I have sat with the prospect who seeks to be a part of the clan. I have grown somewhat wary of prospects for various reasons. But I was curious as to what this one would say, would it be the usual well rehearsed words and phrases that they thought we would want to hear, or would it be the facade they put up as an illusion until they made tribe and then their true colors are revealed. There is one that I am disappointed in but that is an urt of a different color. I think I am disappointed because I did not expect such thoughts. But, I do not know why I am surprised. I do not dwell on it, it does not hurt me for there is no emotional attachment to it. Just disappointment.
I asked various questions of this young girl, she is no different than any other young woman, and being a spex does not make her rare. She is merely different in much the same way I am or as any other haruspex is. She is hardly unique in that we have hundreds of spex among the vast tribe. So then what would make me give her the time of day? Curiosity and to see if she is willing to go the distance to first become tribe. Then to run the gauntlet to become a haruspex. She states she is. But I have warned her that I will not be easy, and before she succeeds she will curse me and even hate me at times before it is all said and done. So if she chooses this path she needs to understand I do not play foolish games and my expectations will be much from her and if she does what is not allowed at the main fires my punishment of her will be swift and harsh. She seems to understand this. I wonder if she realizes that she will be learning for many turnings. If she thinks in a hand or one en'var she will be what she thinks. Then she is in for an awakening.
She told me of her family, she has dweller blood flowing along side the tuchuk blood. Which makes her a half breed according to some. I could see this weighed upon her, but it does not sway wether I will teach her or not, it really has no influence on my decisions for it holds little value to me, because I do not hold with this type of prejudice, I never have. For my father taught me long ago that as long as you had tuchuk blood in you and you followed the ways of the tribe and lived upon the plains you were tuchuk.
It is those that are full blood and choose to be dwellers that are not tuchuk. For if they were they would not think and be as they are, and the skies know we have plenty of validation of this. For there is a so called pure blood that often stuffs her linage down the throats of others to make them feel she is above all tuchuk and better, but is it not funny this same one who once made others feel less than tuchuk be the one who denounced Fonce in public and also trashed and denounced this tribe and chose the ways of the dwellers, the very same one who dishonors her own blood by speaking with a forked tongue and present things in ways they did not happen so that she does not have to take responsibility for her own actions and the fact that she has lied and broken her word. To me that is no tuchuk. So there is the proof that a full blood is not necessarily a tuchuk. I also have to wonder why she would think she would be welcomed with open arms. A few have fallen for her drama and martyrdom syndrome and wonder why she does not live here and feel sorrow for giving up her son. Fact is, the child is not her son, she promised me she would give the child back when the blood family was found. They are found and wish to raise their nephew. End of story she has no rights over blood. She promised to teach the child to be tuchuk and not take him from the plains, she broke that promise as well. The child will be returned to his aunt and uncle to raise as a tuchuk. So if some chose to fall for her ways that is their choice, it tells me all I need to know. To me a person is only as good as their word and when they break it shows only a person of deceit and dishonor and I will never forgive her for how she spoke of this tribe and of how she tore Fonce apart, the Ubar, the warrior, the man . I witnessed it first hand ,No I will not forgive or forget. I am not that compassionate when it comes to the people of this tribe.
I have given the young prospect two tasks, one that is to help her learn the discipline of focus, because she is very chaotic and scattered she has no sense of center, this comes from having no one to teach her, I already know this will not be easy. She may be one of the ones who has little ability and yet she may be one with more, this will be revealed in time. I have told her first she must learn the ways of the tuchuk and prove herself, before I will consider teaching her. Because it is Tribe first then clan and then family. I will not deviate from this like I see others doing. I was firm in this, first she will show me she is worthy of being tribe. She seems to be willing. The second task I gave her was to teach her something of our ways a step to learning .
She has an interest in Ayguili, I tried to redirect her as he has set ideals about half breeds,I explained this to her, and even used my daughter as an example, for she has mamba blood in her, but she has never known many of their ways, only enough to know who her father was and what a great warrior he was, and enough to know her aunt Dina and Uncle Lukas. I did this out of respect and honor to them, because they are a part of her, I cant deny her what is a part of her. But, I have always taught her to be tuchuk, that is how she was raised, there is a part of me that feels insulted by his words to my daughter and how he made her feel she was less than tuchuk, that irks me to no end, for she has shed blood, sweat and tears for the tribe, this is something I will not forget. And yet I have to respect his vow, the reasons I do not yet know. The man does not speak to me unless he has to. And I have heard whispers of things that are of the present and I keep a distance from him, because I am not sure I trust my mouth to not get me in trouble. I see things of him as I watch and listen but I keep those to myself. I once asked to speak to him and he blew me off. I never ask again.
The young prospect speaks of putting her focus on tribe first, but yet I see that part of her that may take him on as a challenge to prove she is just not a half breed. I have encouraged her to keep her focus on being tribe.. not looking for a man. This gives me some concern. I have told her to respect that he has made a vow to someone important to him and it is never good to ask a man to break a vow, that is in effect asking him to dishonor himself. I do not think she really listened I think she will follow what she feels is her destiny . And she must follow what she chooses, what awaits her will be seen, sometimes harsh lessons of life await you. And she must go thru them to grow. Life is not always about love, joy and happiness. You cannot appreciate those fully until you go thru, the deepest of sorrows and hurts of life. And none of these young ones have yet. Though they think they have.
