There is nothing like a ride over the plains to clear the mind of thought and emotions. The feel of the wind racing across your face and tugging at your hair, cleansing away everything that may cling upon you to weigh you down. Mist Runner's hooves thunder upon the ground as he is given free reign.
We pause in the middle of the plains just to gaze out over the plains, to watch the grass sway to and fro under the gaze of the moonlight. The sky is heavy with darkness there is no glimmer of light only an ongoing river of darkness. It is here that I take a breath and release it along with what I feel and think, here there are no emotions of other swirling about me. The intensity of emotion was thick and painful this night. There fluctuation of it was like being in the middle of the thassa with only a piece of wood to hold you up as a storm raged around you.
As I sat by the fire, various reports had been presented to me on the prospect Karia, these were things I had not expected and they came from people who had no reason to fabricate or embellish. In truth, it sort of stunned me, but yet at the same time I was not really surprised, for I had an in depth discussion with a warrior earlier who told me he wanted to collar her, the only thing that saved her was her naiveness, and while she may present this, I suspect that she is not as innocent as she pretends, for anyone that is would not walk about the camp with an air of seductiveness and do things that no free woman would, her mother would have taught her what to do and not do when you are around men. Even dwellers do that much for they are subjected to the whims of men even more than we are, but ultimately as women we all live with the knowledge we are free because the man allows it and that can change at any time for any reason. She acts like this behavior is natural, it is if you are courting the collar, she does things to have men look at her because her focus in on two men, not just one, she thinks me blind, I am irritated that she went against what I told her, specifically I warned her to not take that path, that her focus should be earning her way into tribe.
Now the prospect can deny things, but I happen to know this warrior wouldn't lie to me of things and would have no reason to. Just as another yet told me that she walked around as if she were a Tuchuk and knew all our ways, refusing to answer questions presented to her indicating she did not have to answer them, this ticked me off more than anything, how dare she refuse someone of tribe anything. There is no way she would know anything given she spent all her life among dwellers, they have tainted her beyond what even I imagined. Does she think pretty stories give her wisdom and knowledge, this is something that she will apologize to the tribe for, that is unacceptable, I told her that her focus was learning to be a Tuchuk and learning of tribe to become tribe. I cannot teach her anything else if she does not even get or understand this, and yet another warrior told me of how she walks around as if she is some powerful spex they questioned if she was one and that when she didn't get her way she would run away all upset. It was also added she acted like a slut. Now she wouldn't be able to have such abilities at such a young age especially when untrained and as scattered and unfocused as she was, she had no desire to learn her clan, she merely wanted to earn her way into some mans furs. And this tells me she has the way of a slave more than the way of a free woman.
I had to think on these things and wonder how to handle it, had it not come from the ones that it did, I would wonder of it, but there was no lies in them, for when lies there are signs they are, and they did not have these things, that and I know that their word holds meaning, they do not say one thing then turn around and break their word. As I thought to these things the prospect surprisingly arrived it is rare that I see her at the main fires. so I would watch.
Cana I knew had some suspicions on this girl, and she spoke of them and as expected the young prospect denied them, I would have been surprised had she owned up to it, I warned her not to lie, but yet she did, guess she didn't know that some of the men had already told me of her actions and words to them. So I knew she was speaking out of the left side of her mouth. Now, I know that Cana was not questioning Ba'atars actions, she was questioning the motives of this girl, and there are times as women our best laid intentions can go all wrong when emotions come into play, everything comes out wrong and we say things in a way we do not mean them to be, the more the girl played the innocent victim the more upset Cana got and when Ba'atar spoke he got the brunt of it, which by his response and hers I knew this was going to go bad.
I stood and walked to Cana and spoke low to her, reminding her to breathe and trust in her mate. But when hurt and anger take root you cannot think clearly, this I understand more than anyone because I have done things myself like that which have resulted in trouble. The prospect I told her that she would apologize to the tribe for her own actions and that she dishonored me as a teacher by her actions, she also dishonored her guardian, her wagons would be moved close to mine per the Ubars words. In this she had no choice, she would be where I could keep an eye on her. And we were in agreement that she would not yet learn the ways of the clan, because she had to learn the ways of the Tuchuk. And how to act as a free woman this would be where we would focus.
She gave a generic apology to the tribe as a whole not what I meant but I will remind her that it is to each member she will apologize, now she can take this as she desires, I warned her she would curse me before it was said and done,I warned her as a prospect it would be hard, and she ran off as if she were the victim, but she accomplished what she set out to from what I see, I am not blind to her as a few others are, and as others are not. She can think people turned on her if that is her desire but that shows me she is blind to her own actions, I never understood these women who do not take responsibility for their own actions yet lay the blame elsewhere.
I have asked my father to teach her how to be a free woman, and I know his lessons are effective. I spoke briefly with Ba'atar he left the fires not particularly happy, and as much as I wanted to spare Cana I knew I could not say anything or interfere this was between them and I hoped that they each would see things from the others perspective. But somehow I knew this was going to be bad, I knew why and understood, but that did not make it easy, they both would be hurting from this. But I had hope that they would find their way thru. It will be hard, but they can find their way as long as they hold onto what it is that they share.
The prospect as not been seen since that night, I will not go searching for her, if she chose to leave then that is her choice, she has only shown that she does not have what it takes to make it. The skies have a way of weeding out the weak ones and redirecting their paths. If the dweller ways call her more than any other then that is where she belongs. Life has a way of doing that.
Sort of like those that think they have the power to curse and wish bad upon others because they cannot see that they themselves have brought about their circumstances, it only comes back on you three fold, I never have to wish ill upon people, they usually do it to themselves but are to blind to see their karma come back and bite them. That is what is even more amusing, to watch them struggle and falter because they do not get it and never will.
