I have heard that Silk has had her baby, or should I say babies, I have not seen much of her but I have heard the whispers of others to know. And the reaction of Hallie and Arkus have also caught my attention. I understand their feelings. It is one thing to deal with the arrival of younger siblings when you have the same parents. But it is another to deal with it when it is with either a different mother or father. I remember this when my younger brothers and sisters were born, Lukus and Dina have a different mother than I do.. as do the others. Fortunately, my father took the time to ensure I never felt that he loved me less or that any one of us was more important than the other. Hence, I have done the same to mine, I have ensured they knew that they were loved equally by me and also accepted by any new mate I ever had. Unfortunately there were a few exceptions to this and I had to find ways to deal with it and make it right with my children.
Brutus for all his short comings accepted Lochleys children as his own, even though they may think otherwise, he did the best he could with who he was. He never intentionally made them feel separate or different from the children I had with him. In fact that is why it was hard to lose Dayo to him, she adored Falon and Lochlan. Unfortunately my other children with him were raised to forget their mother and outside influences caused Brutus to teach them that I gave them up and did not teach them the ways of the tuchuk or mamba. I can do nothing of that, they had to make the choice to believe in a dweller who could never understand tribal ways, or to believe in the one who was always there loving them and teaching them. They made a choice, and the loss of my children will forever leave an empty open hole. A mother does not stop loving or caring simply because her children have chosen the wrong path. It is their path they must choose. No matter how much it hurts I can not tell them what to do, I can only hope that one day they see the truth and not the illusion taught to them.
Gaspar he never bothered with any of my children other than Dayo, but I think in someway's she was a healing salve to the loss of his daughter. Tanner, well while he did not stay long enough to become mated to me, it was no less a strong deep relationship that we shared, and he accepted my children without question. I hope that he has found what he searched for, I have never wished him ill, I know Fonces thoughts on what he did, and I understand both sides, I have done as Tanner asked. So I know that he would not begrudge what I have done with my life, for he had a request and I have honored it. And it is my hope that he has found happiness somewhere as well. These thoughts come thru my mind because of Arkus comment about how his father will have no reason to be around him as he now has two new sons. Hallie and Arkus have often felt that Shi did not want bothered with them, I am not sure if he kept his distance emotionally and physically because of how things went between us, but he should remember he is the one that was dishonorable in our mating. And I will never admit to anyone especially my son that his conception was not born out of love, but because of a need for Shi to have his first son before he died. Regardless of what transpired between us, these are his children and he seems to have forgotten this.
Thankfully my father has been teaching Arkus as well as Garyx. I have tried to assure them that these new children will not change the fact that they are his children as well, and that Arkus is his first born son. And I will remind Shi that he best be remembering this fact along with the fact that I am their mother so he needs to deal with it. Before he loses them completely, he has already lost them on some level. For Hallie spends much time with Cana and the kaiila clan and with Falon learning various healing ways, I teach her the old healing ways that she can use on animals and I know she has shared them with Cana with my permission. These are the ones Hallie has learned from, not to mention Chay with those darn sounds she has taught her to mimic. One day the two of them will give me grey hair. Arkus, he has been learning from Ulric and father and Garyx. I can only teach so much but the ways of men he has learned from them. Arkus is not close to his father, he does not understand many of this ways, and in truth sometimes I dont either. I do know that he has very little hope of closing the chasm between them.
I will not go to Shi on it.. and I know that others do not notice what I have, so I know that they can not claim that he has done this or not done that. If Shi wants to find a way to fix it, he will come to me for guidance, if not. Then as I have told Arkus, if not it is his loss.
Thank the skies his grandfather has been here to guide and teach him. And in Garyx absence he has become more of an anchor for him. I was glad to see him seem less troubled and ride off with Chay and father to hunt. I am proud of my children. No matter where they are or what choices they have made. I also respect their thoughts and emotions. Both are now of the age to make their decisions and choices, and while some change seems to be upon Shi, it may well be a little to late. There are many bridges he has to repair, and I wonder if he will make the effort. Hallie will spend the day with Falon helping to gather various herbs and plants needed. And Arkus I know will be gone with father and Chay for a few days. This will give them each the time they need to work thru emotion, I also know that they will find me when they have.