I am watching her. Listening to what others tell me. I have not yet formulated any definite thoughts for now I explore many avenues. But I guide her as I can, perhaps it is that mothering thing in me. I do not yet know. Or is it that I know what it is like to live without a mother . She has memories of her that is a gift. I do know that she has spirit in her, I watched her at the fires in regards to the barbarian slave. But she kept herself in place, that is a good start. There may be hope for her yet... Question is. . . Will she survive me?
I asked various questions of this young girl, she is no different than any other young woman, and being a spex does not make her rare. She is merely different in much the same way I am or as any other haruspex is. She is hardly unique in that we have hundreds of spex among the vast tribe. So then what would make me give her the time of day? Curiosity and to see if she is willing to go the distance to first become tribe. Then to run the gauntlet to become a haruspex. She states she is. But I have warned her that I will not be easy, and before she succeeds she will curse me and even hate me at times before it is all said and done. So if she chooses this path she needs to understand I do not play foolish games and my expectations will be much from her and if she does what is not allowed at the main fires my punishment of her will be swift and harsh. She seems to understand this. I wonder if she realizes that she will be learning for many turnings. If she thinks in a hand or one en'var she will be what she thinks. Then she is in for an awakening.
She told me of her family, she has dweller blood flowing along side the tuchuk blood. Which makes her a half breed according to some. I could see this weighed upon her, but it does not sway wether I will teach her or not, it really has no influence on my decisions for it holds little value to me, because I do not hold with this type of prejudice, I never have. For my father taught me long ago that as long as you had tuchuk blood in you and you followed the ways of the tribe and lived upon the plains you were tuchuk.
It is those that are full blood and choose to be dwellers that are not tuchuk. For if they were they would not think and be as they are, and the skies know we have plenty of validation of this. For there is a so called pure blood that often stuffs her linage down the throats of others to make them feel she is above all tuchuk and better, but is it not funny this same one who once made others feel less than tuchuk be the one who denounced Fonce in public and also trashed and denounced this tribe and chose the ways of the dwellers, the very same one who dishonors her own blood by speaking with a forked tongue and present things in ways they did not happen so that she does not have to take responsibility for her own actions and the fact that she has lied and broken her word. To me that is no tuchuk. So there is the proof that a full blood is not necessarily a tuchuk. I also have to wonder why she would think she would be welcomed with open arms. A few have fallen for her drama and martyrdom syndrome and wonder why she does not live here and feel sorrow for giving up her son. Fact is, the child is not her son, she promised me she would give the child back when the blood family was found. They are found and wish to raise their nephew. End of story she has no rights over blood. She promised to teach the child to be tuchuk and not take him from the plains, she broke that promise as well. The child will be returned to his aunt and uncle to raise as a tuchuk. So if some chose to fall for her ways that is their choice, it tells me all I need to know. To me a person is only as good as their word and when they break it shows only a person of deceit and dishonor and I will never forgive her for how she spoke of this tribe and of how she tore Fonce apart, the Ubar, the warrior, the man . I witnessed it first hand ,No I will not forgive or forget. I am not that compassionate when it comes to the people of this tribe.
I have given the young prospect two tasks, one that is to help her learn the discipline of focus, because she is very chaotic and scattered she has no sense of center, this comes from having no one to teach her, I already know this will not be easy. She may be one of the ones who has little ability and yet she may be one with more, this will be revealed in time. I have told her first she must learn the ways of the tuchuk and prove herself, before I will consider teaching her. Because it is Tribe first then clan and then family. I will not deviate from this like I see others doing. I was firm in this, first she will show me she is worthy of being tribe. She seems to be willing. The second task I gave her was to teach her something of our ways a step to learning .
She has an interest in Ayguili, I tried to redirect her as he has set ideals about half breeds,I explained this to her, and even used my daughter as an example, for she has mamba blood in her, but she has never known many of their ways, only enough to know who her father was and what a great warrior he was, and enough to know her aunt Dina and Uncle Lukas. I did this out of respect and honor to them, because they are a part of her, I cant deny her what is a part of her. But, I have always taught her to be tuchuk, that is how she was raised, there is a part of me that feels insulted by his words to my daughter and how he made her feel she was less than tuchuk, that irks me to no end, for she has shed blood, sweat and tears for the tribe, this is something I will not forget. And yet I have to respect his vow, the reasons I do not yet know. The man does not speak to me unless he has to. And I have heard whispers of things that are of the present and I keep a distance from him, because I am not sure I trust my mouth to not get me in trouble. I see things of him as I watch and listen but I keep those to myself. I once asked to speak to him and he blew me off. I never ask again.
The young prospect speaks of putting her focus on tribe first, but yet I see that part of her that may take him on as a challenge to prove she is just not a half breed. I have encouraged her to keep her focus on being tribe.. not looking for a man. This gives me some concern. I have told her to respect that he has made a vow to someone important to him and it is never good to ask a man to break a vow, that is in effect asking him to dishonor himself. I do not think she really listened I think she will follow what she feels is her destiny . And she must follow what she chooses, what awaits her will be seen, sometimes harsh lessons of life await you. And she must go thru them to grow. Life is not always about love, joy and happiness. You cannot appreciate those fully until you go thru, the deepest of sorrows and hurts of life. And none of these young ones have yet. Though they think they have.
I am watching her. Listening to what others tell me. I have not yet formulated any definite thoughts for now I explore many avenues. But I guide her as I can, perhaps it is that mothering thing in me. I do not yet know. Or is it that I know what it is like to live without a mother . She has memories of her that is a gift. I do know that she has spirit in her, I watched her at the fires in regards to the barbarian slave. But she kept herself in place, that is a good start. There may be hope for her yet... Question is. . . Will she survive me?
