeared near our wagons, I made my way to where he sat. He had much on his mind that was evident, I saw with him and listened to his thoughts on various things. There are some things that we cannot help with, we can only listen and offer various paths, the things upon his mind I could not fix or give solution only offer various directions, though it is my thought if there is something you feel you need to know then you must go to that person and speak honestly and true, and in that you cannot go wrong even if at first you think so.
Just as the answer is not his to find, it is someone else's and he should not be carrying the weight of it or the guilt for it is not his to bear, it is the woman's and it is up to her to find the answer. He has done the best he can, but he cannot control the actions or choices people make, the situation was brought upon herself by her own actions even if she fails to see them. We spoke of various things and it was clear he had no idea certain things that had occurred, and I enlightened him and if he had doubt all he had to do was ask a few others who also had witnessed it, he did not have to take my word alone for I had no reason to lie and I could easily show him the day with clarify that would leave no doubt, but why subject him to that pain when he was already bleeding from within. I am not sure if he understood or if I helped him but there are times when the best help you can give another is to let them see things for themselves and remove the blinders. I do not wish ill upon the woman, but no Tuchuk ever goes back on their words and promises, for that is everything to us. The rest were actions of her own doing and resulted from her own mouth, she can speak to others of me as she desires it has no meaning to me, and what they chose to believe is up to them but they should know the complete truth before deciding not just the ranting's of someone who has shamed the people numerous times over but then they would not know this because they are never given the complete truth. But they will learn on their own. Just as they have to learn what it will take to earn freedom. Once a woman wears a collar in that moment they are no longer free, for a collar is a collar. And this lesson is a harsh one to embrace and swallow. Not all can do it no matter what it will bring them if they do. Short sightedness often blinds. There are times when every single woman free or slave have to let go of everything and embrace who they are. There are times this is very humiliating and painful. And other times it is full of rewards and the greastest of joys, it is up to each woman which it will be. Sometimes it is both.
Later in the evening I returned to the fires, and spent some time with Shi and a few others, he has been out on extended patrol with Garyx, I wondered of some of this as Silk has indicated to most of us that he as been missing and that Jai has been providing for her. I do not think he was happy to hear that such things were being spoken and this made me even more confused. His words have lead me to believe that he has been providing for his family as a warrior would even when on patrol. So I have to wonder just what is going on. This is not the first time this has occurred and I do recall that Fonce had warned them both the first time they were unmated the second time there would be no undoing it because they each knowingly went into it a second time. So this whole thing leaves a lot of questions with no clear answers. I can only wonder just what in the skies is going on now. I asked father of this and he confirmed that Shi has been out on patrol for the past few hands helping other warriors, working hard much like Garyx has been. There are nights I do not even hear my mate return and he is gone before I rise. There are to many actions and words and situations that I have questions on but yet there are no answers to them. When it comes to Silk and Shi I just stay out of it, because there is always something going on between them and to many times others are drawn into a situation that they should not be and a wise person stays out of it.
I know full well that Garyx could beat me if he chose to, collar me if he chose to because of my words or actions. All women know this. The only reason my mate has not, is because we keep our disagreements in private, no one ever sees major fights in public. Nor would they know if we were having problems which every now and then we have to navigate rocky waters. I learned long ago just how deeply private my mate is, just as I am. There is much of me not known even by those who have known me for many turnings. Simply because the main fire is not the place to speak of such things. All know only what I choose to allow them to know.
Besides I know that if I spoke of various things people would not get past it. They would only see what I may have done versus the reasons why it occurred. And there are some things I can say I am not proud of, but I have not shared them, some things not even my father knows. Though some things he does that even to this day I wish he did not. But all these things have made me who I am, they also help me to understand what others go thru when they have to endure these things, it is only now later in life that I begin to understand what the ancient one meant when he said he deliberately forced my father to send me away, I had to learn these things in order to understand when others went thru it, did they have to show them with such intensity.