I have sent my congratulations to Shi and Silk on the birth of their children along with a small basket of oils and chocolate. A small amulet for protection and good dreams to hang over their furs. I do not go to their wagons as I am at the moment steeped in responsibilities with my clan and repairs of wagons to prepare for the move. There are things that must be done at a certain time and certain day.
I will take this time to pack a few things and go look for Garyx. I am not sure how long I will be gone, I have already spoken to the old ones of what we need to do for the readings,so that if I do not return they can give the results to Ba'atar.
Brutus for all his short comings accepted Lochleys children as his own, even though they may think otherwise, he did the best he could with who he was. He never intentionally made them feel separate or different from the children I had with him. In fact that is why it was hard to lose Dayo to him, she adored Falon and Lochlan. Unfortunately my other children with him were raised to forget their mother and outside influences caused Brutus to teach them that I gave them up and did not teach them the ways of the tuchuk or mamba. I can do nothing of that, they had to make the choice to believe in a dweller who could never understand tribal ways, or to believe in the one who was always there loving them and teaching them. They made a choice, and the loss of my children will forever leave an empty open hole. A mother does not stop loving or caring simply because her children have chosen the wrong path. It is their path they must choose. No matter how much it hurts I can not tell them what to do, I can only hope that one day they see the truth and not the illusion taught to them.
Gaspar he never bothered with any of my children other than Dayo, but I think in someway's she was a healing salve to the loss of his daughter. Tanner, well while he did not stay long enough to become mated to me, it was no less a strong deep relationship that we shared, and he accepted my children without question. I hope that he has found what he searched for, I have never wished him ill, I know Fonces thoughts on what he did, and I understand both sides, I have done as Tanner asked. So I know that he would not begrudge what I have done with my life, for he had a request and I have honored it. And it is my hope that he has found happiness somewhere as well. These thoughts come thru my mind because of Arkus comment about how his father will have no reason to be around him as he now has two new sons. Hallie and Arkus have often felt that Shi did not want bothered with them, I am not sure if he kept his distance emotionally and physically because of how things went between us, but he should remember he is the one that was dishonorable in our mating. And I will never admit to anyone especially my son that his conception was not born out of love, but because of a need for Shi to have his first son before he died. Regardless of what transpired between us, these are his children and he seems to have forgotten this.
Thankfully my father has been teaching Arkus as well as Garyx. I have tried to assure them that these new children will not change the fact that they are his children as well, and that Arkus is his first born son. And I will remind Shi that he best be remembering this fact along with the fact that I am their mother so he needs to deal with it. Before he loses them completely, he has already lost them on some level. For Hallie spends much time with Cana and the kaiila clan and with Falon learning various healing ways, I teach her the old healing ways that she can use on animals and I know she has shared them with Cana with my permission. These are the ones Hallie has learned from, not to mention Chay with those darn sounds she has taught her to mimic. One day the two of them will give me grey hair. Arkus, he has been learning from Ulric and father and Garyx. I can only teach so much but the ways of men he has learned from them. Arkus is not close to his father, he does not understand many of this ways, and in truth sometimes I dont either. I do know that he has very little hope of closing the chasm between them.
I will not go to Shi on it.. and I know that others do not notice what I have, so I know that they can not claim that he has done this or not done that. If Shi wants to find a way to fix it, he will come to me for guidance, if not. Then as I have told Arkus, if not it is his loss.
Thank the skies his grandfather has been here to guide and teach him. And in Garyx absence he has become more of an anchor for him. I was glad to see him seem less troubled and ride off with Chay and father to hunt. I am proud of my children. No matter where they are or what choices they have made. I also respect their thoughts and emotions. Both are now of the age to make their decisions and choices, and while some change seems to be upon Shi, it may well be a little to late. There are many bridges he has to repair, and I wonder if he will make the effort. Hallie will spend the day with Falon helping to gather various herbs and plants needed. And Arkus I know will be gone with father and Chay for a few days. This will give them each the time they need to work thru emotion, I also know that they will find me when they have.
I have sent my congratulations to Shi and Silk on the birth of their children along with a small basket of oils and chocolate. A small amulet for protection and good dreams to hang over their furs. I do not go to their wagons as I am at the moment steeped in responsibilities with my clan and repairs of wagons to prepare for the move. There are things that must be done at a certain time and certain day.
I will take this time to pack a few things and go look for Garyx. I am not sure how long I will be gone, I have already spoken to the old ones of what we need to do for the readings,so that if I do not return they can give the results to Ba'atar.