We pause in the middle of the plains just to gaze out over the plains, to watch the grass sway to and fro under the gaze of the moonlight. The sky is heavy with darkness there is no glimmer of light only an ongoing river of darkness. It is here that I take a breath and release it along with what I feel and think, here there are no emotions of other swirling about me. The intensity of emotion was thick and painful this night. There fluctuation of it was like being in the middle of the thassa with only a piece of wood to hold you up as a storm raged around you.
As I sat by the fire, various reports had been presented to me on the prospect Karia, these were things I had not expected and they came from people who had no reason to fabricate or embellish. In truth, it sort of stunned me, but yet at the same time I was not really surprised, for I had an in depth discussion with a warrior earlier who told me he wanted to collar her, the only thing that saved her was her naiveness, and while she may present this, I suspect that she is not as innocent as she pretends, for anyone that is would not walk about the camp with an air of seductiveness and do things that no free woman would, her mother would have taught her what to do and not do when you are around men. Even dwellers do that much for they are subjected to the whims of men even more than we are, but ultimately as women we all live with the knowledge we are free because the man allows it and that can change at any time for any reason. She acts like this behavior is natural, it is if you are courting the collar, she does things to have men look at her because her focus in on two men, not just one, she thinks me blind, I am irritated that she went against what I told her, specifically I warned her to not take that path, that her focus should be earning her way into tribe.
Now the prospect can deny things, but I happen to know this warrior wouldn't lie to me of things and would have no reason to. Just as another yet told me that she walked around as if she were a Tuchuk and knew all our ways, refusing to answer questions presented to her indicating she did not have to answer them, this ticked me off more than anything, how dare she refuse someone of tribe anything. There is no way she would know anything given she spent all her life among dwellers, they have tainted her beyond what even I imagined. Does she think pretty stories give her wisdom and knowledge, this is something that she will apologize to the tribe for, that is unacceptable, I told her that her focus was learning to be a Tuchuk and learning of tribe to become tribe. I cannot teach her anything else if she does not even get or understand this, and yet another warrior told me of how she walks around as if she is some powerful spex they questioned if she was one and that when she didn't get her way she would run away all upset. It was also added she acted like a slut. Now she wouldn't be able to have such abilities at such a young age especially when untrained and as scattered and unfocused as she was, she had no desire to learn her clan, she merely wanted to earn her way into some mans furs. And this tells me she has the way of a slave more than the way of a free woman.
I had to think on these things and wonder how to handle it, had it not come from the ones that it did, I would wonder of it, but there was no lies in them, for when lies there are signs they are, and they did not have these things, that and I know that their word holds meaning, they do not say one thing then turn around and break their word. As I thought to these things the prospect surprisingly arrived it is rare that I see her at the main fires. so I would watch.
Cana I knew had some suspicions on this girl, and she spoke of them and as expected the young prospect denied them, I would have been surprised had she owned up to it, I warned her not to lie, but yet she did, guess she didn't know that some of the men had already told me of her actions and words to them. So I knew she was speaking out of the left side of her mouth. Now, I know that Cana was not questioning Ba'atars actions, she was questioning the motives of this girl, and there are times as women our best laid intentions can go all wrong when emotions come into play, everything comes out wrong and we say things in a way we do not mean them to be, the more the girl played the innocent victim the more upset Cana got and when Ba'atar spoke he got the brunt of it, which by his response and hers I knew this was going to go bad.
I stood and walked to Cana and spoke low to her, reminding her to breathe and trust in her mate. But when hurt and anger take root you cannot think clearly, this I understand more than anyone because I have done things myself like that which have resulted in trouble. The prospect I told her that she would apologize to the tribe for her own actions and that she dishonored me as a teacher by her actions, she also dishonored her guardian, her wagons would be moved close to mine per the Ubars words. In this she had no choice, she would be where I could keep an eye on her. And we were in agreement that she would not yet learn the ways of the clan, because she had to learn the ways of the Tuchuk. And how to act as a free woman this would be where we would focus.
She gave a generic apology to the tribe as a whole not what I meant but I will remind her that it is to each member she will apologize, now she can take this as she desires, I warned her she would curse me before it was said and done,I warned her as a prospect it would be hard, and she ran off as if she were the victim, but she accomplished what she set out to from what I see, I am not blind to her as a few others are, and as others are not. She can think people turned on her if that is her desire but that shows me she is blind to her own actions, I never understood these women who do not take responsibility for their own actions yet lay the blame elsewhere.
I have asked my father to teach her how to be a free woman, and I know his lessons are effective. I spoke briefly with Ba'atar he left the fires not particularly happy, and as much as I wanted to spare Cana I knew I could not say anything or interfere this was between them and I hoped that they each would see things from the others perspective. But somehow I knew this was going to be bad, I knew why and understood, but that did not make it easy, they both would be hurting from this. But I had hope that they would find their way thru. It will be hard, but they can find their way as long as they hold onto what it is that they share.
The prospect as not been seen since that night, I will not go searching for her, if she chose to leave then that is her choice, she has only shown that she does not have what it takes to make it. The skies have a way of weeding out the weak ones and redirecting their paths. If the dweller ways call her more than any other then that is where she belongs. Life has a way of doing that.
Sort of like those that think they have the power to curse and wish bad upon others because they cannot see that they themselves have brought about their circumstances, it only comes back on you three fold, I never have to wish ill upon people, they usually do it to themselves but are to blind to see their karma come back and bite them. That is what is even more amusing, to watch them struggle and falter because they do not get it and never will.