I was finished helping to create a ritual for the evening when Jai appeared near our wagons, I made my way to where he sat. He had much on his mind that was evident, I saw with him and listened to his thoughts on various things. There are some things that we cannot help with, we can only listen and offer various paths, the things upon his mind I could not fix or give solution only offer various directions, though it is my thought if there is something you feel you need to know then you must go to that person and speak honestly and true, and in that you cannot go wrong even if at first you think so.
Just as the answer is not his to find, it is someone else's and he should not be carrying the weight of it or the guilt for it is not his to bear, it is the woman's and it is up to her to find the answer. He has done the best he can, but he cannot control the actions or choices people make, the situation was brought upon herself by her own actions even if she fails to see them. We spoke of various things and it was clear he had no idea certain things that had occurred, and I enlightened him and if he had doubt all he had to do was ask a few others who also had witnessed it, he did not have to take my word alone for I had no reason to lie and I could easily show him the day with clarify that would leave no doubt, but why subject him to that pain when he was already bleeding from within. I am not sure if he understood or if I helped him but there are times when the best help you can give another is to let them see things for themselves and remove the blinders. I do not wish ill upon the woman, but no Tuchuk ever goes back on their words and promises, for that is everything to us. The rest were actions of her own doing and resulted from her own mouth, she can speak to others of me as she desires it has no meaning to me, and what they chose to believe is up to them but they should know the complete truth before deciding not just the ranting's of someone who has shamed the people numerous times over but then they would not know this because they are never given the complete truth. But they will learn on their own. Just as they have to learn what it will take to earn freedom. Once a woman wears a collar in that moment they are no longer free, for a collar is a collar. And this lesson is a harsh one to embrace and swallow. Not all can do it no matter what it will bring them if they do. Short sightedness often blinds. There are times when every single woman free or slave have to let go of everything and embrace who they are. There are times this is very humiliating and painful. And other times it is full of rewards and the greastest of joys, it is up to each woman which it will be. Sometimes it is both.
Later in the evening I returned to the fires, and spent some time with Shi and a few others, he has been out on extended patrol with Garyx, I wondered of some of this as Silk has indicated to most of us that he as been missing and that Jai has been providing for her. I do not think he was happy to hear that such things were being spoken and this made me even more confused. His words have lead me to believe that he has been providing for his family as a warrior would even when on patrol. So I have to wonder just what is going on. This is not the first time this has occurred and I do recall that Fonce had warned them both the first time they were unmated the second time there would be no undoing it because they each knowingly went into it a second time. So this whole thing leaves a lot of questions with no clear answers. I can only wonder just what in the skies is going on now. I asked father of this and he confirmed that Shi has been out on patrol for the past few hands helping other warriors, working hard much like Garyx has been. There are nights I do not even hear my mate return and he is gone before I rise. There are to many actions and words and situations that I have questions on but yet there are no answers to them. When it comes to Silk and Shi I just stay out of it, because there is always something going on between them and to many times others are drawn into a situation that they should not be and a wise person stays out of it.
I know full well that Garyx could beat me if he chose to, collar me if he chose to because of my words or actions. All women know this. The only reason my mate has not, is because we keep our disagreements in private, no one ever sees major fights in public. Nor would they know if we were having problems which every now and then we have to navigate rocky waters. I learned long ago just how deeply private my mate is, just as I am. There is much of me not known even by those who have known me for many turnings. Simply because the main fire is not the place to speak of such things. All know only what I choose to allow them to know.
Besides I know that if I spoke of various things people would not get past it. They would only see what I may have done versus the reasons why it occurred. And there are some things I can say I am not proud of, but I have not shared them, some things not even my father knows. Though some things he does that even to this day I wish he did not. But all these things have made me who I am, they also help me to understand what others go thru when they have to endure these things, it is only now later in life that I begin to understand what the ancient one meant when he said he deliberately forced my father to send me away, I had to learn these things in order to understand when others went thru it, did they have to show them with such intensity.
