A kassar woman and a stranger seeking to be part of the tribe arrived near our wagons. Now my first thought was how did they survive all the upheaval upon the plains, the weather alone would have killed even the strongest of travelers alone upon the vast plains. I put them up there with the miracle wandering slaves that arrive somehow miraculously surviving the sleens and other hunters of the plains.
But the next thought that rose to surface was hate. It is a deep seated hate of the Kassar that I cannot control I barely can hide it. There was that part of me that wanted to spring from where I sat and rip her throat apart, to watch her blood flow down her flesh. I had the thirst for blood in that moment I wont deny that. The fury and hate that flowed thru me was so strong I could taste it. There is at times some of those old mamba ways come to surface, many don't realize how easy I can remove limbs and devour the flesh, Lochley had sharpened a few of my teeth for that purpose and he taught me their ways, it isn't natural to me but I know them very well. It is rare I think of indulging in some of those ways but at the moment everything that has molded me into who I am now came into play. It was such a strong primal urge that it took all my restraint to remain calm at the fire and not act upon it.
I felt Canas emotions as well, I touched her refocusing my thoughts to keep her calm, if this was not a test of my will I do not know because I more than understood her emotions. I am sure she had some rather interesting thoughts on what to do to the woman as well.
I noticed much of the woman, I wanted to rip those colored beads out of her hair, she was not Tuchuk how dare she even wear the colors of any of our clans. Actually I wanted to remove the hair as well. And she had blue eyes , now that was an added bonus. You know it is interesting how suddenly we have blue eyed plains women arriving in droves upon the plains, from free women to slaves. Is that not kind of interesting, I will have a nice collection I am thinking. I have never seen so many blue eyes upon the plains, perhaps the skies are smiling upon me so I can replenish my stock and I also have to chuckle, because it also happens to be the same color of eyes Ba'atar seems to favor. You know they say when you have so much of something you favor, it begins to lose its allure. Now would that not be ironic.
We used to wager on such in regards to Fonce, because suddenly so many women arrived that claimed the ways of the Spex, even those not of the clan claim to have such ways. We of the clan would sit back and watch in amusement because we know that they cannot do such, kind of like a singer trying to see dreams and visions or know things. I enjoy the humor of the skies and winds at times. Because at that time we and others found these ways revealing of the people who acted them out. And others realized that we of the clan tend to ignore those that make claims. But none the less we find it interesting to watch people make fools of themselves when they are lost in their own ways and think they are impressing the Ubar or others.
I left with Cana from the fires, because the woman's presence was to much for me, I knew I could not trust myself not to kill her very slowly and very painfully. I felt the dark witch within me rise to the surface and struggle to get out, to bestow upon her a reason to fear the Tuchuk, particularly this one. I am no stranger to death, I have embraced that dark embrace many times, I am no stranger to torture, I am my fathers daughter, I lived with assassins for many en'var, I lived among the mamba, yes I know ways of torture that leave men begging for death. That is not saying I know the ways of our torturers for I don't, but I know other ways that prolong the life, the more they scream the more I enjoy it, yes there is that dark side of me, and it is hard to keep it hidden. I fought that part of me that wanted to be released to have full reign and create a bloody carnage. Many think that we as women are weak, and we are physically weaker than men, but with the right circumstance and teachings we can be the most vicious of people. They say there is no more of a dangerous place than between a mother and her child, but also there is no more dangerous place than between a tuchuk woman and her people.
I am not sure what the kassar did to be collared, but I hold no sympathy for her. And she will be reminded that as such all that she was is gone, for when a woman is collared, her name is gone, her family is gone, her clan is gone, all that she was is stripped from her. Though I see many who cling to family and their past, I think many have forgotten what it means to be enslaved. Once that collar touches your neck, who you were ceases to exist. You have a new life, and you can no longer use what you were. That person is gone.
Let the Kassar act up just once.. I want just one reason to rip her apart. The kassar owe me and that payment is blood. I do not forget. I do not forgive. In fact there are some Tuchuks I do not forgive for things they had done, and some I do not forget their words or actions. I forget nothing. And when I turn my back I do not ever let you back in,those are the ones that are dead to me.
So why would I let a kassar live. Why would I be pleasant to one. I don't and wont. So I hope that it does not hold its breath. She is nothing when free.. she is less... collared. Though these thoughts I keep to myself, because I am sure no one would want to know them, because I wont apologize for them.
Although just once I would like to be able to indulge in that dark part of me. But, do I dare, because once I step back into that, could I pull myself back. Could I stop that part of myself that knows no restraint. That is partly why I control myself so well, I know what I can do
